So there I was, on the train, wearing 3-quarter camouflage pants, converse shoe look a likes and my collarless shirt with superman on it with no jacket because it was hot. I was playing my Pokemon Yellow (original copy from the 90's) on my old Gameboy Advance (not the SP), my long untamed, unbrushed and curly hair on my shoulders complimenting my untended to hobo beard... just listening to some alternative/experimental rock band from Canada on my non-iPod mp3 player and taking up space on the train because I'm slightly overweight.
A very hot girl sits down next to me.
Oddly enough, the idea that perhaps striking a conversation with her did not occur to me to be a likely thing to occur in the near future.
"So heard about the upcoming Green Lantern movie? Dude is weak to like... yellow..."
Which is even worse than Hancock's weakness... which is true love. Awww... (which is quite the weakness, and we should learn to overcome that and be strong even when a girl is nearby...) Sorry I meant SPOILERS!!! There, now you can read the sentence that I just wrote. Happy? Good. Let's move on.
Though there did turn out to be a nerd girl on the train! I saw her at the Esplanade waiting for the next train, as we had both been forced off the one we were on already because it was terminating (WHY!? WHY NOT JUST KEEP GOING LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO!?) and she was playing Pokemon on her Gameboy Advance SP (DAMN HER! She's semi-old school but still more advanced/richer than I?) Then on the way home she was on the train once again. Ah, a nerd girl on the train! If only I talked to her... if only she was more attractive... Not that she was unattractive, but she looked misleadingly fit for a girl playing Pokemon. Admit it, you go for runs don't you? DON'T YOU!? You're an athlete luring me in with your Pokemons...
Anyhoo...
Trains. They're on strike again. Why? Why indeed? I suppose we'll be getting news reports on it. Perhaps even I'll write one! I am a journalist.... student after all! Although it is a bit ambitious for me seeing as I've never actually interviewed anyone , this is actually only my second assignment and I doubt the government department of transportation returns 1st year Journalism students' phone calls. I will most likely end up thinking of a more realistic idea for my assignment... but oh well. Next time there's a strike and I've actually become a confident/competent journalist I will be there! I will not be turned away! I will watch my step and mind the gap as I enter the door, but that door will be your office door mr... whoever! (Or ms or mrs) Or... I will phone you! But either way, I shall get my interview.
Thankfully every time there's a strike I somehow manage to coincidentally leave home hours early. Which is good for me, but it can't possibly keep going forever... soon, I shall be stuck at a train station missing something important all because of YOU! YOU TRANSPERTH!
Turns out this sort of thing is not local (DUH) and can be found everywhere... even London! :O
Click on this link for a funny flash animation song!
Enjoy that song? Yeah I found it amusing too... oh wait sorry I mean: Warning! Contains harsh language and should not be listened to by small children... with parents nearby. Oh I'm bad at the reasonable forewarning aren't I?
Well goodnight stalkers :) Enjoy my life.
Showing posts with label stalker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stalker. Show all posts
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Pseudo-Celeb Status
Why do we love celebrities? Before there was Ben Affleck and Oprah there were important people who did things like royalty... back when royalty meant something. That's what we do now, we treat celebrities like royalty and follow them around thinking they're either brilliant or terrible and try to replace them. Then after following them around for so long having them shown to us as wonderful, people decide to just invade their lives and so we get photos of people at the beach or walking around and doing normal things. Shock exclusive photo of Sigourney Weaver without make up looking less than perfect! Who cares? When did celebrities stop being people and start being objects of fascination to study and stalk as if that was ever OK? Last I checked people generally have to sign forms to have their image released to the general public - unless you're famous and you're having a nervous break down. It's your own fault for doing something interesting... you should stick to an office job if you don't want your personal life to be twisted to fit the flavour of the month.
So why do we care when someone we don't know turns out to not be the perfect idolistic person we'd expect them to be (for no real reason at all)? Well I don't. So I'm going to talk about someone else.
Internet celebrities.
They're the weird interesting people who are ALWAYS normal non-perfect people who seem a lot more down to earth than other celebrities so there's no point in trying to bring them down to our level to laugh at their not-even-very-embarrassing photos. They're people who put themselves out there on some website (*cough* youtube specifically *cough*) and got more attention than anyone else. Who says they have talent? These people appear more human to us which... they ARE. They're just random's just like the people watching them. Why do you still feel so special and important if they reply to something you say or comment on your channel to answer some question you asked? They're pseudo-celebrities. The kind that you feel you can achievably interact with even though you're just a little person.
TheHill88 is an example of an internet celebrity who gained popularity by accident. Oh she was so young back then when she rapped about lazydork and lonelygirl15. (Remember when lonelygirl15 was actually a celebrity? Remember the mini-pseudo-media frenzy she caused when we found out that Bree wasn't real? That's the impact of someone sitting and talking to a camera. Never underestimate it.) She has gone from that random 3 years ago just vlogging, to someone who is in two films in production (according to imdb) and has achieved internet status and even had her own little mention on a news story. She now has over 72 THOUSAND subscribers on youtube. I think that's brilliant and truly an amasing thing. How did that happen? I'm not saying she's a bad entertainer or that she hasn't got talent, in fact I think she's awesome... based soly on the collected minutes of footage she has edited and decided to upload for the viewing pleasure of the masses (so technically I don't know do I? And all assumptions are based on someone's manipulated construction of themselves that they screen and select to show) which is basically anyone with an internet connection. Not only do I think she's great based on her vlogs (which, btw, when did talking to yourself become a popular form of entertainment for other people? Is it... like having half a conversation and only the good conversationists are sucessful vloggers?) but to have put up with the terrible onslaught of abuse and haters that EVERYONE no matter how GREAT they are will recieve on youtube. There are always people who are shallow and tools who are excessively cruel just because they can be. She has survived the abuse and not run away completely which is quite an admirable trait. Sure she had that gap of half a year but she's back.
OK see what I'm doing? I'm talking about her life, what she does, what I think of her and what I assume she's like. I don't know this person. It's like commenting on a celebrity. It's just plain weird. I would like to know this person and I don't want to treat her like some random celebrity that I would be thrilled to meet one day in a "OMG! OMG! OMG!" sense because to me they really should be that girl from Australia who got popular. But then... why would I care at all if she's not a real celebrity so I'm not idolising her and don't know her?
That's what internet celebrityness does. It makes you think of people as half everyday people and half celebrity so when you think about approaching this person or talking about them it gets weird. Now I'm wondering, I follow this person on Twitter, I'm a fan on facebook, watch and comment on their blog and youtube channel, read their wikipedia page. How far does it have to go before it becomes stalking? Not just for Caitlin but for EVERYONE. Having celebrity status kinda removes someone from the same "level" so to speak (in people's minds, not in reality, celebs aren't above us) so you think it's OK to read about their lives in the magazines and follow them around but then that's creepy isn't it? But it's... normal. But Caitlin isn't that hollywood million dollar cheque a movie star with her own walk of fame star and such so does this make it right? (I question the morality of Twitter and myspace regardless of what social status a person holds so yeah... but she's just a really good example)
My video I was loading of hers screwed up. I'm on dial-up because I exceded my download limits so I can't load it again because I'm going to bed after this. Dang, and I was hoping to be nostalgic and watch one of her old humorous videos to take me back to the good old days of youtube.
I've lost track of so much youtube stuff... coincedentaly I kinda stopped being obsessed with it when she stopped uploading then got more into it when she came back... coincedentaly. I was trying to go on more and give my channel more attention BEFORE "The Plan" was uploaded so no I'm not stalkerish on that point.
You know if she was reading this right now what would she think? How... weird would it be to read a blog post about yourself by a person you don't know? Is that what it's like to be a celebrity... always having people talk about you when they don't know you, haven't met you but still insist on having opinions of you and talking about you. That's why I've decided that I won't be mean to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in the future because they're really just people who got our attention and are known OF by all of us (but NOT known BY all of us) because the media can manipulate you so easily to thinking whatever you want. Lindsay Lohan recently laughed when she heard she was in a psychiatric ward of some hospital. It was news to her, she was busy not having a nervous breakdown in some jacket. You honestly believe everything? How sad. So yeah, Britney Spears doesn't need to read another thing online about how fat you think she is or how bad you think her new record is, it's all subjective and a matter of opinion (which, btw, is grossly misinformed unless you know the person personally).
So I'm just this random uninformed person... admiring this random semi-famous person for something they do occasionaly for fun... blogging about how weird the interaction is between the two kinds of people we are. Will I ever meet and get to know this person? Probably not.
Hello to all famous and semi-famous people out there. Have a nice day.
So why do we care when someone we don't know turns out to not be the perfect idolistic person we'd expect them to be (for no real reason at all)? Well I don't. So I'm going to talk about someone else.
Internet celebrities.
They're the weird interesting people who are ALWAYS normal non-perfect people who seem a lot more down to earth than other celebrities so there's no point in trying to bring them down to our level to laugh at their not-even-very-embarrassing photos. They're people who put themselves out there on some website (*cough* youtube specifically *cough*) and got more attention than anyone else. Who says they have talent? These people appear more human to us which... they ARE. They're just random's just like the people watching them. Why do you still feel so special and important if they reply to something you say or comment on your channel to answer some question you asked? They're pseudo-celebrities. The kind that you feel you can achievably interact with even though you're just a little person.
TheHill88 is an example of an internet celebrity who gained popularity by accident. Oh she was so young back then when she rapped about lazydork and lonelygirl15. (Remember when lonelygirl15 was actually a celebrity? Remember the mini-pseudo-media frenzy she caused when we found out that Bree wasn't real? That's the impact of someone sitting and talking to a camera. Never underestimate it.) She has gone from that random 3 years ago just vlogging, to someone who is in two films in production (according to imdb) and has achieved internet status and even had her own little mention on a news story. She now has over 72 THOUSAND subscribers on youtube. I think that's brilliant and truly an amasing thing. How did that happen? I'm not saying she's a bad entertainer or that she hasn't got talent, in fact I think she's awesome... based soly on the collected minutes of footage she has edited and decided to upload for the viewing pleasure of the masses (so technically I don't know do I? And all assumptions are based on someone's manipulated construction of themselves that they screen and select to show) which is basically anyone with an internet connection. Not only do I think she's great based on her vlogs (which, btw, when did talking to yourself become a popular form of entertainment for other people? Is it... like having half a conversation and only the good conversationists are sucessful vloggers?) but to have put up with the terrible onslaught of abuse and haters that EVERYONE no matter how GREAT they are will recieve on youtube. There are always people who are shallow and tools who are excessively cruel just because they can be. She has survived the abuse and not run away completely which is quite an admirable trait. Sure she had that gap of half a year but she's back.
OK see what I'm doing? I'm talking about her life, what she does, what I think of her and what I assume she's like. I don't know this person. It's like commenting on a celebrity. It's just plain weird. I would like to know this person and I don't want to treat her like some random celebrity that I would be thrilled to meet one day in a "OMG! OMG! OMG!" sense because to me they really should be that girl from Australia who got popular. But then... why would I care at all if she's not a real celebrity so I'm not idolising her and don't know her?
That's what internet celebrityness does. It makes you think of people as half everyday people and half celebrity so when you think about approaching this person or talking about them it gets weird. Now I'm wondering, I follow this person on Twitter, I'm a fan on facebook, watch and comment on their blog and youtube channel, read their wikipedia page. How far does it have to go before it becomes stalking? Not just for Caitlin but for EVERYONE. Having celebrity status kinda removes someone from the same "level" so to speak (in people's minds, not in reality, celebs aren't above us) so you think it's OK to read about their lives in the magazines and follow them around but then that's creepy isn't it? But it's... normal. But Caitlin isn't that hollywood million dollar cheque a movie star with her own walk of fame star and such so does this make it right? (I question the morality of Twitter and myspace regardless of what social status a person holds so yeah... but she's just a really good example)
My video I was loading of hers screwed up. I'm on dial-up because I exceded my download limits so I can't load it again because I'm going to bed after this. Dang, and I was hoping to be nostalgic and watch one of her old humorous videos to take me back to the good old days of youtube.
I've lost track of so much youtube stuff... coincedentaly I kinda stopped being obsessed with it when she stopped uploading then got more into it when she came back... coincedentaly. I was trying to go on more and give my channel more attention BEFORE "The Plan" was uploaded so no I'm not stalkerish on that point.
You know if she was reading this right now what would she think? How... weird would it be to read a blog post about yourself by a person you don't know? Is that what it's like to be a celebrity... always having people talk about you when they don't know you, haven't met you but still insist on having opinions of you and talking about you. That's why I've decided that I won't be mean to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in the future because they're really just people who got our attention and are known OF by all of us (but NOT known BY all of us) because the media can manipulate you so easily to thinking whatever you want. Lindsay Lohan recently laughed when she heard she was in a psychiatric ward of some hospital. It was news to her, she was busy not having a nervous breakdown in some jacket. You honestly believe everything? How sad. So yeah, Britney Spears doesn't need to read another thing online about how fat you think she is or how bad you think her new record is, it's all subjective and a matter of opinion (which, btw, is grossly misinformed unless you know the person personally).
So I'm just this random uninformed person... admiring this random semi-famous person for something they do occasionaly for fun... blogging about how weird the interaction is between the two kinds of people we are. Will I ever meet and get to know this person? Probably not.
Hello to all famous and semi-famous people out there. Have a nice day.
Friday, October 31, 2008
This is Halloween
OK! Halloween, time the butt ugly come out to play... as in all the annoying little neighbourhood kids. Anonymity rules! I can insult anyone! Although apparently my anonymity is being threatened by some anonymous person who is most likely reading this... OH! OH! Another idea! :D hahaha! OK, Becca (the evil terrorist who still forces me to blog even as we speak!.... which... is what I'm doing right now...) might have recommended her favourite blog to people (who wouldn't?) and so you, mysterious stranger, may be a friend of hers! Yes! If I have guessed correctly then I am brilliant and wonderful! If I have guessed incorrectly I would have only have increased my number of suspects to a bigger number... one that will take time to shrink. Well I have determined that you're not a friend of my girlfriend and you're located within Australia (unless your friend is in Australia but you yourself live in New Zealand! Which is unlikely because... she was looking over your shoulder during your last blog entry so therefore you must definitely be in Australia and I have also proved that people read your blog and pay attention to the things in it!) OK... well you're therefore the friend of potentially a bunch of people I know...
... and then all of a sudden there's a murder in the Library and Marple and Poirot bind together to make one big SUPER DETECTIVE! They must solve the mystery of who the hell are you Brooklyn!? and the dead body in the library... dang... man that's going to smell in a couple of days you might want to move it... hmmm ye gad...
BLOGGING IS FUN!
Anyhoo, halloween... yes it's so much fun! I love it I really do... even though I've never trick and/or treated in my life... well... unless you really count what I'm about to tell you what I do as tricking... yes! OK maybe it does :) Well my mother (being the stern woman she is) has decided that I need to be protected from the friendly neighbourhood PSYCHOPATHS! (We all know one... don't we just? mwahahagagagagjahagawa! Bizarre maniacal laughs are fun!) so I'm basically not allowed to take candy from strangers... yeah also need to be home before 8... Yeah but before then I can go out and do whatever I want, knock on doors ect... I just can't EAT STUFF! Which is fine because I don't actually like sugar that much (and I am a horribly twisted mutant who doesn't even like CHOCOLATE! AGH! RUN AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE!) so I have learnt to compensate for not getting sugar on this 31st of October by doing other things to amuse myself...
... evil... things....
... dark... twisted...
...things....
.... that don't involve eggs...
What they do involve is my friend (yes I have friends too Mrs B. You're not the only one with an odd friend who does things and tells you stuff and talks when talked to! ha!) We basically go round to local houses with whatever strange idea we have for that particular year and do it. Well by that I mean we get really enthusiastic, come up with a brilliantly funny idea and he chickens out constantly and I nag him "come on this house! It has lights on! oh that one is in the open! Come on just one house..." until we eventually knock on about two or three doors then go home... of course this takes about an hour or two of walking around aimlessly before we achieve what we came out here to do. "WHAT THE HELL IS IT YOU DO!? TELL US DARNIT! TEEEEELLLL UUUSSSS!!!" you might be screaming at your computer screen right now with anticipation (I like it when people yell things in anticipation... means they're anticipating something... :P yeah!) well it's simple: we do odd things... such as the following:
First year we came up with this annual tradition it was simple. Christmas Carolling for money. Yeah, that's right, we went round (completely costumeless) and decided to go christmas carolling around at places for money! One person just smiled, shoved candy into our hands and said "happy halloween" before trying to get rid of us before we could even tell her that WE DIDN'T WANT YOUR CANDY WOMAN! Yeah I know I shouldn't yell but LET US SING DARNIT! IT'S HALLOWEEN! So yeah, ended up singing very little songs that evening because neither of us could actually sing and no one actually wanted us too... except one house that was very amused by this idea and told us to wait when they went to get their wallets so they could pay us for half a rendition of "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" before we decided to walk briskly/run away... then I went home to watch Mythbusters (which was the style at the time)
Second year we did this... I think that was the year we handed out business cards........ for the mafia :) Need a hit-man? Call us! Don't need one? We whack you! We left them on people's cars, underneath their newly delivered yellow pages and even tryed handed them out to people walking past (who then met up with us again and asked for more... we denied the cards existence. We've never heard of this "mafia" you speak of and definitely do not promote killing people for money......... *shifty eyes*) The last thing we did was knock on the door of the person across the street from my friends house (he hid in the bushes of his house so he wasn't seen by his neighbours... why come along dude? You just try to avoid being seen or doing anything!) and handed the card to a slightly confused/entertained middle aged woman... who I then asked for money from and she laughed at me and said "no." So I said she shouldn't mess with me I'm part of the mafia... which mob of gangsters I was part of and who their leader (if any) was completely unclear to her... and me really... Strange how that mafia doesn't actually seem to exist...
OK I think we missed a year sometime but the next time we did someone we decided to print out satanic business cards (call 666-666-669...2) which had a pentagram in the middle and the Star of David around the edges (I apologise to the Jewish culture for that... but you know, I was going to see if anyone actually noticed the difference... no one did... in fact I don't remember even handing out any...)Well that year was pretty boring...
Last year! woo! yeah! My friends who were online that night when I got home should know this story very well (Hey ya coolest cheerleader around! :P Yeah you know who you are!... even if you probably will never read this... even though I'll tell you to on monday or something... everyone else who reads this who know who I'm talking about tell her that I mentioned her so she can go "oh cool! awesome ily!" or "garw6sh! Stalker lol nah just kidding") Well the story is as follows: why hand out business cards? They're boring... why not delve into IRONY! (Irony: as in that thing that I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!) Well (for those who don't know) Halloween works by simply having little kids in costumes knock on doors and the adults handing out unhealthy sugary stuff... now, if you were to reverse this slightly you'd get what my friend and I did: Well we were BIG kids WITHOUT costumes knock on people's doors and try to hand the adults nice, healthy apples! :D Yeah, we grabbed a bunch of apples, put them in a bag (and my pocket) and went round offering people apples! Well interestingly enough my mother isn't the only one cautious of people handing stuff out during Halloween because everyone looked at me weird and questioned me if the apple was poison (stop watching Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs dude... I'm not some evil witch I don't even have a costume) and to which my reply was "well technically Apples DO contain very small trace amounts of cyanide..." they didn't seem reassured by my nerdyness "because you know... cyder, cyanide? Both come from apples..." (as obvious by the root of both words) and the last guy (who had one of those delightful Irish accents... but one of those not so delightly Irish attitudes... the one that's like "let's drink beer, get blind-drunk and fight some English guys!". There's more than one attitude towards things associated with the Irish and his seemed to be the bad one but yeah...) asked us who we were and what we were doing and I go "I'm John Howard and he's Kevin Rudd" "No you're not" "Yeah, why do you think we're annoying the voters on Halloween?" He decided he wasn't getting a proper response from that (I think we annoyed him) he then asked us why we're doing it (because we're weird?) and we said "Well we just thought that we would try to make Halloween healthier" and so he holds the apple and looks at me and goes "There's nothing wrong with this?" "No." "So if I give this to my kids..." "No don't do that" "Why not?" "Well uh... you've just scared me really..." (The apple had been in my hand for a while... it was slightly sweaty! I don't want to give the scary big irish man's kids a sweaty apple!) and he had previously (or afterwards, not sure but he did this not long before we left) said that "if anything is wrong with this apple I will hunt you down and kick you to death" to which I replied "Can't you just punch us instead? It's just so much more fun..." "No. I will kick you to death." The scary thing was he REALLY WASN'T KIDDING! This guy only lived in the street next to mine he wouldn't have to go far to hunt me down and beat me to a bloody pulp... and he looked like he could do it too! Well the other person we tried to give the apple was a bit less interested in the apple and a bit less agressive about the whole thing. We knocked on his door and he opens it (only guys seem to open doors when you're holding apples... unless you're one of THOSE houses that don't open the door regardless of who it is just because it's Halloween!) and we go "do you want an apple?" "...what?" "We're giving out apples" (then comes explaning) "Well you see kids these days are just so fat. We thought if we gave you an apple you could hand it out to children so they'd have something healthy to eat instead of sugar..." (he stares at me) "...you look like a fat kid sir! Sure you don't want the apple?" My overly amused giggle at my insult to him (he was thin and middle aged) most likely eliminated any temptation in his head to take the apple from these strange deranged kids on his front doorstep so they'd go away. Yeah, first rule of salemenship: DON'T CALL THE PERSON YOU'RE CONNING THAT THEY'RE FAT AND CHILDISH! Tis not good... not it tis not... oh well, he tried to get rid of us instead of listening to us being weird after that...
And so yeah, this year I didn't think of anything and didn't get in contact with my friend in time to organise anything so tonight I sit here on this computer (avoiding doing work I'm going to be assessed on in less than a week... I have to PERFORM an original play by myself so basically need to first write it, then learn my lines, then actually figure out how to move ect by Wednesday... yay!) and I have now blogged an nice long blog to amuse my stalkers, terrorists and whatever people I manage to convince to come read this... I hope you're all happy now :)
Oh yeah plus I've discovered that it doesn't matter how long my blog entries are, they'll always show 7 of them to a page (click "older posts" and another 7 will come up) so I can write as much as I want or as little and if it makes 7 blog entries then to see any previous ones you need to click more buttons... that's why I didn't want to write a smaller blog before now because I like my Stalker Chain Letter post... it's cool (http://thewindowofbilby.blogspot.com/2008/10/stalker-chain-letter.html) and creepy... that reminds me, my list of suspects just grew! OK... if Mrs B. turns out to be a friend of The Nameless One (trying to avoid releasing personal information here... like names...) then that's just... interesting... well I'm not entirely sure but I guess I'd be very flattered she thinks my blog is interesting enough to tell other people about :) Just so Mrs B. knows who The Nameless One is (Because only I call The Nameless One The Nameless One) her name starts with E...
So I hope Becca L. Blogmore the terrorist enjoys my blog entry and stops yelling at me over MSN to blog more :P (which she will now she just because I said I hope she won't)
P.S. Cheerleaders never die...
... and then all of a sudden there's a murder in the Library and Marple and Poirot bind together to make one big SUPER DETECTIVE! They must solve the mystery of who the hell are you Brooklyn!? and the dead body in the library... dang... man that's going to smell in a couple of days you might want to move it... hmmm ye gad...
BLOGGING IS FUN!
Anyhoo, halloween... yes it's so much fun! I love it I really do... even though I've never trick and/or treated in my life... well... unless you really count what I'm about to tell you what I do as tricking... yes! OK maybe it does :) Well my mother (being the stern woman she is) has decided that I need to be protected from the friendly neighbourhood PSYCHOPATHS! (We all know one... don't we just? mwahahagagagagjahagawa! Bizarre maniacal laughs are fun!) so I'm basically not allowed to take candy from strangers... yeah also need to be home before 8... Yeah but before then I can go out and do whatever I want, knock on doors ect... I just can't EAT STUFF! Which is fine because I don't actually like sugar that much (and I am a horribly twisted mutant who doesn't even like CHOCOLATE! AGH! RUN AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE!) so I have learnt to compensate for not getting sugar on this 31st of October by doing other things to amuse myself...
... evil... things....
... dark... twisted...
...things....
.... that don't involve eggs...
What they do involve is my friend (yes I have friends too Mrs B. You're not the only one with an odd friend who does things and tells you stuff and talks when talked to! ha!) We basically go round to local houses with whatever strange idea we have for that particular year and do it. Well by that I mean we get really enthusiastic, come up with a brilliantly funny idea and he chickens out constantly and I nag him "come on this house! It has lights on! oh that one is in the open! Come on just one house..." until we eventually knock on about two or three doors then go home... of course this takes about an hour or two of walking around aimlessly before we achieve what we came out here to do. "WHAT THE HELL IS IT YOU DO!? TELL US DARNIT! TEEEEELLLL UUUSSSS!!!" you might be screaming at your computer screen right now with anticipation (I like it when people yell things in anticipation... means they're anticipating something... :P yeah!) well it's simple: we do odd things... such as the following:
First year we came up with this annual tradition it was simple. Christmas Carolling for money. Yeah, that's right, we went round (completely costumeless) and decided to go christmas carolling around at places for money! One person just smiled, shoved candy into our hands and said "happy halloween" before trying to get rid of us before we could even tell her that WE DIDN'T WANT YOUR CANDY WOMAN! Yeah I know I shouldn't yell but LET US SING DARNIT! IT'S HALLOWEEN! So yeah, ended up singing very little songs that evening because neither of us could actually sing and no one actually wanted us too... except one house that was very amused by this idea and told us to wait when they went to get their wallets so they could pay us for half a rendition of "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" before we decided to walk briskly/run away... then I went home to watch Mythbusters (which was the style at the time)
Second year we did this... I think that was the year we handed out business cards........ for the mafia :) Need a hit-man? Call us! Don't need one? We whack you! We left them on people's cars, underneath their newly delivered yellow pages and even tryed handed them out to people walking past (who then met up with us again and asked for more... we denied the cards existence. We've never heard of this "mafia" you speak of and definitely do not promote killing people for money......... *shifty eyes*) The last thing we did was knock on the door of the person across the street from my friends house (he hid in the bushes of his house so he wasn't seen by his neighbours... why come along dude? You just try to avoid being seen or doing anything!) and handed the card to a slightly confused/entertained middle aged woman... who I then asked for money from and she laughed at me and said "no." So I said she shouldn't mess with me I'm part of the mafia... which mob of gangsters I was part of and who their leader (if any) was completely unclear to her... and me really... Strange how that mafia doesn't actually seem to exist...
OK I think we missed a year sometime but the next time we did someone we decided to print out satanic business cards (call 666-666-669...2) which had a pentagram in the middle and the Star of David around the edges (I apologise to the Jewish culture for that... but you know, I was going to see if anyone actually noticed the difference... no one did... in fact I don't remember even handing out any...)Well that year was pretty boring...
Last year! woo! yeah! My friends who were online that night when I got home should know this story very well (Hey ya coolest cheerleader around! :P Yeah you know who you are!... even if you probably will never read this... even though I'll tell you to on monday or something... everyone else who reads this who know who I'm talking about tell her that I mentioned her so she can go "oh cool! awesome ily!" or "garw6sh! Stalker lol nah just kidding") Well the story is as follows: why hand out business cards? They're boring... why not delve into IRONY! (Irony: as in that thing that I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!) Well (for those who don't know) Halloween works by simply having little kids in costumes knock on doors and the adults handing out unhealthy sugary stuff... now, if you were to reverse this slightly you'd get what my friend and I did: Well we were BIG kids WITHOUT costumes knock on people's doors and try to hand the adults nice, healthy apples! :D Yeah, we grabbed a bunch of apples, put them in a bag (and my pocket) and went round offering people apples! Well interestingly enough my mother isn't the only one cautious of people handing stuff out during Halloween because everyone looked at me weird and questioned me if the apple was poison (stop watching Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs dude... I'm not some evil witch I don't even have a costume) and to which my reply was "well technically Apples DO contain very small trace amounts of cyanide..." they didn't seem reassured by my nerdyness "because you know... cyder, cyanide? Both come from apples..." (as obvious by the root of both words) and the last guy (who had one of those delightful Irish accents... but one of those not so delightly Irish attitudes... the one that's like "let's drink beer, get blind-drunk and fight some English guys!". There's more than one attitude towards things associated with the Irish and his seemed to be the bad one but yeah...) asked us who we were and what we were doing and I go "I'm John Howard and he's Kevin Rudd" "No you're not" "Yeah, why do you think we're annoying the voters on Halloween?" He decided he wasn't getting a proper response from that (I think we annoyed him) he then asked us why we're doing it (because we're weird?) and we said "Well we just thought that we would try to make Halloween healthier" and so he holds the apple and looks at me and goes "There's nothing wrong with this?" "No." "So if I give this to my kids..." "No don't do that" "Why not?" "Well uh... you've just scared me really..." (The apple had been in my hand for a while... it was slightly sweaty! I don't want to give the scary big irish man's kids a sweaty apple!) and he had previously (or afterwards, not sure but he did this not long before we left) said that "if anything is wrong with this apple I will hunt you down and kick you to death" to which I replied "Can't you just punch us instead? It's just so much more fun..." "No. I will kick you to death." The scary thing was he REALLY WASN'T KIDDING! This guy only lived in the street next to mine he wouldn't have to go far to hunt me down and beat me to a bloody pulp... and he looked like he could do it too! Well the other person we tried to give the apple was a bit less interested in the apple and a bit less agressive about the whole thing. We knocked on his door and he opens it (only guys seem to open doors when you're holding apples... unless you're one of THOSE houses that don't open the door regardless of who it is just because it's Halloween!) and we go "do you want an apple?" "...what?" "We're giving out apples" (then comes explaning) "Well you see kids these days are just so fat. We thought if we gave you an apple you could hand it out to children so they'd have something healthy to eat instead of sugar..." (he stares at me) "...you look like a fat kid sir! Sure you don't want the apple?" My overly amused giggle at my insult to him (he was thin and middle aged) most likely eliminated any temptation in his head to take the apple from these strange deranged kids on his front doorstep so they'd go away. Yeah, first rule of salemenship: DON'T CALL THE PERSON YOU'RE CONNING THAT THEY'RE FAT AND CHILDISH! Tis not good... not it tis not... oh well, he tried to get rid of us instead of listening to us being weird after that...
And so yeah, this year I didn't think of anything and didn't get in contact with my friend in time to organise anything so tonight I sit here on this computer (avoiding doing work I'm going to be assessed on in less than a week... I have to PERFORM an original play by myself so basically need to first write it, then learn my lines, then actually figure out how to move ect by Wednesday... yay!) and I have now blogged an nice long blog to amuse my stalkers, terrorists and whatever people I manage to convince to come read this... I hope you're all happy now :)
Oh yeah plus I've discovered that it doesn't matter how long my blog entries are, they'll always show 7 of them to a page (click "older posts" and another 7 will come up) so I can write as much as I want or as little and if it makes 7 blog entries then to see any previous ones you need to click more buttons... that's why I didn't want to write a smaller blog before now because I like my Stalker Chain Letter post... it's cool (http://thewindowofbilby.blogspot.com/2008/10/stalker-chain-letter.html) and creepy... that reminds me, my list of suspects just grew! OK... if Mrs B. turns out to be a friend of The Nameless One (trying to avoid releasing personal information here... like names...) then that's just... interesting... well I'm not entirely sure but I guess I'd be very flattered she thinks my blog is interesting enough to tell other people about :) Just so Mrs B. knows who The Nameless One is (Because only I call The Nameless One The Nameless One) her name starts with E...
So I hope Becca L. Blogmore the terrorist enjoys my blog entry and stops yelling at me over MSN to blog more :P (which she will now she just because I said I hope she won't)
P.S. Cheerleaders never die...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Stalker Chain Letter
Well we all know chain letters are spawned by Satan (Along with terrorists, AIDS and 2001: A Space Oddessey) but do you know why they exist? (Besides the obvious reason that people are bored idiots with too much time on their hands and decide to pass some generic drivel on instead of writing a proper intelligent email! Come on people? Talking so hard for you!? If you're hiding on the internet all day that you're bored enough to create or send a chain letter then yeah... talking to people probably isn't one of your strong points...) Well they exist not just because the world is socially inept and hooked to a global network of porn, attention seeking bloggers (aww damn... I'm complaining about myself now!) and wikipedia entries (A bit too many say "Citation needed"... come on sad losers of the world! Citate! Citate! Cit- OK that's going to start sounding dirty if I keep yelling it...) but they exist because all your friends are stalking you! Seriously, Chain letters try to find out every detail about your life then force you to send it off to everyone humanly possible to be spread across the web and if you don't you die in strange and frankly disturbing ways involving little kids at the end of your bed (Maybe an ironic death for paedophiles?) so my idea is basically... that the internets is stalking you and you're letting them stalk you. Stop posting chain letters!
... OR....
... Send one around that doesn't hide the PURE EVIL and FIENDISHLY DESCIPABLE motive of the dreaded chain letter! Forward one that isn't the slightest bit subtle when it comes to finding out every little piece of information about you as it possibly can before you're hunted down by every sick weirdo on the internets... A.K.A. You're best friend... (who is also the spawn of satan... and his lover HAL 9000... yeah I just don't like 2001 OK?) why not send THIS to you're friends and family... or complete strangers (which is the ultimate plan for the chain letter organisation)
Fill in your answers then send this onto everyone you know! And even people you don't know (especially people you don't know....)
1. What is your full (including middle) name?
2. Are you planning on lying during this string of perfectly innocent questions?
3. Why?
4. Do you think the exits to your house are suitable enough in case anything might go wrong?
5. Do you wear fire resistant pyjamas?
6. Who do you like?
7. Do you think he/she looks pale? Do you think they might accidentaly die of natural causes?
8. If the answer to the last question was "no" then why do you think your judgement is infallible?
9. Are you superman or any other superhero?
10. Do you have anyway of defending yourself from an attacker like mace or panic whistle?
11. Do you know any self defence techniques?
12. Do you love the person who sent this to you?
13. Why don't you love them?
14. Could you learn to love them?
15. What if your life depended on it?
16. Where do you live?
17. Do you keep a spare key in case you're locked out in the area around the door?
18. If so, where?
19. Why won't you give me a spare key?
20. Where in the house is your bedroom located?
21. How many people live with you?
22. Do you have a guard dog or any other form of security system?
23. Do you think bunnies or guinea pigs are cuter?
24. Calm blue skies or my dark dank basement where no one can hear you scream?
25. When is the latest time anyone in your house would go to sleep?
26. Are any of them light sleepers and easily woken by creeping footsteps?
27. Do you have any heart condition that will affect you if a taser is used to incapacitate you?
28. What are you wearing?
29. Why don't you wear something else?
30. Don't you like the clothes I bought for you?
31. Why don't you ever open your bedroom curtains?
32. OPEN YOUR BEDROOM CURTAINS! I wasn't asking....
33. What colour do you think is better? Blood red or the cold dark Black of nothingness?
34. Do you like flowers in the mail?
35. Do you like chocolate in the mail?
36. Do you like dead puppies in the mail?
37. Would you like me in the mail?
38. What's your MSN password?
39. What's your bank password?
40. Do you have a panic room?
41. How do I get into your panic room?
42. Do people behind bushes creep you out?
43. What's infront of you right now?
44. What's the most precious thing to you in your bedroom?
45. Would you do anything to get your mother/father back safely alive?
46. Do you like cats or dogs more?
47. What's your favourite flavour of icecream?
48. Do you think your room would look good coloured red?
49. I do...
50. Are your windows reinforced or easy to break?
51. Are you a good runner?
52. What's your social security number?
53. Don't you think "security" is ironically amusing?
54. I do...
55. How many people will you send this to?
56. Do any of them deserve your attention more than I do?
57. Why?
58. Do you expect to hear back from any of the people you sent this to... ever again...?
59. Where do you go on sunday nights?
60. Where do you go on saturday nights?
61. What subjects do you take at school and when are then on during the day?
62. What school do you go to?
63. Who do you sit next to?
64. Do you think they could outrun my car?
65. Do you think they could survive a car "accident"?
66. What do you dream about?
67. What was your first word?
68. Did you cry during the movie bambi?
69. Did you laugh at the number 69?
70. Who did you last talk to?
71. Do they know where you are right now?
72. Will you be missed?
73. What's your favourite film?
74. I'm always watching you
75. Do you like baby pandas?
OK if you don't send this on to anyone in the next 24 hours they will assume you missing and you shall not be harmed.
... also, if you send this to anyone they will most likely call the police on you! Anyone who ever reads this will think you're the biggest psychotic stalker of all time... and I somehow made this up while listening to Stone Sour so what does that say about me? (Reborn is such an awesome song) Anyhoo, hope you have learnt that chain letters really are completely pure evil and you shouldn't endorse them by sending them on to other poor victims... no one likes chain letters (or at least I don't and in true internetz person fashion I shall try to enforce my views onto everyone!)
Have fun...
... I am always watching you...
... OR....
... Send one around that doesn't hide the PURE EVIL and FIENDISHLY DESCIPABLE motive of the dreaded chain letter! Forward one that isn't the slightest bit subtle when it comes to finding out every little piece of information about you as it possibly can before you're hunted down by every sick weirdo on the internets... A.K.A. You're best friend... (who is also the spawn of satan... and his lover HAL 9000... yeah I just don't like 2001 OK?) why not send THIS to you're friends and family... or complete strangers (which is the ultimate plan for the chain letter organisation)
Creepy Stalker Chain Letter
Fill in your answers then send this onto everyone you know! And even people you don't know (especially people you don't know....)
1. What is your full (including middle) name?
2. Are you planning on lying during this string of perfectly innocent questions?
3. Why?
4. Do you think the exits to your house are suitable enough in case anything might go wrong?
5. Do you wear fire resistant pyjamas?
6. Who do you like?
7. Do you think he/she looks pale? Do you think they might accidentaly die of natural causes?
8. If the answer to the last question was "no" then why do you think your judgement is infallible?
9. Are you superman or any other superhero?
10. Do you have anyway of defending yourself from an attacker like mace or panic whistle?
11. Do you know any self defence techniques?
12. Do you love the person who sent this to you?
13. Why don't you love them?
14. Could you learn to love them?
15. What if your life depended on it?
16. Where do you live?
17. Do you keep a spare key in case you're locked out in the area around the door?
18. If so, where?
19. Why won't you give me a spare key?
20. Where in the house is your bedroom located?
21. How many people live with you?
22. Do you have a guard dog or any other form of security system?
23. Do you think bunnies or guinea pigs are cuter?
24. Calm blue skies or my dark dank basement where no one can hear you scream?
25. When is the latest time anyone in your house would go to sleep?
26. Are any of them light sleepers and easily woken by creeping footsteps?
27. Do you have any heart condition that will affect you if a taser is used to incapacitate you?
28. What are you wearing?
29. Why don't you wear something else?
30. Don't you like the clothes I bought for you?
31. Why don't you ever open your bedroom curtains?
32. OPEN YOUR BEDROOM CURTAINS! I wasn't asking....
33. What colour do you think is better? Blood red or the cold dark Black of nothingness?
34. Do you like flowers in the mail?
35. Do you like chocolate in the mail?
36. Do you like dead puppies in the mail?
37. Would you like me in the mail?
38. What's your MSN password?
39. What's your bank password?
40. Do you have a panic room?
41. How do I get into your panic room?
42. Do people behind bushes creep you out?
43. What's infront of you right now?
44. What's the most precious thing to you in your bedroom?
45. Would you do anything to get your mother/father back safely alive?
46. Do you like cats or dogs more?
47. What's your favourite flavour of icecream?
48. Do you think your room would look good coloured red?
49. I do...
50. Are your windows reinforced or easy to break?
51. Are you a good runner?
52. What's your social security number?
53. Don't you think "security" is ironically amusing?
54. I do...
55. How many people will you send this to?
56. Do any of them deserve your attention more than I do?
57. Why?
58. Do you expect to hear back from any of the people you sent this to... ever again...?
59. Where do you go on sunday nights?
60. Where do you go on saturday nights?
61. What subjects do you take at school and when are then on during the day?
62. What school do you go to?
63. Who do you sit next to?
64. Do you think they could outrun my car?
65. Do you think they could survive a car "accident"?
66. What do you dream about?
67. What was your first word?
68. Did you cry during the movie bambi?
69. Did you laugh at the number 69?
70. Who did you last talk to?
71. Do they know where you are right now?
72. Will you be missed?
73. What's your favourite film?
74. I'm always watching you
75. Do you like baby pandas?
OK if you don't send this on to anyone in the next 24 hours they will assume you missing and you shall not be harmed.
... also, if you send this to anyone they will most likely call the police on you! Anyone who ever reads this will think you're the biggest psychotic stalker of all time... and I somehow made this up while listening to Stone Sour so what does that say about me? (Reborn is such an awesome song) Anyhoo, hope you have learnt that chain letters really are completely pure evil and you shouldn't endorse them by sending them on to other poor victims... no one likes chain letters (or at least I don't and in true internetz person fashion I shall try to enforce my views onto everyone!)
Have fun...
... I am always watching you...
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