Monday, October 13, 2008

The End of Days (Holidays)

You know what I would've loved to have done? (Insert dirty joke about your mum... hehe insert *immature giggle*) I would have loved to actually finish one of the things I set out to do these holidays... mainly at least one my immensely numerous assignments or even study for exams that are in a month. Yes, you see I am a simple man... very simple. In fact I'm so simple I need special treatment... but I am a stubborn person who doesn't believe that I am capable of failure (I AM INVINCEABLE!) so right now I'm kinda annoyed I have so much work to do that I haven't already done and succeeded at easily... I also am annoyed that this means I actually have to do work which also annoys me because not only am I stubborn but really just plain lazy...

... in fact I have a monkey to type my blog for me as I just dictate it. No mum I'll feed the rabbit later... blogging... no blogging... No don't write that you stupid monkey! Just... no... ugh.. anyhoo, stupid monkey (My master is an idiot) who doesn't understand (He is also fat) and so I need to (Lose weight) then (lose more weight) and that's why I would write this myself if I weren't so darn lazy... anyhoo, I have done homework I just never completed any of it which is quite annoying (I blame terrorists... I was expecting them all day and not focusing then afterwards I was tired... and I got lost on the way home...) so yeah...

Oh yeah plus exams are coming up (If I haven't mentioned this before?) Which means I won't be making many videos anytime soon (Now I'm sure I've mentioned that to anyone who would care...)

So holidays are going to be over in a few hours when I decide to sleep... I can feel the end coming... oh noes! I'll also have to go back to school... actually talk to people (yay!) wait that's good! OK school good now :D To the library! (I just came from there actually. Come on kids, reading is fun! Guns are bad... they're fun but they're bad... reading is fun and good! :D You want to be well behaved right kids? :D.... kids?............ hello?) Well I somehow feel like I need to make this blog longer... when really it shouldn't be (I never have anything to say... why do you care?) Oh well. Holidays are over, I've got lots things due and I havent completed any of it... life has never been better :D

Have a nice day :)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Into the Terrorist Lair

OK children, gather round while I tell you a story! A story most... not very interesting... so I'll spice it up a little with great exaggerations, twisted retellings and even some downright massive lies thrown in for dramatic effect! (Just like politicians and used car salesmen) OK, today I was hard at work with my 3 ton load of paperwork and assignments for school when all of a sudden I recieved a phone call from the head of the terrorist group holding me hostage (and forcing me to blog as mention in previous post just below this one... scroll down if you want to read it I'm not giving you a link...) telling me that they're bored and want me to walk their dog (Yes, Terrorists want to hang out with me... Osama just last weekend asked me to play basketball... I refused on the grounds that I didn't live in the middle east and that I knew that his basketballs were really just big orange bombs in disguise... as brightly coloured balls that are easily seen from a distance) so basically I had to go because I promised and if I don't they'll just hit me and then get the small girls to cry again... Which they did! grr! I can't Blog while I'm walking your dog you know so there's no point in yelling me as I walk down the street trying not to walk off the path! Yes, terrorists (as in one... not as plural although I do like putting an S on the end of words... just to confuse people :P) have made their demands and those demands are to BLOG! (I think I may have mentioned this before) and to Blog while outside and with no computer... Unfortunately my physic abilities have no developed to this point where I can do what they demand of me...

... On the bright side I was warned the dog would bark like mad but instead just seemed to sniff my pockets and then ignore me... Damn dog won't acknowledge my existence! Acknowledge! Anyhoo, I then was led to the terrorist's lair... (where she lives... as in house... strange how it's not a cave but I guess swimming pools don't suit caves very well...) where I was then forced to look at the terrorists collection of books... (Evil satanic books on dark magic and evil magical places of learning called Hogwarts) I was then taken outside where I was attacked by the dog (I was near licked on the cheek by the viscious silent hound! Agh! It stood on my lap!) then attacked by feet... the feet then captured my feet and demanded a ransom of a thousand dollars... until I moved my feet away and gave Becca L. Blogmore an odd look... Then I met the evil overlords of the house... who smiled and said hello :P Then walked off... Oh yeah plus they own a car... one with wheels... Then a sneak attack was unleashed as I was backed into a sharp kitchen bench (A kitchen bench most definitely used to cut up the meat flesh of a thousand blogless orphans... that's what you get for not being computer literate! BBQ sauce!) then led to the couch where I was nearly smothered to death by a cushion (THAT WASN'T PURPLE! It's the purple room "because everything in the room is purple"... just like that orange curtain or those 3 white walls or that brown table or this browny green couch next to the reddish couch...) Obviously the terrorists want me to blog or die... I for one choose: Running away...

Why am I saying this? Well because quite simply I'm informing everyone about my current situation with the terrorist organisation forcing me to blog (if anyone hasn't got that this is a joke by now is really flipping stupid!) and quite simply... I have nothing to blog about! So I'm hoping this will temporarily appease the purely evil terrorist (and despicable mastermind) so they will let me get back to my homework! Come on! Please stop yelling at me to blog! I'm doing the best I can! (Breaks down and cries)

(citate! Citate! Citate! Oh citate! Cita- oh citate! CITATE! YEAH CITATE! ...Told you it would sound dirty...)

Oh yeah... plus I ate a plant... yeah we were wondering if it was edible and I ate it to find out... turns out I didn't die (or did I?) and due to that little trip the terrorist lair I am kinda behind schedule slightly with my massive amount of pre-exam homework... oh well... at least I got some exercise walking the dog (which then tried attacking me with its tongue as payment)

MY FRIEND MAKES WEIRD NOISES WHEN TALKING TO HER DOG! SHE ASKS IT FOR "KISSIES"! (Who wants me to continue to blog now!?)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Terrorists are Holding me Captive (And want me to blog about it)

Attention readers! (All... two of them...) I am being forced against my will to blog to you this evening (or morning depending on timezone.... all... two of them...) because if I don't I will make small girls cry! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, beheading and physical torture is no longer the aim of such terrorist cells as Al-quaida, Babbar Khalsa, The world tamil movement and Woolworths (I have just recently discovered that Canada has terrorist organisations! Huh!? But... it's Canada... do they... throw maple syrup at people in rebellion of free health care?) but they now employ the use of small children to basically sit at their computers yelling and crying at me to basically BLOG! and BLOG FASTER!

... I fear this is the end people... The world has come to such an utter mess that it is forcing it's fine citizens (well... just me really... no one else cares...) to BLOG! BLOG LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS! (Until we die! Oh no! Death by blogging accident!? I thought it was only the stuff of myth and legend amongst cyberspace but no... I shall be the 3rd man to die of a blogging accident!) So this is what I have done... may this relatively short blog entry save my life from more bloody annoying crying emoticons typed over and over again! (I use webmessenger! They take a long time to load ok?) Hopefully this has appeased the great terrorist leader Becca L. Blogmore... because if not she knows where I live... and can walk there within 10 minutes!

... someone hide me!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Stalker Chain Letter

Well we all know chain letters are spawned by Satan (Along with terrorists, AIDS and 2001: A Space Oddessey) but do you know why they exist? (Besides the obvious reason that people are bored idiots with too much time on their hands and decide to pass some generic drivel on instead of writing a proper intelligent email! Come on people? Talking so hard for you!? If you're hiding on the internet all day that you're bored enough to create or send a chain letter then yeah... talking to people probably isn't one of your strong points...) Well they exist not just because the world is socially inept and hooked to a global network of porn, attention seeking bloggers (aww damn... I'm complaining about myself now!) and wikipedia entries (A bit too many say "Citation needed"... come on sad losers of the world! Citate! Citate! Cit- OK that's going to start sounding dirty if I keep yelling it...) but they exist because all your friends are stalking you! Seriously, Chain letters try to find out every detail about your life then force you to send it off to everyone humanly possible to be spread across the web and if you don't you die in strange and frankly disturbing ways involving little kids at the end of your bed (Maybe an ironic death for paedophiles?) so my idea is basically... that the internets is stalking you and you're letting them stalk you. Stop posting chain letters!

... OR....

... Send one around that doesn't hide the PURE EVIL and FIENDISHLY DESCIPABLE motive of the dreaded chain letter! Forward one that isn't the slightest bit subtle when it comes to finding out every little piece of information about you as it possibly can before you're hunted down by every sick weirdo on the internets... A.K.A. You're best friend... (who is also the spawn of satan... and his lover HAL 9000... yeah I just don't like 2001 OK?) why not send THIS to you're friends and family... or complete strangers (which is the ultimate plan for the chain letter organisation)

Creepy Stalker Chain Letter

Fill in your answers then send this onto everyone you know! And even people you don't know (especially people you don't know....)

1. What is your full (including middle) name?

2. Are you planning on lying during this string of perfectly innocent questions?

3. Why?

4. Do you think the exits to your house are suitable enough in case anything might go wrong?

5. Do you wear fire resistant pyjamas?

6. Who do you like?

7. Do you think he/she looks pale? Do you think they might accidentaly die of natural causes?

8. If the answer to the last question was "no" then why do you think your judgement is infallible?

9. Are you superman or any other superhero?

10. Do you have anyway of defending yourself from an attacker like mace or panic whistle?

11. Do you know any self defence techniques?

12. Do you love the person who sent this to you?

13. Why don't you love them?

14. Could you learn to love them?

15. What if your life depended on it?

16. Where do you live?

17. Do you keep a spare key in case you're locked out in the area around the door?

18. If so, where?

19. Why won't you give me a spare key?

20. Where in the house is your bedroom located?

21. How many people live with you?

22. Do you have a guard dog or any other form of security system?

23. Do you think bunnies or guinea pigs are cuter?

24. Calm blue skies or my dark dank basement where no one can hear you scream?

25. When is the latest time anyone in your house would go to sleep?

26. Are any of them light sleepers and easily woken by creeping footsteps?

27. Do you have any heart condition that will affect you if a taser is used to incapacitate you?

28. What are you wearing?

29. Why don't you wear something else?

30. Don't you like the clothes I bought for you?

31. Why don't you ever open your bedroom curtains?

32. OPEN YOUR BEDROOM CURTAINS! I wasn't asking....

33. What colour do you think is better? Blood red or the cold dark Black of nothingness?

34. Do you like flowers in the mail?

35. Do you like chocolate in the mail?

36. Do you like dead puppies in the mail?

37. Would you like me in the mail?

38. What's your MSN password?

39. What's your bank password?

40. Do you have a panic room?

41. How do I get into your panic room?

42. Do people behind bushes creep you out?

43. What's infront of you right now?

44. What's the most precious thing to you in your bedroom?

45. Would you do anything to get your mother/father back safely alive?

46. Do you like cats or dogs more?

47. What's your favourite flavour of icecream?

48. Do you think your room would look good coloured red?

49. I do...

50. Are your windows reinforced or easy to break?

51. Are you a good runner?

52. What's your social security number?

53. Don't you think "security" is ironically amusing?

54. I do...

55. How many people will you send this to?

56. Do any of them deserve your attention more than I do?

57. Why?

58. Do you expect to hear back from any of the people you sent this to... ever again...?

59. Where do you go on sunday nights?

60. Where do you go on saturday nights?

61. What subjects do you take at school and when are then on during the day?

62. What school do you go to?

63. Who do you sit next to?

64. Do you think they could outrun my car?

65. Do you think they could survive a car "accident"?

66. What do you dream about?

67. What was your first word?

68. Did you cry during the movie bambi?

69. Did you laugh at the number 69?

70. Who did you last talk to?

71. Do they know where you are right now?

72. Will you be missed?

73. What's your favourite film?

74. I'm always watching you

75. Do you like baby pandas?

OK if you don't send this on to anyone in the next 24 hours they will assume you missing and you shall not be harmed.

... also, if you send this to anyone they will most likely call the police on you! Anyone who ever reads this will think you're the biggest psychotic stalker of all time... and I somehow made this up while listening to Stone Sour so what does that say about me? (Reborn is such an awesome song) Anyhoo, hope you have learnt that chain letters really are completely pure evil and you shouldn't endorse them by sending them on to other poor victims... no one likes chain letters (or at least I don't and in true internetz person fashion I shall try to enforce my views onto everyone!)

Have fun...

... I am always watching you...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Let us Glomp the Heathens!

Glomping. Google it. Nasty. Anyhoo, my mother is a christian and so am I but I just don't really go to church too often (Maybe if I was awake early enough to get ready? Also maybe if teachers didn't give me so much homework? Yeah, that's right, homework and academic achievement is causing our children to burn in hell :) Yay for good report cards! :P High maths scores aren't just completely pointless but satanic too!) so she's decided to find a church that's convinient to go to and she thought she had found one (It had teenagers in the pictures on the website! Teenagers!) so we basically drive along towards it and she forces me to read the road map (Bah! Maps... also spawn of satan) and in the end we get there 10 minutes early. Now this is apparently a bad thing according to my devout christian mother because we're new to this church. Unless you haven't noticed: being early to a new church is very very bad because people apparently will try to talk to you! (gasp! :O! But... part of the reason was so I would talk to people... teenagers! Instead of the two score of octegenarians in our other church) So my mother really didn't want to go inside for 10 minutes because they'll just flock to us noobs (Noob alert! Preparing to save...) and try to welcome us and get involved and socialise and worst of all... try to save us! If we went in 10 minutes early we'd be glomped by baptists trying to convert us to something we already were part of so my mother solution to learning new faces: Continue driving down the road. Now this would be a good idea if the road didn't connect to a highway... a long highway where you can't turn around... so we went down it, we passed some really old houses from collonial times, we kept going, we passed another church and eventually managed to turn around and find our way back to the church with no time to spare. Perfect! Punctuality saves us from hell.... and people... Well while driving around we had our fun avoiding Christians and joking around about what we would say if they tried to talk to us to see if we were christians. The favourites included: "Hey want to go get mass married with 100 strangers with me next weekend?" and "Praise Allah!" just to see the reactions we would get :D Anyhoo, we go inside and only one person tries talking to us on the way in before we sit down and church starts. About 2 hours (or most likely longer according to what it felt like) we leave and some random old person asks my mother if she'd mind her taking my curls. Yeah, old people are jealous of my hair, sorry but it's true! Older women totally dig my lucious thick red curls and untameable hair :D Just.... I don't share a mutual affection for their gray strands that are loosely scattered on their heads... But yeah, people seriously adore my hair... mainly older women like those at church, used car saleswomen (crazy used car saleswomen...) and school gardners but the occasional younger woman falls for my physical charm ;) (Because my hair is so totally smexier than thou) Anyhoo, after a very brief conversation basically telling her that NO! NO she may NOT have my hair! (As clearly stated and conveyed when I replied "no" to her question "Doesn't it frustrate you when it gets knotted?") we left and instead of finding a more convinient church to go to, my mother basically decides that, even though the idea was to get my and my siblings opinion on the church, she doesn't like the church because the guy giving the sermon talked nonstop without making a point. OK so apparently my occasional thoughts drifting off to something else for a moment (like "what happened to the baby that was right infront of me 10 minutes ago? The mother walked away with it then came back without it and now it's gone...") before snapping back to what he was saying weren't the thing stopping me from understand what life guards at the beach had to do with Moses fleeing egypt and seeing a burning bush. Moses was in a tidal rip which caused him to go out of egypt and then the burning bush was a man dressed in yellow and red and then we realise why we need God in everyday life... if that makes sense then congratulations! I'll see you in heaven... in the meantime my theologean mother says that he kept talking without getting anywhere and we're never going back there again.

And that is the story... of how we nearly got glomped by christians...

... oh yeah then we went home and ate pancakes. It was fun.... yep... I just thought I'd say that because it's about as useful to you knowing that as it is to know that going to church may cause high risk levels of people trying to talk to you.

Oh yeah... plus the internet lied... it was still full of old people with very very few people my age... so that's where old people congegrate when the suns out! :O Churches! (Because zombies can't get in to feast on the old people flesh)

BECCA!

HEY BECCA! YOUR IN MY BLOG NOW! HELLO! :P

... Now to find my way into yours... What do you say about me to your parents!? Yeah I'm just blogging about you just to prove I'd put you in my blog! So I know you're happy about this but I thought I'd just add some more to it... (A.K.A. Typing about nothing)

OK yeah I am probably going to continue to edit this (You see the caps locked text at the top? That's the original post everything else is added on later) and say a few more things. Maybe I should explain this post to the outside readers? OK then I shall! OK basically... I have no idea really it was... a whole three hours ago when I originally posted this!? (That's... so long ago... I feel old now! So old...) But I remember something to do with a phone call. You see I have recently overcome my phobia of making phone calls (Thanks to my dear girlfriend... who basically asked kindly to call her so I did... and it was fun! :P) so I decided to call an old (but really quite young... barely legal young? Nah I'm not that old... although I am quite old... after all I mean three whole hours!? THREE HOURS!?) friend who never finds the time to call me even when I remind her too. I had previously mentioned that I had a blog in an email and she was reading it when I called and (insert conversation that I don't remember verbatim here) then there was yelling and high pitched noises that could crack windows (mainly coming from me... I breathe in Helium on a regular basis) and something about "I'm not in your blog!" and "you won't put me in your blog!" and "eewa! garr waaa! waaa! Blog!"...

...and so she is now in my blog :)

Anyone else want to be in my blog!? anyone?... hello?... They've all left me now! :(

Oh and uh... yeah also her mother was reading my blog too so if her mother sees this... she might think I'm creepy... very creepy... I just told the entire internet about her daughter and she's heard of me but has never met me or gotten to know me. Now if you were her wouldn't you think that I'm some kind of bizarre weirdo? (Even if you weren't her you'd probably think the same thing you just wouldn't fear for your daughters safety) Well OK! Now a bunch of complete strangers that I've never met, Becca has never met, Her mother has never met, and none of the aforementioned people even have heard of are now imagining what it's like to be someone's mummy... so NOW if I was someone's mother I'd be more creeped out by the people her daughter doesn't know than the good, kind, considerate, strange, wonderful friend that she's heard so much about :D OK so basically everyone reading this blog is actually the sick bizarre pervert not me! (Even though... I'm just friends with a girl that's barely younger than me...)

...P.S. Talking about my personal life on the internet for everyone to see is FUN!!!! :D (Regretting being in my blog now?)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Holidays

Yay! Holidays! Freedom! No school! No getting up early in the morning! No fun AT ALL!!!!... Yes, I said that holidays are no fun and to be honest with you I think I am correct! (Well how can't I be? I'm bored because of holidays therefore holidays bore me therefore holidays are boring to me so you cannot argue because you're not me... you can agree though if you really want to feel included... when really you're not which is part of the problem) The problem with holidays is it's a time where you don't get to see your friends five times a week and everyone goes off and does things... Things that don't involve you... (awww... REJECTION! :P) Basically the thing about holidays if you can invite people over or go do stuff with them everynow and then all day because you're free to do that but most of the time it's just sitting at home not doing anything... I don't like not doing anything...

OK so besides the social isolation and sense of lonelieness (REJECTION! :P) that extended days away from school (precious media department... oh my secret lover how I love you and your cheap and barely working film equipment!) cause there's also the whole thing that these are the last holidays before exams. This means I have two weeks of basically doing nothing but work to prepare for these exams! I have to get all my assignments out of the way so basically it's four chapter exercises for chemistry and maths, english lit presentation (shakespeare), drama performance along with set designs for the play, eight things to do in physics plus and oral presentation on radioisotopes uses in biological investigations, have to edit who knows how many hours after hours of footage (TWICE) for media and there's some more but this blog is awfully boring enough as it is without me talking about school work.... in... detail that is... I already talk about schoolwork... but to who? Who actually... reads this blog!? Why don't I know!? Brooke, if you're reading this you better tell me (that way I actually get some sort of sign that you're still alive and therefore not dead... because dead is the opposite of alive :) and two plus two is four and in the movie The Titanic the boat sinks... obviousness! woot!) also, anyone else who reads this... also tell me? (So I can laugh at you behind your back :P) anyhoo, personal messages in a public forum are never too good of a thing... or is it? (I LIVE AT 52 CYCLOPS CRESENT PERTH WESTERN AUSTRALIA AND MY PIN NUMBER IS 5672! I ALSO LEAVE THE KEYS UNDER THE DOORMAT AND LEAVE MONEY LYING AROUND THE HOUSE!) Well saying things just to see what happens is always a good way to see who is dumb enough to believe them... (also saying that people are dumb for believing things is a good way to make them think that what you just said wasn't real when it actually was, thus saving your savings from being snatched up from their randomly placed positions around my house)

So yeah... someone out there enjoying their holidays? Well phooey to you! I dislike your enjoyance (word!?) of the world around you and the favour it has granted you! (I meant enjoyment... enjoyance? It's not a word... but it should be... I also dislike the backspace button. Quantity not quality here! Come on people! You don't think I blog for any other reason other than to have a blog that takes up a lot of space do you? DO YOU!?) Anyhoo, I'm going to go and continue writing my novel! hmph!


... oh yeah and I probably won't upload any youtube videos for a while... sorry guys kinda busy with homework. I might upload one during these holidays then another after them but until exams are over it's going to be quite inactive on youtube in regards to me... Although I will watch a few vids occasionally and tell people what I think (because SOME PEOPLE enjoy getting comments! Huh? Never thought the person might actually like that would you?)

have fun :)

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hello! (In-Jokes)

(Yes, hello, I know that I say hello in a certain tone that's always the same and if you didn't know that then you obviously don't talk to me face to face much) Well hello to those out there who actually know me! Yes, this blog post is all about people who know me and have been told/asked/threatened with their very lives to visit my blog (especially the latter... you have 4 seconds to get down on the floor Jerry Shaw... 3...2...1... EAGLE EYE IS AWESOME! just in case you didn't get the obvious reference) and I'm just saying thankyou! Thankyou for visiting this blog that without you, would not... have been read really... It would still exist (oh yes, don't think it wouldn't!) it's just without me asking people to read it this blog would never get any attention at all (And I'm pretty sure it still doesn't) so hello to all those out there I've asked to read this blog! I know all your secrets by the way... so lets just say a few in jokes shall we? Thus alienating whatever outside audience I might accidental recieve! OK? Yay! :P (Alienation is fuuuunnn) I'd just like to say...

... HARDER!

Now, that person will probably laugh and the rest of you will think very innapropriate thoughts... and none of them are correct! :P (You have no idea... you really don't... because it's an in-joke!) OK? I always would like to say that the people who read this blog make me very happy! :P Eeeee! (eeee!), it is definitely not very poor quality and inferior... like something, let's say, that feels like STEEL WOOL! :O (oooh he went there!) But sometimes I just feel like no one (even the people I tell this about) reads this blog and it frustrates me... Bah! Jelly! But what am I doing? (what are you doing!?) well it's simple! I'm confusing the hell out of everyone who reads this blog because no single person will pick up or even understand the random references in this post (not even the high priestess of wikipedia! Although she'll understand most of them) so hmm... let's see if I can sneak any more in here... aha!

YOU SIR! (sucker!) OK now that everytime you visit this blog you know that you lose! Mwahahaha! :P OK now that I've included about 6 in jokes and references to my life that no one will understand except the people they revolve around I'd just like to say goodbye...

... my planet needs me :P (Obligatory simpsons reference just so the high priestess of wikipedia doesn't ban me indefinitely for vandalism of the internets)

Oh yeah! By the way, california's tourism is at an all time low! :P (you know what I'm talking about!) They need a mountaineer! :D (I'm so going to get yelled at for that)



...Oh yeah and to anyone who is reading this without knowing who I am or being asked to come here SCREW YO- no... no that's mean I'm sorry... I love you please forgive me random stranger? Even though you might be a pedophile (not that... I'm a kid or anything... *whistles*) but if you are a pedophile then SCREW YOU! (not literally)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Disconnected

Smile when I...

... fudge... forgot... I had something! Something in my MIND! Smile when I giggle and show me you care when I fall down... no that's not it at all! (Yeah like I'd be thinking that....) Anyhoo, yes this is now a MINI-BLOG! But might get larger. Or not? I don't know... probably I like talking about nothing :)

... but I DO know that I HAVE THE BLUE MARKER PEN! XD HAHAHAHA! Yes, to anyone currently reading this and knows what I am talking about.... mwahahaha oh yeah, permission (in fact I order you too) to mock the previous owner of said blue marker pen and tell them that this is what they get for drawing on my face in permanent maker! (I currently have blue marks on me that haven't washed off since Monday and now I have new ones! Grr... I'll be blue all weekend!) mwahaha! My skills as a pickpocketer has saved me from a week of nonstop random marks that appear on my face in the split second it takes to wave a pen across my face without me ducking far away to avoid it. I now seem to have developed a jittery deranged sounding laugh because of this pen... it makes me crazy but I like it. Ehehehe! Now I shall draw on his face with his pen and there will be nothing he can do about it! :P

Oh yes... ehehehehe

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Magpies

Magpies... No not some weird type of pie that involves whatever the hell a "mag" is... and no that's not a reference to a gun mag so no... no the pie is not going to shoot you... it's not even a pie as I said it's a bird... Yes, we in Australia have weird names for our indiginous flora and fauna (Because of the Aborigines... or is that spelt Aborigenes?... No probably the first... anyhoo yeah they named the things first so we have to call them what they called them... well at least one tribe there's over 300 different Aboriginal languages but most of which are no longer used or known) so we have things called Kangaroos, Koalas, Wombats, Bilbys (woo!) and Numbats ect and all of them are wonderful animals...

... except magpies... Yeah you know while walking along to the busstop in the morning (as I usually do on a schoolday) and I see these Magpies nearby and they just looked fat... yeah it's spring now and they're fat... I don't know how birds can actually get fat (what are they doing? Eating Mcdonalds?) because they need an awful lot of energy to fly around due to the fact that they're making forces that need to counteract gravity (Physics is fun... now to find out how much birds weigh to calculate how much work they do and how much force is needed to get off the ground! Because... I'm nerdy... but hate maths) Yeah seriously though the world is warming up, food prices are going up, people can barely afford homes or petrol for their cars... plus there's an obesity epedemic amongst children... and NOW BIRDS! Now birds are obese... Yeah birds are obese now I don't know how but they are and it's just... well it's just... nothing really... I just thought I'd mention that I saw some fat birds near traffic lights... they didn't even fly away from me or try to hop away like birds normally do when you walk by them. Maybe they're so fat they're apathetic towards exercise? Oh no! Fat children's behaviour is rubbing off onto our native animals! Next we'll be seeing fat kangaroos or fat kookaburras... that is if you ever get to see one... Seriously I recently heard a kookaburra laugh and I recorded it on camera because it's just so rare to hear one of those birds and I have no seen one since my trip to Margaret river and went for a car ride through the bush/hills and before margaret river I hadn't seen one in years. So yeah, Kookaburras are rare and just coming to Australia does not mean you'll see one... or even any native Australian animal besides good old Magpies (probably because those are the only ones that aren't on the endangered species list...) and if you try to go near Magpies they just might swoop you. Yeah Magpies are very vicious animals at times and will swoop down at you and attack you with their talons and beaks and AK-47's ect... They don't like people sometimes and I thankfully only been swooped at once in my life... But the swooping for people might decrease because like I said: The birds are FAT! and subsequently too lazy to attack innocent people.

Another thing I'd like to say about Magpies... They're very confused birds. OK, the Bilby as we all know (*cough*) is nocturnal. Now there are a few other native Australian animals that only come out at night but Magpies are not one of those. But pretty much everytime I'm awake at midnight I can hear them outside my window! Why are they up late at night!? Magpies aren't nocturnal! I've never heard them up at night before but recently they've decided that they're make a bit of noise for me before I go to bed... So you know we've got Fat insomniac birds in Australia... who are also gender confused... not for any particular reason other than I said they were! I want to make them look as bad as I can in my smear campaign against Magpies! :P Nah I have nothing against them... animals don't have gender issues... But yeah... Obese insomniac indigenous flora... Only in Australia huh? :P

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The French Government Does my Laundry

Yeah OK if you don't get that then you need to see the movie "Sicko" by Michael Moore (It is awesome) and pretty much all I have learnt from it is that being American kills you from the inside. Yes, that's right, you die from just being an American! :P OK the French drink at young ages, smoke, eat fatty food (and according to a friend of mine who went to France for a month some of them also do drugs...) and yet they still live longer than Americans on average and we all know that smoking will kill you slowly and painfully. What I found really amusing about the movie is how it portrays the health system of other countries as purely wonderful compared to America especially France and Britain. OK if you haven't seen it he basically goes into a British hospital and asks people about their bills and how much they spent on their ailments and they just look at him and laugh! Yes, they laugh at you for asking them about spending money in a hospital. He goes around trying to find a medical bill and people just laugh and then he finds a cashiers office and he's like "aha! people do pay money!" well that's all nice and WRONG! WRONG Michael Moore! Because the man behind the counter then explained that he gave people money! Yes that's right... British hospitals give out money to people for their travel expenses... Pretty neat huh? Yeah British totally is awesome! Rock on Britain!

France is better though (cue hatemail from the dirty English pig-dog scum :P nah I love England but when I explain what happens next in the movie you'll agree with me that France is also awesome) because Michael sat down with a bunch of Americans living in France and asked them about sick leave holidays and they get 5 weeks minimum in France. Imagine that... your boss simply doesn't let you work for 5 weeks and pays you anyway! Lol you show your face in your work building and they will beat you up... then pay for your medical bills :P (nah they won't beat you up but it'd be nice to think that your boss cares enough to do that to you if you try to shorten your holiday) Then he went to some family to see how the taxes involved in making the free health care work were effecting them and they had someone employed by the government folding their laundry and cooking them meals and helping with the baby! That's right... the French government will do your laundry! (Under certain circumstances that is... I forgot why I think something to do with maternity leave... yeah that's probably it... People don't just do your work for you people so don't just go to France and expect them to do everything for you that's just stupid. Plus you Americans abolished slavery remember? Guess who's regretting it now? :P) Oh what else did the french do... oh yeah! Some doctor lived in a 1 million dollar three story house (kinda like me!... only his looked better :( and had fish...) and their list of expenses went Mortgage, holidays, food, fish... yeah when asked about what else they needed to pay for they go "um... fish?" and so then I just made jokes about how they were very unhappy because they were all a bunch of French extensionalists and life was pointless and meaningless to them... and the man attempted suicide yesterday because the fish cost too much (he decided this because the way the smoke from his fancy cigarette billowed over his expensive wine and distorted the image of the 2 by 2 metre exotic fish tank made the fish resemble a symbol for the fleeting hedonism and emptyness of his existence..... as fish normally do....)

The moral of the story is don't buy fish if you're French...

But yeah strange jokes aside, (Wine matures with age, maybe one day you will too? :P *hits drums* "Hey! Get away from my drums!" "Crud! Run!") the French and British health system is incredibly good compared to the American (as shown by this completely unbiased documentary... yes I do realise how the media manipulates things ect and was watching it with that in mind but it just looks good... and I was trying to look at ways you can manipulate things and some bits looked slightly over dramatised but it looks all right really I am becoming a fan of Michael Moore he really does seem to have an idea of what he's doing) and speaking of the American health system: it doesn't like poor people. But how does it like heroes? Good old Mike (His full name was getting tedious to write out... seriously though if you were famous and everyone you met called you by your full name you'd get annoyed right? So Michael Moore is now Mike and George Bush is now GDawg) he went and found out this. He got these people who helped out during 9/11 (I feel sad now mentioning this but don't worry things will get better. Beat those terrorists!) and didn't get anything for it and have massive health problems because of it (helping dismembered/dead people out of a collapsed burning building may cause post traumatic stress disorder... or problems with your lungs) and they can't get compensation for being at ground zero...

.. terrorists on the other hand get the best care they possibly can at Guantanamo Bay! :D (That is when they're not being brutally tortured? Yeah let's not discuss that... because quite frankly I have no idea what they do there... and I is scared of the governments... nah jj :P) Yes they have a doctor to prisoner ratio of 1:4 and so you know the guys who saved people from probably the most horrific terrorist attack on American soil get nothing and if Osama Bin Laden has a tooth ache he gets the best treatment he can. Well Michael Moore and I apparently have similar minds because he did something pretty darn funny which I would've loved to do! He gathers up these people in need of medical attention and literally takes them to Guantanamo Bay! :D He's in his little boat (has 3 of them because there's so many people) and picks up a megaphone and says to the guard tower "These are the heroes of 9/11 and we just want some medical attention... we just want the same treatment as the evil doers!" which was absolutely hilarious to me really he's just gone down to Cuba to ask a fellow American to let someone have a dentist look at their teeth...

... and a siren goes off :P

LOL! XD American doesn't like Americans but they like Asubaradabadman Afusu Guhaba666man (the most vile and hated Terrorist of all time! Look his name up on wikipedia... that name again is Asubradmandoufgfghrh24 Afulol69

So failing having Americans give Americans proper medical treatment that was affordable they went EVIL COMMUNIST CUBA! (Because Mike is PURE EVIL! He worships Fidel Castro... or should I say... INfidel Castro?... no... no I shouldn't... I don't actually dislike the guy in anyway... mainly because I don't know why I should I've never really researched to find out if he is actually a bad guy so if I ever met him I'd kindly shake his hand... unless it started glowing... WITH EVIL!) And in EVIL COMMUNIST CUBA they went to an EVIL COMMUNIST HOSPITAL and saw some EVIL COMMUNIST DOCTORS and got EVIL AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE! (They found the medication someone needed that would've cost them $200 in the states for 5 cents an inhaler... an EVIL COMMUNIST INHALER!) So yeah, walk into an EVIL COMMUNIST hospital in Cuba and they'll ask you your name and age then treat you...

... but they're still evil... oh yes definitely... *cough* I mean... why would the American government have lied to you abut how PURELY EVIL Cuba is?... and then take part of it BE American soil? Cuba is PURE EVIL!... Let's make it part of us! (Us being you not me I'm not American... nor do I want to be because as I discovered earlier than being American kills you! You just generally suck when it comes to health care... or living...) so yeah I've learn from this documentary the PURE EVIL of the EVIL COMMUNIST hospitality and kindness! (Curse you kindness! Don't make me blow the hell out of your country!) and that America just sucks...

No offence... but you do... Oh yeah plus there was something in there about Canada (Woo! Canada!) but I can't be bothered talking about it... Go watch the movie! Canada rules!

Woo!

Friday, September 5, 2008

You are wasting your life

I recently got an offensive comment on one of my blogs (FINALLY! Come on people you too lazy to comment?) which I then deleted because quite simply his opinion was WRONG! And also involved disgusting images of old men which still haunt me now... I'm very distressed at that... someone lobotomise me I haven't felt this peturbed since 2girls1cup. (sick... sick... video...) This has inspired me to write this little blog (not a MINI-BLOG because it will probably grow quite large in comparison to MINI-BLOGS or even the brain of some people) about how quite simply... you are wasting your life! I don't think you quite get this... you ARE wasting it and you are wasting it without caring. OK quite simply someone told me I didn't understand irony... which was ironic because they didn't understand what I said that was ironic thus they thought they were superior when really they were moronic (YES THIS IS IRONIC! I checked the dictionary...) and the stupidest thing was he then told me that my blog was boring...

... wait... you're calling me an idiot who is boring and has no life... yet YOU read a FOUR PAGE blog about NOTHING all the way to the end before you commented on the end and said something that wasn't even correct?...

... I see...

... YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE! Who reads 4 pages of something they don't like!? STOP READING MY BLOG! I said multiple times within the blog that the blog itself was pointless and that they shouldn't be reading it and no one would care ect and yet they complained! Complained in an inefficient and non-factually sound manner! (grr rarg me turn into Hulk over internet people's stupidity!) I'd just like everyone to know that they are wasting their lives here... I'm sorry, but, you know... you are. OK not only are you wasting your life reading this blog (which has solely become about previous blog entries? Ye gad!) but just stop and think about your personal lives for a moment and think to yourself what are you actually doing with them? What do you do? Do you actually do something other than the same boring job everyday? Is your job really helping lots of people in different and unique ways? (If so then good on you! If not then do something besides your job!) Seriously when was the last time you just went out and had fun? If you're at school do you actually do work? Do you actually go out and live life to the fullest and always either do something productive or fun? DO YOU!? I don't know but I'd like to find out... apparently... just... go outside or something... you're all so boring and no one has given me a comment that wasn't pointless so yeah... I'm wasting my life too so what? Stop pointing your finger at me and go do something yourself! Maybe I'll follow your example? (The example I told you to set for me?)

Goodbye sir... or madam... although I refuse to say goodbye to you if you are neither just man or woman because I've never met a hermaphrodite before... please don't leave I want to talk to you...

This btw is the gargantuan (is that even a real word? Ginormous isn't....) blog so go read it if you feel like wasting your life for another half an hour http://thewindowofbilby.blogspot.com/2008/07/nostalgia.html

Thursday, September 4, 2008

WRONG!

I'd just like to draw ATTENTION to a previous post (which I could've altered without a fuss but NO! NO! I do NOT do that! I want ATTENTION! And last month I only blogged ONCE so this month will be full of even MORE blogs!)

http://thewindowofbilby.blogspot.com/2008/06/exams-are-over.html

Now everyone reading that like they should? Yes it says in one bit about my deliberately stupid answers the following:

"When asked about a balloon that rises at an decreasing rate and when does it stop? Well of course it continues going up for ever until its had infinite time to go up and infininth of any measurement... but this isn't actually physically possible (it IS the answer though) so I decided to say that... "given infinite time it will go on into infinity but that isn't actually physically possible but seeing how this is maths and isn't physics/reality then it doesn't matter""

Well you see I KNOW that this is the case because in a previous question I have recieved by the teacher which pretty much was the same as this the answer was the same as I gave (minus the bit about reality) and so I'd just like everyone to know that I got it all wrong! :O Because you see apparently it is possible to CALCULATE THE SUM TO INFINITY! And as you can tell this is very dramatic (even more dramatic than a MINI-BLOG!) and well apparently the teacher told me a lie! Yes... she wasn't teaching me for real when she went on about asymptopes and going on to infinity! She was just lying to me for fun you see... because she likes teaching me wrong (I often fail tests just in spite of her now... yeah that's right don't teach me right and I deliberately do things wrong! Just like you...)

OK just for all you nerdy maths people out there I'd just like to say how much I hate you and your SUM TO INFINITY! Because you see I don't care if you can calculate the sum to infinity you're wrong... and you just prove my point that maths isnt reality because you see if it keeps going on and on for all infinity it will eventually move past any given point and therefore the answer is NOT 500 metres! Yes I think the question was something to do with it starting off flying 100 metres into the air then increasing by 80 then 64 and so on... (0.8 times the previous increment) and yeah... I'm just annoyed at the fact that I didn't get any marks for my answer...

... or my drawing :( oh well...

But yeah I'm right and reality sides with me! Maths is wrong and is evil and even satanic! Just like the pokemon trading card game! (no really go on wikipedia and find this out) so I'm going to sleep now... so tired... (blogging takes it out of me... just not as young as I used to be)

Boredom

HI PEOPLE! I have been blogging less and less (and in turn my sleep patterns have gone all out of whack and I now think I am a duck... a magical duck that blogs) and in turn I have... nothing in my blog? Oh well I'M SO BORED! Although the librarians story about his racist foreign drunk for a neighbour is quite amusing :P Anyhoo, I am quite bored and so I decided to blog... I had something to blog about before but I don't remember it anymore and chances are I won't remember it because I just go on my own threads here (as do so many people I know) and The Used are an interesting band don't you think? Definitely think their second album is better than their first... or the other way round. Whichever one has "The Bird and The Worm" was better...

anyhoo... UGH! I really don't know what to say but I decided to talk anyway (which is... the normal actually if you know me :P) and I actually had an idea to blog about nothing (as I normally do. You idiots out there reading this are pretty annoyed at me now huh? :P unless I know you then you're not an idiot because you're probably reading this because I told you to...) but I don't like that idea and I think I had another... one day I'll blog about drugs but today isn't it... THE TISSUES HAVE RUN OUT! (You're enjoying this "talk about nothing" blog aren't you? ooohhh yeeahhh) That's RIGHT! Those darn tissues have lasted over a week of me having the flu and have finally run out even though they magically wouldn't all of last week for some reason that escapes me. But they have run out now! Yes... Yes they have... It's truly amazing (and... just as boring as my life) and their magic is no match for reality! I unfortunately now have no tissues and I still feel sick although I've been forced to go to school for the past few days... ugh...

You suck... yes... yes you do... yes and we all know I'm talking about the flu germs that plague me with every craggling cough! Ugh I'm actually feeling a lot better than I did last week (Thanks for asking! I know you didn't but I is internet people now and HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING!!) so I might actually get back to my youtube channel sometime... very sorry for neglecting it I've just been boring as anything and can't be bothered actually finishing anything (and in fact, I have no idea how many unfinished projects I have in the works) so maybe one day I shall... I'll try not to let anyone wait more than 2 whole months without any vids from me dont worry...

I'll be back..

Blogs on bloggers

I have recently discovered that the school librarian has a blog... I also recently found out his name is Rod which for some reason is really weird to me... seriously though being young (although technically 709) you refer to all your teachers as "Mr such and such" unless they're girls (because calling women men will generally lead to you getting in trouble) and so it's all very odd because we all go round thinking of people as certain names and nothing else and we never stop to think that there is more to their names or what we call them. Seriously you never stop and look at a teacher and think "Who is this person? I don't even know their first names!" (although sometimes I actually know my teachers first names. Hello Jacqueline! :P Yes btw anyone who knows who that is, please tell me at school that you noticed that... SOMEONE TELL ME THIS BLOG GETS ME ATTENTION!) so really next time you go out to somewhere you always go just stop and think when you greet someone with "Mr" or "Mrs" and go "hey what is this person's name?" and you know you might find something out very odd and bizarrely shocking like their name is Rod! :O

here is afforementioned blog: http://rodnews.spaces.live.com/

Btw anyone wondering who I am and think that maybe this person will help you discover my identity then... you're weird... just... get a life... :S