This is Halloween

OK! Halloween, time the butt ugly come out to play... as in all the annoying little neighbourhood kids. Anonymity rules! I can insult anyone! Although apparently my anonymity is being threatened by some anonymous person who is most likely reading this... OH! OH! Another idea! :D hahaha! OK, Becca (the evil terrorist who still forces me to blog even as we speak!.... which... is what I'm doing right now...) might have recommended her favourite blog to people (who wouldn't?) and so you, mysterious stranger, may be a friend of hers! Yes! If I have guessed correctly then I am brilliant and wonderful! If I have guessed incorrectly I would have only have increased my number of suspects to a bigger number... one that will take time to shrink. Well I have determined that you're not a friend of my girlfriend and you're located within Australia (unless your friend is in Australia but you yourself live in New Zealand! Which is unlikely because... she was looking over your shoulder during your last blog entry so therefore you must definitely be in Australia and I have also proved that people read your blog and pay attention to the things in it!) OK... well you're therefore the friend of potentially a bunch of people I know...

... and then all of a sudden there's a murder in the Library and Marple and Poirot bind together to make one big SUPER DETECTIVE! They must solve the mystery of who the hell are you Brooklyn!? and the dead body in the library... dang... man that's going to smell in a couple of days you might want to move it... hmmm ye gad...

BLOGGING IS FUN!

Anyhoo, halloween... yes it's so much fun! I love it I really do... even though I've never trick and/or treated in my life... well... unless you really count what I'm about to tell you what I do as tricking... yes! OK maybe it does :) Well my mother (being the stern woman she is) has decided that I need to be protected from the friendly neighbourhood PSYCHOPATHS! (We all know one... don't we just? mwahahagagagagjahagawa! Bizarre maniacal laughs are fun!) so I'm basically not allowed to take candy from strangers... yeah also need to be home before 8... Yeah but before then I can go out and do whatever I want, knock on doors ect... I just can't EAT STUFF! Which is fine because I don't actually like sugar that much (and I am a horribly twisted mutant who doesn't even like CHOCOLATE! AGH! RUN AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE!) so I have learnt to compensate for not getting sugar on this 31st of October by doing other things to amuse myself...

... evil... things....

... dark... twisted...

...things....

.... that don't involve eggs...

What they do involve is my friend (yes I have friends too Mrs B. You're not the only one with an odd friend who does things and tells you stuff and talks when talked to! ha!) We basically go round to local houses with whatever strange idea we have for that particular year and do it. Well by that I mean we get really enthusiastic, come up with a brilliantly funny idea and he chickens out constantly and I nag him "come on this house! It has lights on! oh that one is in the open! Come on just one house..." until we eventually knock on about two or three doors then go home... of course this takes about an hour or two of walking around aimlessly before we achieve what we came out here to do. "WHAT THE HELL IS IT YOU DO!? TELL US DARNIT! TEEEEELLLL UUUSSSS!!!" you might be screaming at your computer screen right now with anticipation (I like it when people yell things in anticipation... means they're anticipating something... :P yeah!) well it's simple: we do odd things... such as the following:

First year we came up with this annual tradition it was simple. Christmas Carolling for money. Yeah, that's right, we went round (completely costumeless) and decided to go christmas carolling around at places for money! One person just smiled, shoved candy into our hands and said "happy halloween" before trying to get rid of us before we could even tell her that WE DIDN'T WANT YOUR CANDY WOMAN! Yeah I know I shouldn't yell but LET US SING DARNIT! IT'S HALLOWEEN! So yeah, ended up singing very little songs that evening because neither of us could actually sing and no one actually wanted us too... except one house that was very amused by this idea and told us to wait when they went to get their wallets so they could pay us for half a rendition of "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" before we decided to walk briskly/run away... then I went home to watch Mythbusters (which was the style at the time)

Second year we did this... I think that was the year we handed out business cards........ for the mafia :) Need a hit-man? Call us! Don't need one? We whack you! We left them on people's cars, underneath their newly delivered yellow pages and even tryed handed them out to people walking past (who then met up with us again and asked for more... we denied the cards existence. We've never heard of this "mafia" you speak of and definitely do not promote killing people for money......... *shifty eyes*) The last thing we did was knock on the door of the person across the street from my friends house (he hid in the bushes of his house so he wasn't seen by his neighbours... why come along dude? You just try to avoid being seen or doing anything!) and handed the card to a slightly confused/entertained middle aged woman... who I then asked for money from and she laughed at me and said "no." So I said she shouldn't mess with me I'm part of the mafia... which mob of gangsters I was part of and who their leader (if any) was completely unclear to her... and me really... Strange how that mafia doesn't actually seem to exist...

OK I think we missed a year sometime but the next time we did someone we decided to print out satanic business cards (call 666-666-669...2) which had a pentagram in the middle and the Star of David around the edges (I apologise to the Jewish culture for that... but you know, I was going to see if anyone actually noticed the difference... no one did... in fact I don't remember even handing out any...)Well that year was pretty boring...

Last year! woo! yeah! My friends who were online that night when I got home should know this story very well (Hey ya coolest cheerleader around! :P Yeah you know who you are!... even if you probably will never read this... even though I'll tell you to on monday or something... everyone else who reads this who know who I'm talking about tell her that I mentioned her so she can go "oh cool! awesome ily!" or "garw6sh! Stalker lol nah just kidding") Well the story is as follows: why hand out business cards? They're boring... why not delve into IRONY! (Irony: as in that thing that I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!) Well (for those who don't know) Halloween works by simply having little kids in costumes knock on doors and the adults handing out unhealthy sugary stuff... now, if you were to reverse this slightly you'd get what my friend and I did: Well we were BIG kids WITHOUT costumes knock on people's doors and try to hand the adults nice, healthy apples! :D Yeah, we grabbed a bunch of apples, put them in a bag (and my pocket) and went round offering people apples! Well interestingly enough my mother isn't the only one cautious of people handing stuff out during Halloween because everyone looked at me weird and questioned me if the apple was poison (stop watching Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs dude... I'm not some evil witch I don't even have a costume) and to which my reply was "well technically Apples DO contain very small trace amounts of cyanide..." they didn't seem reassured by my nerdyness "because you know... cyder, cyanide? Both come from apples..." (as obvious by the root of both words) and the last guy (who had one of those delightful Irish accents... but one of those not so delightly Irish attitudes... the one that's like "let's drink beer, get blind-drunk and fight some English guys!". There's more than one attitude towards things associated with the Irish and his seemed to be the bad one but yeah...) asked us who we were and what we were doing and I go "I'm John Howard and he's Kevin Rudd" "No you're not" "Yeah, why do you think we're annoying the voters on Halloween?" He decided he wasn't getting a proper response from that (I think we annoyed him) he then asked us why we're doing it (because we're weird?) and we said "Well we just thought that we would try to make Halloween healthier" and so he holds the apple and looks at me and goes "There's nothing wrong with this?" "No." "So if I give this to my kids..." "No don't do that" "Why not?" "Well uh... you've just scared me really..." (The apple had been in my hand for a while... it was slightly sweaty! I don't want to give the scary big irish man's kids a sweaty apple!) and he had previously (or afterwards, not sure but he did this not long before we left) said that "if anything is wrong with this apple I will hunt you down and kick you to death" to which I replied "Can't you just punch us instead? It's just so much more fun..." "No. I will kick you to death." The scary thing was he REALLY WASN'T KIDDING! This guy only lived in the street next to mine he wouldn't have to go far to hunt me down and beat me to a bloody pulp... and he looked like he could do it too! Well the other person we tried to give the apple was a bit less interested in the apple and a bit less agressive about the whole thing. We knocked on his door and he opens it (only guys seem to open doors when you're holding apples... unless you're one of THOSE houses that don't open the door regardless of who it is just because it's Halloween!) and we go "do you want an apple?" "...what?" "We're giving out apples" (then comes explaning) "Well you see kids these days are just so fat. We thought if we gave you an apple you could hand it out to children so they'd have something healthy to eat instead of sugar..." (he stares at me) "...you look like a fat kid sir! Sure you don't want the apple?" My overly amused giggle at my insult to him (he was thin and middle aged) most likely eliminated any temptation in his head to take the apple from these strange deranged kids on his front doorstep so they'd go away. Yeah, first rule of salemenship: DON'T CALL THE PERSON YOU'RE CONNING THAT THEY'RE FAT AND CHILDISH! Tis not good... not it tis not... oh well, he tried to get rid of us instead of listening to us being weird after that...

And so yeah, this year I didn't think of anything and didn't get in contact with my friend in time to organise anything so tonight I sit here on this computer (avoiding doing work I'm going to be assessed on in less than a week... I have to PERFORM an original play by myself so basically need to first write it, then learn my lines, then actually figure out how to move ect by Wednesday... yay!) and I have now blogged an nice long blog to amuse my stalkers, terrorists and whatever people I manage to convince to come read this... I hope you're all happy now :)

Oh yeah plus I've discovered that it doesn't matter how long my blog entries are, they'll always show 7 of them to a page (click "older posts" and another 7 will come up) so I can write as much as I want or as little and if it makes 7 blog entries then to see any previous ones you need to click more buttons... that's why I didn't want to write a smaller blog before now because I like my Stalker Chain Letter post... it's cool (http://thewindowofbilby.blogspot.com/2008/10/stalker-chain-letter.html) and creepy... that reminds me, my list of suspects just grew! OK... if Mrs B. turns out to be a friend of The Nameless One (trying to avoid releasing personal information here... like names...) then that's just... interesting... well I'm not entirely sure but I guess I'd be very flattered she thinks my blog is interesting enough to tell other people about :) Just so Mrs B. knows who The Nameless One is (Because only I call The Nameless One The Nameless One) her name starts with E...

So I hope Becca L. Blogmore the terrorist enjoys my blog entry and stops yelling at me over MSN to blog more :P (which she will now she just because I said I hope she won't)

P.S. Cheerleaders never die...