With Apologies to Jetstar

The following events started on Tuesday earlier this week. I have yet to get a response from any of the companies involved...

Well have you ever seen a truly awful ad on TV? One that just made you angry at how terrible it was, that is, the seventh time you saw it because all over times weren't memorable enough for you to even know you watched something you should be angry at? Well there's tons of bad ads out there but then there's some that are absolutely astounding in their lack of quality. Well I've had enough and I've decided not to wait until I actually become qualified to work in advertising. I'm going to write to these companies and tell them all the reasons why they did something very very bad that offended me as a viewer (not morally, just as a consumer who wishes to be thouroughly brainwashed properly before consuming things. You don't expect me do to all the work do you?) So surely nothing can go wrong right?

Well here's a bit of my "constructive criticism" I sent to Jetstar after seeing an absolutely terrible ad for a airline company:

Dear Jetstar Airlines

This letter is a response to your advertisements on TV that I saw recently. I want to tell you why it was terrible and how/why you should improve it. I was absolutely appalled by the sheer lack of effort, quality or even basic knowledge of how advertising works present in this ad. The ad I refer to consisted almost entirely of a single shade blue screen with plain informative text and a song on the background. It didn’t capture attention (except in how truly terrible it was) it looked uninteresting and fails in trying to appeal to an audience.

Surely you should know that we’re bombarded by hundreds of images, logos and advertisements but marketing is a competitive business. Only a few stick in our heads so you can see the importance of making an imprint on people’s opinions. Advertising is meant to appeal to a person’s sense of security, comfort or convenience; something your airline should supply for anyone travelling. From families going on a holiday to business men attending a conference, Jetstar can supply all your travelling needs! Your flights are affordable and your friendly well trained staff are devoted to making your customer’s journey as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. Can you see how that’s more appealing than just giving them information to read without any voice over? Your ad isn’t stimulating or memorable. You may not be personally responsible for making it but you should be in charge of deciding if an ad for you gets accepted or not to be broadcasted.

As a film student I am capable of making an advertisement far better than whoever made the ad I speak of. I’d gladly give you half a dozen suggestions for ads that would be entertaining to watch and informative but often people won’t take suggestions from people who aren’t employed by them for legal reasons, especially from game designers or song writers. If you wish to hear my ideas for ad campaigns then by all means ask, I encourage you to do so, but if not I still implore you to come up with a better advertisement. It really is so terrible it’s most likely detrimental to your image because it’s so terrible.

Remember, an ad isn’t just a number and a name on a screen telling someone how much and what company can give them whatever service they want, it’s a competition be the most interesting and appealing thing between parts of a show. You need to make the audience want your service not just know of it. If I can make an ad worthwhile talking about then surely you can too. Best of luck next time! I know you are capable of making an ad that works.

Make it funny or awe inspiring or just aesthetically pleasing. Make it good.

Well! I sent it off the next day in the morning thinking "I just wrote my first letter to a company!" so that was good. That day was looking quite hopeful!

Then I got home from wherever I was that day (I assume I was outside, after all I did need to go back inside after it all) and sat down to watch the TV. I was watching The Simpsons as I was the previous night when I had seen that terrible ad... and then there it was again. I looked closer at it this time.

Then I saw the company logo. It was "Skywest" not Jetstar. I had just sent that letter to Jetstar! Ohhh... no... and now they have my home address and name. DAMNIT! Time to send an apology letter and hope they get them at the same time.

Dear Jetstar Airlines.

I recently sent you a letter complaining about how absolutely terrible your ad campaigns are and I would like to apologise. They were actually ads for Skywest. You see that’s just how bad they were! They were so bad I didn’t even know what company they were for and so I have embarrassingly complained to the wrong people! Well I don’t know how you sort your mail and in fact, someone might read this letter before they read the other one. If that happens perhaps you could have a laugh at the embarrassing circumstances surrounding this unfortunate mix up and be entertained by my views of your competitors. In the end I do say you are capable of making a better ad, and this just proves that you can. You’re better than Skywest and you also go more places. Good on you! Sorry for that, I have sent a letter to them instead now.

Terribly sorry for any inconvenience or offence my lack of thinking has caused you.


Surely they'll take it all in good humour right? And surely this experience has taught us nothing but the importance of good advertising! Had their ad been succifiently good enough for me to not forget as soon as I had seen the ad (twice, by the way, second time I had to get someone else to tell me who the hell the ad was for even though I had payed attention. Even then I had to look it up to be sure) then I would've complained to them in the first place instead of Jetstar! Or even better, I wouldn't have to complain about how much they suck in the first place! Someone has to tell them they're wrong, and I'm as good as anyone right?

Right?

Goodbye

Hello all. Tomorrow I set off to Sydney for a week and then to Tasmania for yet another week so recently I decided to start packing. I've been going round finding pencils and sharpening them. What? Yes well I've decided to do some drawing/writing when I am on holiday so I gathered as many pencils as I could and found all the unused sketchbooks and then my mother told me that no one needed that many pencils so I should put some back. I am very disapointed that I'm only bringing 7 (of the largest there were) with me across the country to draw whatever interesting things I find there. Trees, rocks, hobos even slightly different designed public transport! I wonder what colour scheme they go with for the trains in Sydney. Green like Transperth? (Who I follow on Twitter)

I've never been on a plane before. Does it hurt? I hope not. I do not like hurtyness.... No but seriously though I am going to miss my dearst Lorna a lot which is part of the reason why I've stocked up on paper and pens. I'm going to write her a letter while away! A few actually. Perhaps some more people need mail while I'm away? That's it! I'm going to send a bunch of people letters while I'm away :D Then when I come home they'll get them at a similar time and be like "aww! This is so sweet!" and I'll stand there thinking "OK do you need to read them now? I mean... I'm standing here and all and I just got back. Attention! Give me attention!" So the sending letters thing will only occur in Sydney not Tasmania. Oh! When I get back I'm sure to show you some of my lovely drawings/sketchings :)

Well goodbye blogosphere! I shall leave you now but fear not for I shall return!

Stalker Chain Letter

Well we all know chain letters are spawned by Satan (Along with terrorists, AIDS and 2001: A Space Oddessey) but do you know why they exist? (Besides the obvious reason that people are bored idiots with too much time on their hands and decide to pass some generic drivel on instead of writing a proper intelligent email! Come on people? Talking so hard for you!? If you're hiding on the internet all day that you're bored enough to create or send a chain letter then yeah... talking to people probably isn't one of your strong points...) Well they exist not just because the world is socially inept and hooked to a global network of porn, attention seeking bloggers (aww damn... I'm complaining about myself now!) and wikipedia entries (A bit too many say "Citation needed"... come on sad losers of the world! Citate! Citate! Cit- OK that's going to start sounding dirty if I keep yelling it...) but they exist because all your friends are stalking you! Seriously, Chain letters try to find out every detail about your life then force you to send it off to everyone humanly possible to be spread across the web and if you don't you die in strange and frankly disturbing ways involving little kids at the end of your bed (Maybe an ironic death for paedophiles?) so my idea is basically... that the internets is stalking you and you're letting them stalk you. Stop posting chain letters!

... OR....

... Send one around that doesn't hide the PURE EVIL and FIENDISHLY DESCIPABLE motive of the dreaded chain letter! Forward one that isn't the slightest bit subtle when it comes to finding out every little piece of information about you as it possibly can before you're hunted down by every sick weirdo on the internets... A.K.A. You're best friend... (who is also the spawn of satan... and his lover HAL 9000... yeah I just don't like 2001 OK?) why not send THIS to you're friends and family... or complete strangers (which is the ultimate plan for the chain letter organisation)

Creepy Stalker Chain Letter

Fill in your answers then send this onto everyone you know! And even people you don't know (especially people you don't know....)

1. What is your full (including middle) name?

2. Are you planning on lying during this string of perfectly innocent questions?

3. Why?

4. Do you think the exits to your house are suitable enough in case anything might go wrong?

5. Do you wear fire resistant pyjamas?

6. Who do you like?

7. Do you think he/she looks pale? Do you think they might accidentaly die of natural causes?

8. If the answer to the last question was "no" then why do you think your judgement is infallible?

9. Are you superman or any other superhero?

10. Do you have anyway of defending yourself from an attacker like mace or panic whistle?

11. Do you know any self defence techniques?

12. Do you love the person who sent this to you?

13. Why don't you love them?

14. Could you learn to love them?

15. What if your life depended on it?

16. Where do you live?

17. Do you keep a spare key in case you're locked out in the area around the door?

18. If so, where?

19. Why won't you give me a spare key?

20. Where in the house is your bedroom located?

21. How many people live with you?

22. Do you have a guard dog or any other form of security system?

23. Do you think bunnies or guinea pigs are cuter?

24. Calm blue skies or my dark dank basement where no one can hear you scream?

25. When is the latest time anyone in your house would go to sleep?

26. Are any of them light sleepers and easily woken by creeping footsteps?

27. Do you have any heart condition that will affect you if a taser is used to incapacitate you?

28. What are you wearing?

29. Why don't you wear something else?

30. Don't you like the clothes I bought for you?

31. Why don't you ever open your bedroom curtains?

32. OPEN YOUR BEDROOM CURTAINS! I wasn't asking....

33. What colour do you think is better? Blood red or the cold dark Black of nothingness?

34. Do you like flowers in the mail?

35. Do you like chocolate in the mail?

36. Do you like dead puppies in the mail?

37. Would you like me in the mail?

38. What's your MSN password?

39. What's your bank password?

40. Do you have a panic room?

41. How do I get into your panic room?

42. Do people behind bushes creep you out?

43. What's infront of you right now?

44. What's the most precious thing to you in your bedroom?

45. Would you do anything to get your mother/father back safely alive?

46. Do you like cats or dogs more?

47. What's your favourite flavour of icecream?

48. Do you think your room would look good coloured red?

49. I do...

50. Are your windows reinforced or easy to break?

51. Are you a good runner?

52. What's your social security number?

53. Don't you think "security" is ironically amusing?

54. I do...

55. How many people will you send this to?

56. Do any of them deserve your attention more than I do?

57. Why?

58. Do you expect to hear back from any of the people you sent this to... ever again...?

59. Where do you go on sunday nights?

60. Where do you go on saturday nights?

61. What subjects do you take at school and when are then on during the day?

62. What school do you go to?

63. Who do you sit next to?

64. Do you think they could outrun my car?

65. Do you think they could survive a car "accident"?

66. What do you dream about?

67. What was your first word?

68. Did you cry during the movie bambi?

69. Did you laugh at the number 69?

70. Who did you last talk to?

71. Do they know where you are right now?

72. Will you be missed?

73. What's your favourite film?

74. I'm always watching you

75. Do you like baby pandas?

OK if you don't send this on to anyone in the next 24 hours they will assume you missing and you shall not be harmed.

... also, if you send this to anyone they will most likely call the police on you! Anyone who ever reads this will think you're the biggest psychotic stalker of all time... and I somehow made this up while listening to Stone Sour so what does that say about me? (Reborn is such an awesome song) Anyhoo, hope you have learnt that chain letters really are completely pure evil and you shouldn't endorse them by sending them on to other poor victims... no one likes chain letters (or at least I don't and in true internetz person fashion I shall try to enforce my views onto everyone!)

Have fun...

... I am always watching you...