Friday, May 1, 2009

Job Application

The following is a text copy of the Video Ezy Employment Application Form. I have written in some answers in the hope of getting a job and want you to review my responses and give me feedback about my viability as an employee of Video Ezy. Dawg.

(There's an intro. Screw it. Also, personal information has been slightly edited/excluded for the sake of publishing on the internet.)

NAME: Once you hire me I'll trust you with this information.
D.O.B: March 21st 1299.
Gender: Other.
Address: (Edited out to stop the internet stalkers from finding me)
Suburb: (See Address)
State: Emotional.
P/Code: 696969 (No really I was FORCED to use this when signing up to an online game. It insisted that post codes weren't 4 digits long but 6... um... ok?)
Home No.: 9401 25** (there's just 100 possible combinations there internet stalkers! Have fun!)
Mobile No.: N/A

1. Availability:
Monday: 1pm to 8pm
Teusday: 1pm to 8pm
Wednesday: 1pm to 8pm
Thursday: 1pm to 8pm
Friday: 1pm to 8pm
Saturday: 10amm to 8pm
Sunday: 10am to 8pm
Comments: Going to work during the first 3 hours of my listed time as "available" on weekdays will cause me to miss out on school. I don't care though which is why I want you to give me shifts during those times.

2. Why should you be part of the Video Ezy Team?
Well technically I don't really stand out from anyone else except for in a crowd because of my hair... So I suppose I should be part of the team for the novelty experience of having a ranga in the workplace. It's entertaining for the rest of the staff and might attrack new customers wanting to see something freaky and unusual and just settle for me instead of a movie. I am also far superior to all kinds of invertebrates.

3. What sales, retail or other experience do you have that will benefit Video Ezy?
Well... none really. I once was employed for about 5 hours to count paper at Lincraft!... Individual sheets of paper. Do you think this will come in handy? I'm experienced in other things that people will enjoy but I don't think it's appropriate for a video store...

4. What is the highest level of schooling you have completed? When and where was it completed?
Well I completed Year 11 last year (2008) at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I don't know how I managed that though.

5. Are you currently studying? If yes, please provide details.
I'm studying the art of playing the piano. Is that what the question asked? I'm currently doing year 12 TEE at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I'm not doing too well but please don't tell my mother this.

6. What other completed Qualifications or Certificates do you have?
I have a swimming certificate to prove I can successfully swim 200m freestyle, 100m breaststroke and 100m backstroke! Haven't got one to say I can do CPR though so I hope no one drowns while browsing the Comedy section because that just wouldn't be funny....

7. What experience do you have with computers?
Well I downloaded this application form for one. I also use a computer for emailing. Well I'm good at using editing programs and can type pretty fast. I'm also fluent in Java script as well as Klingon.

8. What hobbies and interests do you have?
Filmmaking, film watching, writing, reading, sex.

9. What are your favourite movies and games?
Movies: The Prestige, Casablanca, Metropolis, The Pursuit of Happyness, 300, Alien, Predator, Shaun of the Dead.
Games: Croc: Legend of the Gobbos, Warcraft 3, Starcraft, Halo, Bubble Bobble, Pokemon games.

10. What are your goals for the future?
Working for Video Ezy! Yay! I also wish to obtain a drivers license, go to university, and get a job as a film director/writer.

11. What transport do you have to get you to work, particulary on nights and weekends?
My legs. Other people's legs too if they're willing to carry me. I also can use a car, bus or bicycle.


The rest is asking for references. Well do you think I'll get the job? I hope I do... it'd be fun to work there :) I really don't like being unemployed. My money reverses are quite low and I still haven't figured out how I'm going to access that $38 in my bank account.


Bella said...

haha that was the best job application i have read. and i have read a few seeing as heaps of people hand in job applications etc when im at work. i would hire you if i worked at video ezy:) but i dont so therefore you will have to ask them about that :P

internet stalkers could break into ducncraig senior highschools year 12 records for 2009 and narrow down their search by looking for 'rangas' in school photos then finding out their phone numbers and seeing if one of them matches the said number in your blog. once the said number is located they could then find out a lot more personal information you did not include in this blog.

if any internet stalker is reading this and wants a job then there you go. i just gave you one! and told you all you need to do! you could also find out where his friends live by trying to see if any names in any of his blog entries match up with a name he has mentioned before. then if he tries running away you can torture his whereabouts out of them:)

yeah bilby! didnt think about that one huh? you know you could always become an internet stalker? you could rob people for money?

bella x

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

I have purposely withheld personal information about people I know and so there is no point of reference for any stalker. Plus, no one actually reads this blog and if they did why would they bother to try and find me?

...I'm so lonely... no one stalks me anymore... :(

cornflake said...

i'll stalk you!

also, as a side note, the word verification for posting this comment was 'tryless' which i find just a little bit of a downer..

PaperClipCookies said...

that was absolutely fasinating. should have mention the attractiveness of lower gums.=)

Rayne said...

dammit i agree with paperclipcookies...the mentioning of your attractive lower gums would most DEFINETLY got you the job....remember when we went out and handed out your job applications? LOL good times...

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Yeah I remember that... you beat me... repeatedly... in front of shop assistants and shoppers alike. Especially if I showed some kind of backbone.

Ahhh those were the days :)