My job sucks. Always.

Remember that blog post where I mentioned that I had FINALLY gotten a job? Well I apologise for not blogging about it sooner guys.

Let me tell you what that job was: It was Telemarketing. Yep. I had to get up at 4:50am just so I could get ready in time to catch the numerous long public transport bus/train rides into the West of the city so I could start at 7am (because we were calling people in Melbourne who are ahead of us in timezones) and call up random strangers just to have them ignore me and tell me to go away. I got paid $18 (minimum) to do this.

I got fired after 2 days.

Woops! Ok, let me explain. You see, the thing with Telemarketing is no one wants to honestly sit there and listen to you. EVER. But to keep the job you need to sell at least 0.7 sales per hour on average (they pay you extra if you manage more). The problem with this scenario (as confirmed by the fellow experienced telemarketers there) is that it was a) close to Christmas so the smart people had decided to buy things already and everyone's spending everything on other things that they know they want or know that other people want. b) the area I had started in was apparently hard to sell in and the experienced telemarketers were complaining in their lunch break how badly they were doing c) like I explained, people don't like telemarketers and so people would hang up on me even before I had even mentioned what I was selling d) NO ONE IS HOME ON A WEEKDAY AT 11 IN THE MORNING THEY ARE ALL AT WORK.


So to describe my job as accurately as I could would be "Sitting down in a room listening to the sound of a phone ring only to get endless answering machines, and on the rare occasion that someone answers they hang up a few seconds later. Repeat this process."

By rare I mean rare. We got a sheet of 56 numbers to go through and I got bored there being barely any real people answering the phones so I marked on it whenever someone actually picked up the phone. The best average I got was 11/56, though it even got down to 2/33. I got so happy whenever someone answered. I responded in this kind of shocked joy when they did, it was like "OH HELLO!" Occasionally one of these people would be an actual business themselves, and you don't market to businesses you market to individuals so that's out of the question. Most of the people just hang up after the first 2 sentences, a few would let me get to the next paragraph before telling me they weren't interested. Rarely you'd get that gem of a customer who would sit and listen to everything I had to say. The feeling of joy when you actually finish reading your script without being hung up on (some people don't even say bye, they just hang up and leave me talking...) is so awesome, so great, making it so much more annoying when they go "sorry, I just let you talk to be polite. I'm not really interested at all. Bye." To which I reply "Have a nice day." when I really want to reply "DAMNIT TO HELL! I GET FIRED IF I DON'T SELL THINGS AND THE MORE PEOPLE I CALL THE MORE LIKELY IT IS I'LL MANAGE TO SELL SOMETHING! YOU JUST WASTED SO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS TIME! THIS IS A NUMBERS GAME NOT A JOB WHERE IF I FAIL THAT'S OK."

Well, not at the start I didn't... but by the end (two days) I was getting slightly annoyed. So yeah, you know if you get called by a telemarketer, ask them to very briefly tell you what they're selling so you know whether or not you want to listen to them or hang up. Don't waste their time, they get fired if you do...

So yeah. I sold one thing. One thing in 10 hours. That's an average of 0.1 I got a few people interested who said they'd call back after they've thought about it, but I'll never know if I got the sell because they were arranged to call back/be called back about it the day after I got fired.

I got a call and they said "we've been monitoring your progress and you're just not selling things, sorry." and I was like "so I don't have to get up really early in the morning? Awesome, have a nice day." Then walked up to people smiling going "I just got fired!"

But don't worry guys, because I got a new job!

I deliver catalogues! Yep. Instead of having to exhaust myself trying to get up at an ungodly hour to be rejected by strangers simply on the basis of my job title and not what I was saying to them, I now have to exhaust myself folding, packing and walking around for hours on end in the hot Australian summer weather to deliver catalogues to strangers and get paid way less for it! I get paid commission per magazine and it's a very small commission. Today I swear I walked for 2-3 hours sweating in the sun while pulling along tons of catalogues and I'm half done... I feel sunburnt (I probably am, I put on sunscreen but I think I was out for so long it wore off and I'm sensitive to UV light with my redheadedness), my legs don't want to move any more.

I am going to get paid $26 for this.

AREN'T YOU GLAD YOUR JOB IS WORTHWHILE?

Or at the very least better paying.

I need a new job. My jobs are just getting worse and worse and now they don't even pay worthwhile...

Employment

Well, in the post before last I mentioned that I had gotten a job at the place that my sister was having her 21st. This was true. OK! Origin story time! (Super awesome special explaining blog GO!) Let me tell you about my FIRST DAY AT WORK!

Well the story starts with my mother making plans for my sisters 21st. She then discovers that the owner of the establishment (Tony) is looking for workers. So my brother and I decide to go trailing off over the dunes and past the park to said establishment to barge into the door and say "Hey.... uhhh..... do you want workers?" to which he replied "Yes." There was some more talking about how beneficial being employed is on his end. He basically just seemed to be trying to sell the job to us instead of us trying to convince him we would be the best candidates. Well, my brother started in a week, I had to come back after my exams before he'd give me a day of the week to work. After 5 hours at the resturaunt my brother quits... well he's just whingy and doesn't like doing anything even at home, not really any reflection on the establishment surely...

Anyhoo he had three things for me to do: Shave, tie back my hair, and show up being enthusiastic and energetic.

Well after walking around Curtin University all day with nothing to eat since that apple in the morning that I had to eat on the way to school in the hopes of arriving an hour earlier than normal to catch the school bus to said Uni... and having to sit through 5 lectures (which are surprisingly tiring...) I wasn't the most energetic of people.

Well it was a Thursday afternoon when I started working... I realised that I suck at trying to tie aprons up behind my back and began to learn what to do and how from the two foreign owners. One is from some country beginning with S... the other from Malaysia or Thailand. Neither of them speak English as a first language and it shows... which makes me wonder if they talk to each other in English or do they both know three languages? I may never know.... and have stopped caring.

I spent the next 4 hours washing dishes, preparing little salad things and feeling that if I had any questions I should definitely ask the foreign asian lady (Tony's wife) instead of Tony because she wasn't angry and intimidating... she was impossible to understand besides a few words and a hand signal but she was friendly. Friendly people are my friends. Halfway through I realise why my brother quit. It just wasn't fun and it wasn't the job for me or him.

Well it was a great thing that Tony agreed with those thoughts!

Oh yeah... did I mention? I got freaking fired after 4 hours! You think that's sad, I was originally meant to be there for 5 hours instead. Yeah... there weren't many people so he decided my help wasn't needed nor helpful at all and decided that I could go home early... and not come back... ever... unless I wanted to pay him. (Tough chance! I got your money and I'm not giving it back! Instead, I went out and bought a 14 year old video game called Starcraft!! And it's so awesome I never want to leave the computer... but I must.) Yeah, I got fired... bringing the total amount of time I have been employed in my (710 year) life to a whole 9 hours! The sad thing is he gave me money in notes and said that he had paid me $2 extra... yeah... 4 hours of work and then $2 pity money...

This is (roughly) what he said: You are intelligent, but you are no good. I am a 60 year old man and I can work faster than you, you know? It is no point in me employing you if I can do the same job a lot faster. Watching you is like watching a snail, you make me tired when I watch you. Look at Stacey (random I was working "with") she moves around very fast which is good. You lack initiative. My skills and your skills combined are no good, they do not work out. You should apply for Hungry Jacks or McDonalds instead....

....well guess what? I have applied for BOTH those places and even THEY didn't want me working there! Can I get any more epic failure!? I applied to Hungry Jacks once when my friend TTTSNB told me that they were desperate for workers and would pretty much hire anyone! And I lit up and thought "Oh! That's me!" and rushed off to go fill in an application and think to myself "I can get a job no problem!"... a week later he informs me that they found just those anyone's they were looking for... three asian girls who didn't speak English very well....

I was beaten by people who don't speak English! How does that work!? They kept getting orders wrong! But... but... I have certificates and medals in being smart!

Well it wasn't as bad as the McDonald's interview that went something along the lines of "uuhhh.... ummm.... I... don't know...." (that was me saying that, not the interviewer. It's not like I asked them the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow)

So yeah... I'm currently still unemployed... and still have that $38 in my bank account I've never bothered to try and access... yay...