Remember that blog post where I mentioned that I had FINALLY gotten a job? Well I apologise for not blogging about it sooner guys.
Let me tell you what that job was: It was Telemarketing. Yep. I had to get up at 4:50am just so I could get ready in time to catch the numerous long public transport bus/train rides into the West of the city so I could start at 7am (because we were calling people in Melbourne who are ahead of us in timezones) and call up random strangers just to have them ignore me and tell me to go away. I got paid $18 (minimum) to do this.
I got fired after 2 days.
Woops! Ok, let me explain. You see, the thing with Telemarketing is no one wants to honestly sit there and listen to you. EVER. But to keep the job you need to sell at least 0.7 sales per hour on average (they pay you extra if you manage more). The problem with this scenario (as confirmed by the fellow experienced telemarketers there) is that it was a) close to Christmas so the smart people had decided to buy things already and everyone's spending everything on other things that they know they want or know that other people want. b) the area I had started in was apparently hard to sell in and the experienced telemarketers were complaining in their lunch break how badly they were doing c) like I explained, people don't like telemarketers and so people would hang up on me even before I had even mentioned what I was selling d) NO ONE IS HOME ON A WEEKDAY AT 11 IN THE MORNING THEY ARE ALL AT WORK.
So to describe my job as accurately as I could would be "Sitting down in a room listening to the sound of a phone ring only to get endless answering machines, and on the rare occasion that someone answers they hang up a few seconds later. Repeat this process."
By rare I mean rare. We got a sheet of 56 numbers to go through and I got bored there being barely any real people answering the phones so I marked on it whenever someone actually picked up the phone. The best average I got was 11/56, though it even got down to 2/33. I got so happy whenever someone answered. I responded in this kind of shocked joy when they did, it was like "OH HELLO!" Occasionally one of these people would be an actual business themselves, and you don't market to businesses you market to individuals so that's out of the question. Most of the people just hang up after the first 2 sentences, a few would let me get to the next paragraph before telling me they weren't interested. Rarely you'd get that gem of a customer who would sit and listen to everything I had to say. The feeling of joy when you actually finish reading your script without being hung up on (some people don't even say bye, they just hang up and leave me talking...) is so awesome, so great, making it so much more annoying when they go "sorry, I just let you talk to be polite. I'm not really interested at all. Bye." To which I reply "Have a nice day." when I really want to reply "DAMNIT TO HELL! I GET FIRED IF I DON'T SELL THINGS AND THE MORE PEOPLE I CALL THE MORE LIKELY IT IS I'LL MANAGE TO SELL SOMETHING! YOU JUST WASTED SO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS TIME! THIS IS A NUMBERS GAME NOT A JOB WHERE IF I FAIL THAT'S OK."
Well, not at the start I didn't... but by the end (two days) I was getting slightly annoyed. So yeah, you know if you get called by a telemarketer, ask them to very briefly tell you what they're selling so you know whether or not you want to listen to them or hang up. Don't waste their time, they get fired if you do...
So yeah. I sold one thing. One thing in 10 hours. That's an average of 0.1 I got a few people interested who said they'd call back after they've thought about it, but I'll never know if I got the sell because they were arranged to call back/be called back about it the day after I got fired.
I got a call and they said "we've been monitoring your progress and you're just not selling things, sorry." and I was like "so I don't have to get up really early in the morning? Awesome, have a nice day." Then walked up to people smiling going "I just got fired!"
But don't worry guys, because I got a new job!
I deliver catalogues! Yep. Instead of having to exhaust myself trying to get up at an ungodly hour to be rejected by strangers simply on the basis of my job title and not what I was saying to them, I now have to exhaust myself folding, packing and walking around for hours on end in the hot Australian summer weather to deliver catalogues to strangers and get paid way less for it! I get paid commission per magazine and it's a very small commission. Today I swear I walked for 2-3 hours sweating in the sun while pulling along tons of catalogues and I'm half done... I feel sunburnt (I probably am, I put on sunscreen but I think I was out for so long it wore off and I'm sensitive to UV light with my redheadedness), my legs don't want to move any more.
I am going to get paid $26 for this.
AREN'T YOU GLAD YOUR JOB IS WORTHWHILE?
Or at the very least better paying.
I need a new job. My jobs are just getting worse and worse and now they don't even pay worthwhile...
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Trees have been Spared!
Remember that last blog post where I said I wasn't going to stop printing out endless applications and resumes (thus slowly killing trees) until I got a call back?
Well, thanks to a very special someone (you may remember them from a previous blog post where I called their current staff incompetent?) the trees have been saved because I have a job interview! (NOTE: I only meant ONE of their stores have incompetent staff... I have a job interview at the OTHER store nearby... though yes, I did apply to the one closer that has random poorly alphabetised DVD's everywhere. So it's a GOOD thing that they'd hire me! They're obviously out to find good employees of fine quality that are intelligent, funny, social team workers who have a passion for film, such as myself!)
I am so happy! Has the curse been lifted? Will I somehow ace this interview and get my dream job? (As in my dream retail job... My dream job is film maker. But you know, you got to start somewhere. Quentin Tarantino did) This is brilliant! I hope they don't ever read my blog!
I was sitting in my creative writing class when I got the call. I looked at my phone and didn't recognise the number, it wasn't on my contacts list. Suddenly I realised that unknown contact = EMPLOYER!!!
"I must take this" I said as I rushed out of class, answering the phone before I had even reached the door (much to the amusement of my classmates, who jokingly yelled out "YES MR PRESIDENT?!" as I left the room).
"Hello, it's (name) from Video Ezy, how are you?"
"YES! I mean, I'm good. How are you?"
Yeah, I literally did this while on the phone just after I had exited the classroom:
Image source:
Though admittedly not quite as enthusiastic as Lleyton Hewitt, but still. I was damn excited and I have every reason to be so! I got a job interview! Finally! After three YEARS of trying harder and harder it pays off! I handed in an application and the NEXT DAY I get a call! Thank you God, you rock dude.
So come this Wednesday I am going to rock out. Bring it on interviewer, let me wow you. Could anyone go any further for a Video Rental Store job than a Film Student? Hello, I am a FILM STUDENT! that is desperate for a job and committed enough to do it properly! There is none more suited for this job than I! I do really believe being a film student actually helped secure me this interview, and as such I utter the following sentence:
To those who think doing a Humanities subject at University will never get a person a job: Suck it.
Yeah!
Well, thanks to a very special someone (you may remember them from a previous blog post where I called their current staff incompetent?) the trees have been saved because I have a job interview! (NOTE: I only meant ONE of their stores have incompetent staff... I have a job interview at the OTHER store nearby... though yes, I did apply to the one closer that has random poorly alphabetised DVD's everywhere. So it's a GOOD thing that they'd hire me! They're obviously out to find good employees of fine quality that are intelligent, funny, social team workers who have a passion for film, such as myself!)
I am so happy! Has the curse been lifted? Will I somehow ace this interview and get my dream job? (As in my dream retail job... My dream job is film maker. But you know, you got to start somewhere. Quentin Tarantino did) This is brilliant! I hope they don't ever read my blog!
I was sitting in my creative writing class when I got the call. I looked at my phone and didn't recognise the number, it wasn't on my contacts list. Suddenly I realised that unknown contact = EMPLOYER!!!
"I must take this" I said as I rushed out of class, answering the phone before I had even reached the door (much to the amusement of my classmates, who jokingly yelled out "YES MR PRESIDENT?!" as I left the room).
"Hello, it's (name) from Video Ezy, how are you?"
"YES! I mean, I'm good. How are you?"
Yeah, I literally did this while on the phone just after I had exited the classroom:
Image source:
Though admittedly not quite as enthusiastic as Lleyton Hewitt, but still. I was damn excited and I have every reason to be so! I got a job interview! Finally! After three YEARS of trying harder and harder it pays off! I handed in an application and the NEXT DAY I get a call! Thank you God, you rock dude.
So come this Wednesday I am going to rock out. Bring it on interviewer, let me wow you. Could anyone go any further for a Video Rental Store job than a Film Student? Hello, I am a FILM STUDENT! that is desperate for a job and committed enough to do it properly! There is none more suited for this job than I! I do really believe being a film student actually helped secure me this interview, and as such I utter the following sentence:
To those who think doing a Humanities subject at University will never get a person a job: Suck it.
Yeah!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Death to Trees!
Recently I decided that enough is enough. Sure, I am permanently unemployable according to past experience but if I've learnt anything from the past 3 years of constant trying it's this...
Try harder.
Resumes are propaganda and you just need to put enough of it out there before someone actually believes you are worth the job. I firmly believe that stubbornness is the best way to get things done, because persistence and resilience is really just a kind of stubbornness. Don't think I'm worth giving a job to? Well I'll try somewhere else. I'll try again in 3 months. I won't stop bugging you.
Image from: Here
So recently I have decided to apply to at least one place every single day until I get a job. It's not a "oh I've done one job application I can tick that off my list of things to do today" nonsense. No. It's a print out a dozen resumes and see how fast I can get rid of them kind of thing.
I will not stop killing off the trees until I get an interview! Want the rainforests to be preserved? Then lower the damn unemployment rate by employing me! May the end of preservation hang heavy on the guilty conscience of the local retail business not mine. I blame them entirely for my print, hand out, repeat attitude.
I walk into stores, find the manager and go "Merry Christmas!" as I hand them a resume. Sometimes I even say "Give me the gift of a job this Christmas" just to make them feel guilty for not considering it. If you need a Christmas Casual you cannot overlook me! The delightful spry adult who needs someone to interview him to know just how brilliant he can be at whatever job that you need!
I don't care if most of you employers will take one look at my long curly hair and beard and think I'm a lazy slob, I don't care if they skim read it, see no outstanding record of retail experience at age 18, I will not stop trying. Someone out there is going to stop and think "He's 18 with no proper experience... because before no one would hire him because he was 17 with no proper experience..." thus realising that it is not a deficiency on my side, but actually an unfortunate cycle of "you don't have experience thus I won't employ you" preventing me from getting experience to ACTUALLY GET EMPLOYED!
So death to the trees. I wish it hadn't come to this... but the environment must die if I am to ever hope of rising above the curse of unemployment. Sorry Environment...
Failure has only brought me to become more determined. Bring it world.
Bring it.
Try harder.
Resumes are propaganda and you just need to put enough of it out there before someone actually believes you are worth the job. I firmly believe that stubbornness is the best way to get things done, because persistence and resilience is really just a kind of stubbornness. Don't think I'm worth giving a job to? Well I'll try somewhere else. I'll try again in 3 months. I won't stop bugging you.
Image from: Here
So recently I have decided to apply to at least one place every single day until I get a job. It's not a "oh I've done one job application I can tick that off my list of things to do today" nonsense. No. It's a print out a dozen resumes and see how fast I can get rid of them kind of thing.
I will not stop killing off the trees until I get an interview! Want the rainforests to be preserved? Then lower the damn unemployment rate by employing me! May the end of preservation hang heavy on the guilty conscience of the local retail business not mine. I blame them entirely for my print, hand out, repeat attitude.
I walk into stores, find the manager and go "Merry Christmas!" as I hand them a resume. Sometimes I even say "Give me the gift of a job this Christmas" just to make them feel guilty for not considering it. If you need a Christmas Casual you cannot overlook me! The delightful spry adult who needs someone to interview him to know just how brilliant he can be at whatever job that you need!
I don't care if most of you employers will take one look at my long curly hair and beard and think I'm a lazy slob, I don't care if they skim read it, see no outstanding record of retail experience at age 18, I will not stop trying. Someone out there is going to stop and think "He's 18 with no proper experience... because before no one would hire him because he was 17 with no proper experience..." thus realising that it is not a deficiency on my side, but actually an unfortunate cycle of "you don't have experience thus I won't employ you" preventing me from getting experience to ACTUALLY GET EMPLOYED!
So death to the trees. I wish it hadn't come to this... but the environment must die if I am to ever hope of rising above the curse of unemployment. Sorry Environment...
Failure has only brought me to become more determined. Bring it world.
Bring it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Dear Video Ezy
Dear Video Ezy
Your store has reached a new found level of unfavourability as you have shown that you have many short comings in the world of business and entertainment. Your selection of DVD's doesn't seem to grow despite the ever increasing amount of movies released each year, suggesting that you throw away most of them, the less popular or obscure ones. Basically the ones I want to watch. Though I still manage to find things within the store, my family and I have never managed to actually get out a random selection of 6 DVD's without at least one or two of them being scratched and partially if not fully not working to which you simply clean the DVD's (then probably throw them out without replacing) which NEVER EVER WORKS. We having cleaning things at home, you are treating us as simpletons.
I am constantly finding things out of alphabetical order or in the wrong category and you keep shuffling what genres to put near the Adults only section. It should have stayed with Horror because little kids don't watch MA15+/R18 slasher gore films, but they do watch classic (well, I do), sci-fi, drama and action.
Your incompetence has forced us to stop a family tradition that has gone back as far as I can remember: to borrow films from you every holidays to enjoy. I hope you're happy that you have left my holidays bland, boring and more internet reliant than ever thanks to your young and seemingly antisocial staff.
Enclosed in this envelope you will find a resume and job application. I look forward to hearing from you, as I desperately need money.
Thank you :)
Your store has reached a new found level of unfavourability as you have shown that you have many short comings in the world of business and entertainment. Your selection of DVD's doesn't seem to grow despite the ever increasing amount of movies released each year, suggesting that you throw away most of them, the less popular or obscure ones. Basically the ones I want to watch. Though I still manage to find things within the store, my family and I have never managed to actually get out a random selection of 6 DVD's without at least one or two of them being scratched and partially if not fully not working to which you simply clean the DVD's (then probably throw them out without replacing) which NEVER EVER WORKS. We having cleaning things at home, you are treating us as simpletons.
I am constantly finding things out of alphabetical order or in the wrong category and you keep shuffling what genres to put near the Adults only section. It should have stayed with Horror because little kids don't watch MA15+/R18 slasher gore films, but they do watch classic (well, I do), sci-fi, drama and action.
Your incompetence has forced us to stop a family tradition that has gone back as far as I can remember: to borrow films from you every holidays to enjoy. I hope you're happy that you have left my holidays bland, boring and more internet reliant than ever thanks to your young and seemingly antisocial staff.
Enclosed in this envelope you will find a resume and job application. I look forward to hearing from you, as I desperately need money.
Thank you :)
Friday, May 1, 2009
Job Application
The following is a text copy of the Video Ezy Employment Application Form. I have written in some answers in the hope of getting a job and want you to review my responses and give me feedback about my viability as an employee of Video Ezy. Dawg.
(There's an intro. Screw it. Also, personal information has been slightly edited/excluded for the sake of publishing on the internet.)
NAME: Once you hire me I'll trust you with this information.
D.O.B: March 21st 1299.
Gender: Other.
Address: (Edited out to stop the internet stalkers from finding me)
Suburb: (See Address)
State: Emotional.
P/Code: 696969 (No really I was FORCED to use this when signing up to an online game. It insisted that post codes weren't 4 digits long but 6... um... ok?)
Email: Crazybilby@gmail.com
Home No.: 9401 25** (there's just 100 possible combinations there internet stalkers! Have fun!)
Mobile No.: N/A
1. Availability:
Monday: 1pm to 8pm
Teusday: 1pm to 8pm
Wednesday: 1pm to 8pm
Thursday: 1pm to 8pm
Friday: 1pm to 8pm
Saturday: 10amm to 8pm
Sunday: 10am to 8pm
Comments: Going to work during the first 3 hours of my listed time as "available" on weekdays will cause me to miss out on school. I don't care though which is why I want you to give me shifts during those times.
2. Why should you be part of the Video Ezy Team?
Well technically I don't really stand out from anyone else except for in a crowd because of my hair... So I suppose I should be part of the team for the novelty experience of having a ranga in the workplace. It's entertaining for the rest of the staff and might attrack new customers wanting to see something freaky and unusual and just settle for me instead of a movie. I am also far superior to all kinds of invertebrates.
3. What sales, retail or other experience do you have that will benefit Video Ezy?
Well... none really. I once was employed for about 5 hours to count paper at Lincraft!... Individual sheets of paper. Do you think this will come in handy? I'm experienced in other things that people will enjoy but I don't think it's appropriate for a video store...
4. What is the highest level of schooling you have completed? When and where was it completed?
Well I completed Year 11 last year (2008) at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I don't know how I managed that though.
5. Are you currently studying? If yes, please provide details.
I'm studying the art of playing the piano. Is that what the question asked? I'm currently doing year 12 TEE at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I'm not doing too well but please don't tell my mother this.
6. What other completed Qualifications or Certificates do you have?
I have a swimming certificate to prove I can successfully swim 200m freestyle, 100m breaststroke and 100m backstroke! Haven't got one to say I can do CPR though so I hope no one drowns while browsing the Comedy section because that just wouldn't be funny....
7. What experience do you have with computers?
Well I downloaded this application form for one. I also use a computer for emailing. Well I'm good at using editing programs and can type pretty fast. I'm also fluent in Java script as well as Klingon.
8. What hobbies and interests do you have?
Filmmaking, film watching, writing, reading, sex.
9. What are your favourite movies and games?
Movies: The Prestige, Casablanca, Metropolis, The Pursuit of Happyness, 300, Alien, Predator, Shaun of the Dead.
Games: Croc: Legend of the Gobbos, Warcraft 3, Starcraft, Halo, Bubble Bobble, Pokemon games.
10. What are your goals for the future?
Working for Video Ezy! Yay! I also wish to obtain a drivers license, go to university, and get a job as a film director/writer.
11. What transport do you have to get you to work, particulary on nights and weekends?
My legs. Other people's legs too if they're willing to carry me. I also can use a car, bus or bicycle.
---
The rest is asking for references. Well do you think I'll get the job? I hope I do... it'd be fun to work there :) I really don't like being unemployed. My money reverses are quite low and I still haven't figured out how I'm going to access that $38 in my bank account.
(There's an intro. Screw it. Also, personal information has been slightly edited/excluded for the sake of publishing on the internet.)
NAME: Once you hire me I'll trust you with this information.
D.O.B: March 21st 1299.
Gender: Other.
Address: (Edited out to stop the internet stalkers from finding me)
Suburb: (See Address)
State: Emotional.
P/Code: 696969 (No really I was FORCED to use this when signing up to an online game. It insisted that post codes weren't 4 digits long but 6... um... ok?)
Email: Crazybilby@gmail.com
Home No.: 9401 25** (there's just 100 possible combinations there internet stalkers! Have fun!)
Mobile No.: N/A
1. Availability:
Monday: 1pm to 8pm
Teusday: 1pm to 8pm
Wednesday: 1pm to 8pm
Thursday: 1pm to 8pm
Friday: 1pm to 8pm
Saturday: 10amm to 8pm
Sunday: 10am to 8pm
Comments: Going to work during the first 3 hours of my listed time as "available" on weekdays will cause me to miss out on school. I don't care though which is why I want you to give me shifts during those times.
2. Why should you be part of the Video Ezy Team?
Well technically I don't really stand out from anyone else except for in a crowd because of my hair... So I suppose I should be part of the team for the novelty experience of having a ranga in the workplace. It's entertaining for the rest of the staff and might attrack new customers wanting to see something freaky and unusual and just settle for me instead of a movie. I am also far superior to all kinds of invertebrates.
3. What sales, retail or other experience do you have that will benefit Video Ezy?
Well... none really. I once was employed for about 5 hours to count paper at Lincraft!... Individual sheets of paper. Do you think this will come in handy? I'm experienced in other things that people will enjoy but I don't think it's appropriate for a video store...
4. What is the highest level of schooling you have completed? When and where was it completed?
Well I completed Year 11 last year (2008) at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I don't know how I managed that though.
5. Are you currently studying? If yes, please provide details.
I'm studying the art of playing the piano. Is that what the question asked? I'm currently doing year 12 TEE at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I'm not doing too well but please don't tell my mother this.
6. What other completed Qualifications or Certificates do you have?
I have a swimming certificate to prove I can successfully swim 200m freestyle, 100m breaststroke and 100m backstroke! Haven't got one to say I can do CPR though so I hope no one drowns while browsing the Comedy section because that just wouldn't be funny....
7. What experience do you have with computers?
Well I downloaded this application form for one. I also use a computer for emailing. Well I'm good at using editing programs and can type pretty fast. I'm also fluent in Java script as well as Klingon.
8. What hobbies and interests do you have?
Filmmaking, film watching, writing, reading, sex.
9. What are your favourite movies and games?
Movies: The Prestige, Casablanca, Metropolis, The Pursuit of Happyness, 300, Alien, Predator, Shaun of the Dead.
Games: Croc: Legend of the Gobbos, Warcraft 3, Starcraft, Halo, Bubble Bobble, Pokemon games.
10. What are your goals for the future?
Working for Video Ezy! Yay! I also wish to obtain a drivers license, go to university, and get a job as a film director/writer.
11. What transport do you have to get you to work, particulary on nights and weekends?
My legs. Other people's legs too if they're willing to carry me. I also can use a car, bus or bicycle.
---
The rest is asking for references. Well do you think I'll get the job? I hope I do... it'd be fun to work there :) I really don't like being unemployed. My money reverses are quite low and I still haven't figured out how I'm going to access that $38 in my bank account.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Resume
PERSONAL STATEMENT:
I am a hard working individual who enjoys working with people. I have a habit of crying to people on MSN when I’m really smiling. I also like cheese and mushrooms and will work for those instead of money. I want to work for your company because I wish to become one of the proletariat in my fight against the communist reign by joining your capitalist regime.
EDUCATION:
- 2008: Duncraig Senior High School
Year 11
SUBJECTS: T-Shirt Design
Modeling
Chemistry
Media
Physics
Explosions
EMPLOYMENT:
None so far
WORK EXPERIENCE:
- July 2007: Media Frenzy course
Murdoch University
Organisers: Honour students at Murdoch
POSITION: Media Frenzy participant
VOLUNTEER:
I volunteered at the local insane asylum for a few years. I went around with the patients interacting with them although I was free to leave at any point in time I swear.
ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE:
- 2008: Top Media student for year 11 (2008)
INTERESTS:
- Media; film and television
- Reading and writing
- Music
- Photography
PERSONAL QUALITIES:
- Friendly
- Reliable
- Cooperative
- Absolutely Insane
REFERENCES:
None. They all died…
Do you think I'll get a job? :) I'm hopeful...
I am a hard working individual who enjoys working with people. I have a habit of crying to people on MSN when I’m really smiling. I also like cheese and mushrooms and will work for those instead of money. I want to work for your company because I wish to become one of the proletariat in my fight against the communist reign by joining your capitalist regime.
EDUCATION:
- 2008: Duncraig Senior High School
Year 11
SUBJECTS: T-Shirt Design
Modeling
Chemistry
Media
Physics
Explosions
EMPLOYMENT:
None so far
WORK EXPERIENCE:
- July 2007: Media Frenzy course
Murdoch University
Organisers: Honour students at Murdoch
POSITION: Media Frenzy participant
VOLUNTEER:
I volunteered at the local insane asylum for a few years. I went around with the patients interacting with them although I was free to leave at any point in time I swear.
ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE:
- 2008: Top Media student for year 11 (2008)
INTERESTS:
- Media; film and television
- Reading and writing
- Music
- Photography
PERSONAL QUALITIES:
- Friendly
- Reliable
- Cooperative
- Absolutely Insane
REFERENCES:
None. They all died…
Do you think I'll get a job? :) I'm hopeful...
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