Stalker Chain Letter

Well we all know chain letters are spawned by Satan (Along with terrorists, AIDS and 2001: A Space Oddessey) but do you know why they exist? (Besides the obvious reason that people are bored idiots with too much time on their hands and decide to pass some generic drivel on instead of writing a proper intelligent email! Come on people? Talking so hard for you!? If you're hiding on the internet all day that you're bored enough to create or send a chain letter then yeah... talking to people probably isn't one of your strong points...) Well they exist not just because the world is socially inept and hooked to a global network of porn, attention seeking bloggers (aww damn... I'm complaining about myself now!) and wikipedia entries (A bit too many say "Citation needed"... come on sad losers of the world! Citate! Citate! Cit- OK that's going to start sounding dirty if I keep yelling it...) but they exist because all your friends are stalking you! Seriously, Chain letters try to find out every detail about your life then force you to send it off to everyone humanly possible to be spread across the web and if you don't you die in strange and frankly disturbing ways involving little kids at the end of your bed (Maybe an ironic death for paedophiles?) so my idea is basically... that the internets is stalking you and you're letting them stalk you. Stop posting chain letters!

... OR....

... Send one around that doesn't hide the PURE EVIL and FIENDISHLY DESCIPABLE motive of the dreaded chain letter! Forward one that isn't the slightest bit subtle when it comes to finding out every little piece of information about you as it possibly can before you're hunted down by every sick weirdo on the internets... A.K.A. You're best friend... (who is also the spawn of satan... and his lover HAL 9000... yeah I just don't like 2001 OK?) why not send THIS to you're friends and family... or complete strangers (which is the ultimate plan for the chain letter organisation)

Creepy Stalker Chain Letter

Fill in your answers then send this onto everyone you know! And even people you don't know (especially people you don't know....)

1. What is your full (including middle) name?

2. Are you planning on lying during this string of perfectly innocent questions?

3. Why?

4. Do you think the exits to your house are suitable enough in case anything might go wrong?

5. Do you wear fire resistant pyjamas?

6. Who do you like?

7. Do you think he/she looks pale? Do you think they might accidentaly die of natural causes?

8. If the answer to the last question was "no" then why do you think your judgement is infallible?

9. Are you superman or any other superhero?

10. Do you have anyway of defending yourself from an attacker like mace or panic whistle?

11. Do you know any self defence techniques?

12. Do you love the person who sent this to you?

13. Why don't you love them?

14. Could you learn to love them?

15. What if your life depended on it?

16. Where do you live?

17. Do you keep a spare key in case you're locked out in the area around the door?

18. If so, where?

19. Why won't you give me a spare key?

20. Where in the house is your bedroom located?

21. How many people live with you?

22. Do you have a guard dog or any other form of security system?

23. Do you think bunnies or guinea pigs are cuter?

24. Calm blue skies or my dark dank basement where no one can hear you scream?

25. When is the latest time anyone in your house would go to sleep?

26. Are any of them light sleepers and easily woken by creeping footsteps?

27. Do you have any heart condition that will affect you if a taser is used to incapacitate you?

28. What are you wearing?

29. Why don't you wear something else?

30. Don't you like the clothes I bought for you?

31. Why don't you ever open your bedroom curtains?

32. OPEN YOUR BEDROOM CURTAINS! I wasn't asking....

33. What colour do you think is better? Blood red or the cold dark Black of nothingness?

34. Do you like flowers in the mail?

35. Do you like chocolate in the mail?

36. Do you like dead puppies in the mail?

37. Would you like me in the mail?

38. What's your MSN password?

39. What's your bank password?

40. Do you have a panic room?

41. How do I get into your panic room?

42. Do people behind bushes creep you out?

43. What's infront of you right now?

44. What's the most precious thing to you in your bedroom?

45. Would you do anything to get your mother/father back safely alive?

46. Do you like cats or dogs more?

47. What's your favourite flavour of icecream?

48. Do you think your room would look good coloured red?

49. I do...

50. Are your windows reinforced or easy to break?

51. Are you a good runner?

52. What's your social security number?

53. Don't you think "security" is ironically amusing?

54. I do...

55. How many people will you send this to?

56. Do any of them deserve your attention more than I do?

57. Why?

58. Do you expect to hear back from any of the people you sent this to... ever again...?

59. Where do you go on sunday nights?

60. Where do you go on saturday nights?

61. What subjects do you take at school and when are then on during the day?

62. What school do you go to?

63. Who do you sit next to?

64. Do you think they could outrun my car?

65. Do you think they could survive a car "accident"?

66. What do you dream about?

67. What was your first word?

68. Did you cry during the movie bambi?

69. Did you laugh at the number 69?

70. Who did you last talk to?

71. Do they know where you are right now?

72. Will you be missed?

73. What's your favourite film?

74. I'm always watching you

75. Do you like baby pandas?

OK if you don't send this on to anyone in the next 24 hours they will assume you missing and you shall not be harmed.

... also, if you send this to anyone they will most likely call the police on you! Anyone who ever reads this will think you're the biggest psychotic stalker of all time... and I somehow made this up while listening to Stone Sour so what does that say about me? (Reborn is such an awesome song) Anyhoo, hope you have learnt that chain letters really are completely pure evil and you shouldn't endorse them by sending them on to other poor victims... no one likes chain letters (or at least I don't and in true internetz person fashion I shall try to enforce my views onto everyone!)

Have fun...

... I am always watching you...