Valentines Day

OK people, raise your hands if you actually like this day? OK. That's not impressive. I didn't see anyone raise their hands! Granted, I am typing at a screen and thus can only see the words that I type, but I mean surely you didn't raise your hand when reading this did you? Did you!?

I didn't...

Well I personally think it's an excuse to sell soppy cards and ridiculous amounts of flowers and chocolates that are coloured red or pink because our world wasn't commercial enough. You think you think this because you're single, lonely, and don't have anyone to give you your very own stuffed bear holding a love heart that says "I wuv oo!" Then you get that special someone, and you realise that actually no... previously it was fine as it was. You didn't need to spend any money back then or be seen dead in one of those stores that have nothing but purely pink junk designed to make you feel inferior for not buying them all!

Thankfully for me I have a brilliant combination of these two worlds. I have someone special and awesome, but I also have managed to avoid having to buy anything at all this year! Lorna has seen the light and has said not to buy her such soppy love cards in stores and all that other stuff because it's all bleh and such. Which is great because I sure as hell couldn't afford any of it because I am very poor...

So yay! I don't have to buy the same cliche junk as everyone else but I do get the elated feeling of knowing that I saw her today. Not for very long though, and we ended up seeing Valentines Day the film with such great actors like... Taylor Lautner... Taylor Swift... Ashton Kutcher. OK no it had some good actors in it like Jamie Foxx. In fact it had many good actors. So many actors that none of them actually got to show off any real talent because none of their characters got more than 20 minutes collective screen time. It was all just hey let's cram 12 small plots together into the space of 2 hours and 5 minutes and hope the people watching make any particular bonds with any of the characters. It wasn't one of those cool films where the lives of random unconnected people seem to intersect in major ways like Pulp Fiction it was just one of those films where the writer had many many ideas and not much descisiveness or ability to expand. It was basically every situation you can think of in a romantic comedy all stuffed into one. There was the guy who gets with his best friend after realising his girlfriend isn't right for him, the person who discovers the cheater and then has a happy ending, ect ect. The lives were only occasionally connected in very very minor ways like the two people would go to a similar resturaunt. To be fair, I did find it hilariously ironic that Taylor Lautner's character was too embarrassed to take it shirt off in public. No one else laughed at that... Also, I did manage to feel for Ashton Kutcher's character, probably because he had more of the movie to his story than other less interesting storylines. It was sad but then had a good ending. No massive surprises but it was sweet.

The entire thing was sweet in the end. It's exactly what you'd think of a romantic comedy for valentines day. Sweet, makes you smile at times, gives you the delusion that the girl next to you is going to let you get lucky afterwards... that sort of thing (the only reason ever to see a romantic comedy)

Hey everyone! It's Exactly 12 years since the film Titanic had it's single highest grossing day! Yes, and it did this over 6 weeks after it's release. Yes, how many films do you know that do that?

It's also 81 years since the St Valentines Day Massacre in Chicago, Illinois.

That's just so cheery! Hey, wouldn't it be so much more fun (for those morbid, anti-valentines day people) if instead of getting a teddy bear in a store, you'd find a gravestone saying "RIP North Side Irish Seven, 1929"? Or a commemorative Thompson sub-machine gun. "For all your valentines day needs" It goes great because then you can pretend what you're drinking is bootlegged booze and pretend you're a gangster. Or even better! A big teddy bear thats says "I wuv oo Bugs Moran to death!"

Yeah I think I'll stop with the horrific and poor taste jokes about valentines day meets death. Though what else is there to think about on today besides love? Today is love and death all rolled into one. Sometimes both put together in the case of Titanic. So yeah, it totally fits right?

Also, by the way for those who don't know, I'm making a facebook album entitled "My 1000 Sunsets" which is exactly what it sounds like. A compilation of 1000 sunsets which will take years to make but I want to make it anyway. Of course I can only upload one photo per sunset otherwise it won't be 1000 different and unique sunsets then. Well sometimes it's pretty hard to choose my favourite photo out of them all but I manage. But tonights sunset was just so incredibly beautiful that I had dificulty choosing so I've decided to post the extra ones that didn't get chosen here. Enjoy the sunset of Valentines Day 2010!













And for those who don't have facebook I will show you the one I chose out of all of them. Then I will also show you the original because I have a slight confession. These photos are slightly edited digitally. Well sorry but my camera is quite cheap and old OK? It's not even mine it's my mothers and she thought "It takes photos, thus it is sufficient". Well yes, to compensate for the fact that my camera doesn't really show off colour too well I occasionally change the contrast (only a bit, too much and the photo looks fake) to make things more defined. So here's the original:



And the slightly altered version:



As you can see I've decreased the brightness slightly and increased the constrast slightly more. It makes sunsets that previously didn't look as good on camera as they did in real life, look just as awesome as they did in real life! Or maybe even better? That's my tip to you sneaky photographers who thought something was really cool but then just didn't quite turn out as you had imagined... No photoshop required.

Medieval Vegan Socialists!

I'm apparently all 3 rolled into one now.

Yes, we all have been in that situation where you're walking past a stall and suddenly a socialist is asking you to sign a petition and you decide "SURE!". I in particular have been in that situation 3 times yesterday alone. Wait no, OK I actually got asked more than that but I had already signed the petition a few requests ago so yeah. Yeah it was O-week (orientation week) for Murdoch this week and Friday was the final day. There was meant to be lots of entertainment, live bands and lots of free stuff! Of course the "free stuff!" was really free pamphlets handed out by the people asking you to join their club/organisation/religion/company/political party. Mainly socialists. Labour was handing out paper bags with... stuff. I didn't go near them. I was too busy talking to the socialists and medieval society. I also met some vegans.

Well yeah, I get there early (9ish) because I thought I should do the same as I had for previous O-week days (which involved getting up nearly 3 hours before it starts...) and when I got there I realised that being there on time wasn't too important. Not all the free ride stuff had been set up, the band wouldn't start playing until after midday. The stalls were being set up but those lively socialists had already set up and gotten a few signatures on their petition! They stopped me and asked me to sign a petition for the legalization of Gay Marriage which I of course would sign. I swear I didn't know they were socialists until AFTER I had signed it! I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW! Oh well.

Well he handed me a free small piece of paper and then offered me a magazine... for $3 or $5. Yeah everything was free there besides what the communists were selling. There wasn't just one communist stall, there were multiple ones. I was very confused. One was supporting gay marriage, the other was very concerned with climate change and the third one just wanted me to learn about Cuba for some reason. The first two wanted my money.

Wait... what? Communists want my money! Yeah I didn't actually realise the irony of it when I first was asked for their money. I just walked off to Murdoch's Chinese styled pond and walkway thing to sit, write and draw.



Well I then later decided I was being a massive introvert and I had come here to partake in the crowd so I might aswell be somewhere near them. I approached the first communist (this was before I learnt about the OTHER ones) and asked him how he felt about the irony of using a capitilistic method to spread anti-capitalistic messages. He agreed with me and said it was a "necessary evil." I asked him how much it actually costed to produce the magazine and he said $3 but I could pay $5 to help expansion. That kinda justified it to me you know. Only asking for enough money to make back what they spent and not too focused on profit.

But in true socialist style I stood purely by their set of ideologies and didn't give them a cent.

Later I was informed the socialist parties of Australia had joined together to become one to which I replied "The communists are finally working together!"

Well you know after a while of walking around and wishing I wasn't so polite I had signed lots of things and accepted many things. Yeah if someone hands me something I just almost always instinctively take it. I pretend to care also and smile or say thankyou. But really, I just think it's rude to make the people realise that all their efforts are futile and fleeting. I'm not going to read whatever you just handed me! Though I did only sign petitions I knew what they were about. Except one... which seemed important. I had walked off to near the carpark and was looking at my phone when someone says (or at least this is what I heard) "Would you like to sign a petition to stop the deforestation of poor villages?" Well I wasn't aware that somewhere in the world someone was busy logging an entire forest which somehow was situated within a small village where only poor people lived. I wasn't aware that such an indecency was being committed against random nondescript villages! But I want there to be a stop to it! So I signed.

I didn't sign my name. But I signed it. I put down one of my friends names then told him about it afterwards. He personally is against poor people and encourages burning down the forests, or so his reply text had said. Maybe he was joking? Who knows with him... By the end I had stopped signing my name and made ones up. One of the socialists wanted me to sign something about global warming or live animal export and then they asked for emails and stuff and I didn't want to give that out to socialists so I made everything completely up. I didn't want to decline from signing it because I had approached him to ask him what he was about (once again, I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A COMMUNIST!!) and had spoken to him for too long that I thought it would be awkward to have basically agreed completely with him and then said I wouldn't support him in any way.

I also met many many other people there. Not many were interesting. Though I did get a FREE magazine from some vegans telling me that the recommended daily dietry intake of protein is a MYTH and that normal people get far too much protein than needed. Even a vegetarian diet is capable of having more than enough protein. Interesting, yes, mhm.... I still like the taste of sweet bloody murdered cow. It just tastes good OK!?

I also met some people who liked to dress up in medieval garb and fight each other! Originally you see the randoms dressed in medieval clothes and you think that's pretty geeky and feel like laughing at them. Then you walk over, they give you a pamphlet and explain what they're about and suddenly they seem awesome! Right? I mean, who DOESN'T want to dress up in armour and hit someone else with a sword? I actually decided that it'd be pretty cool but I had nothing appropriate to wear... damn. That and the times that they go being medieval and such clashes with my University time table.

Oh well. Fortunately for me, if I ever want to form a political opinion, I can become a communist. They don't really have any paticular schedule that I need to stick to, they just are. I don't really want to be a communist but I don't really believe that they're all evil. I have a problem with abuse of power not the actually idea of communism. Abuse of power is present in both systems in real world situations so the only real reason why I personally would ever support communism would be to destroy Scientology, which cannot function within a communism environment because it's based solely on the exploitation of the suggestible for the purpose of huge monetal gain and personal power. So without any money, Scientology loses it's only function and thus no longer can abuse and destroy people! Yay! See what you did America? You fought the communists and now we have the Scientologists! Was that really a fair trade? Was it? NO!

Vote for the socialist party!



I start Uni next week. I can't wait.

Obligatory Blog (Pop...)

I must blog! Or my loyal (*COUGH*YEAH RIGHT*COUGH*) followers will tire of my silence and go read more interesting blogs like... Imaginary Bakery (which, btw, is actually less imaginary than I was originally promised. It has been a grave distress to me that she's the only real person who I follow who has blogged in a while.) So I must write the obligatory blog post! I must prove I still exist, and thus feel validated when someone finally comments on these blogs so we both feel like we have proven our existence :) I like existing and so should you.

Do we all feel sufficiently real now that we have proved to our own minds that we are literate? Keep in mind that it is merely your perception of literacy that has allowed you to read this and make you think it is affirming you about your own literacy. "What?" Basically what I may be poorly trying to communicate here is your thoughts are the only proof that you can use to prove your own existence to yourself and hence anything else you can't prove if it's real or if it's your imagination. So how do you know what these words mean? YOU'RE BRILLIANT AND I LOVE YOU! It could be gibberish or -YOU'RE GREAT- even insults. Who knows?

Why yes, I did just blatantly make a poor reference to the philosophy of that "I think therefore I am" guy. (Who? I'm not sure, to wikipedia!) OK his name is René Descartes and can I prove he exists? I think of him thus I exist, but to think he exists is to acknowledge he thinks, and how do I know that when everything I know could be have been thought and created by me?

My attempt at philosophy is pointless and probably very amateur indeed. So let's move on!

University starts soon and I keep thinking perhaps I'm unprepared, perhaps I haven't done something right or forgotten something and I'll find out I don't have a book I need or didn't quite click the very last button for enrolling and so I have to keep telling myself everything is OK. "Everything will be OK" is a film by Don Hertzfeldt which I have recently decided is the most brilliant animation done with stick figures I have ever seen in my entire life. Not only is the animation brilliant but the thing is a film. It's not just some random animation on the internet done with flash, it's a handdrawn short film done by a filmmaker who has won many many awards, which he deserves for his immense amount of work, effort, thought and creativity. It's about this man called Bill who goes through life with no idea of if he has a purpose and then gets increasingly mentally ill. It's so funny and yet sad and tragic. I love it. As Bill's life gets more chaotic so does the drawings and when Bill breaks down completely you're assaulted by so many things at once. It's like you're experiencing his own perception of the world around him warping to the point where it's incomprehensible chaos.

It is just so incredibly awesome.

OK so far my obligatory blog has briefly mentioned existence, uni and Don Hertzfeldt's brilliant animations. What's the point of this? Damn, you know I normally don't do obligatory things just for the sake of updating something because it usually ends up with you just saying "I'm doing this because I feel like I have to!" and well, that isn't really that interesting. "Why do you want the job?" "Because I haven't had one in a while. Why are you hiring me?" "Because we haven't hired anyone in a while." (I actually would like that occurance, it'd be fun... for me. Come on people!) So to all those who have managed to survive reading this far into this mandatory blog update I have a special treat for you! (Those of you who have facebook that is)

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Can-this-Onion-Ring-get-more-fans-than-Justin-Bieber/285409781939?ref=ts

The answer is, YES! That Onion Ring CAN get more fans that Justin Bieber! (Notice the capitals on the Onion Ring? That's because it's so damn awesome it's now a pronoun. It is a being in itself)



Edit: The fan group was actually removed not long after reaching more fans than the Jonas Brothers. RIP Onion Ring :( Your enemies have destroyed you!

There is some photographic evidence of this amazing miracle of rationality and good taste in people today :) The onion ring managed to unite nearly 2 million people (it's growing strong!) in just 5 days to join in on a good cause of proving to the world that not all teenagers give in to the pathetic manipulative mass marketed musical numbers that are written by 40 year old men, sung by 15-20 year old boys, and listened to by over excited and inexperienced 14 year old girls! Do you now there's a "genre" of music called "teen pop"? I was so disheartened and angered when I heard such a thing existed. You know those songs you hear on the radio that only your young daughter who has just started liking boys, has no individual thoughts of her own, is starting to dress in clothes she's picked out by herself instead of what you bought her because you're "so uncool mum/dad/foster guardian/person who has claimed ownership illegally" and still thinks turning 18 means you're officially old? Yes, the stuff Disney likes to sell to you with your Highschool Musical lunchboxes, backpacks, pencil cases (with MATCHING PENCILS!) and rulers. That's "teen" pop. Though technically half of it's target market is a "tween" audience.

Do you even know what a tween is!?!????? Well I'll tell you (so you don't need to google it, but if you just did that to say "I can answer your rhetorical question!" then you're sad. So sad) It's an imaginary age group somewhere between teenagers and toddlers. There is no specific definition of the actual age, because it's not real! OK it's safe to say a 5 year old is definitely not a tween. But is a 10 year old a tween? "Tweens" are the "in between". In between being dependant on their parents for everything and being rational free thinking individuals who aren't easily manipulated. Somewhere between these two ages these kids get a source of income that doesn't get taxed and isn't needed for food or anything other than the tweens own amusement.

Tweens aren't people! THEY'RE A MARKETING PLOY! The people who market these things have created a whole new age group to sell things to. Apparently there weren't enough stages of growing up because someone out there wasn't making enough money. So teen pop is basically a way of saying to a child who knows nothing about love or music or what a gimmick is "This is what cool is! This is what HOT is!" so they accept it. The problem is the guys are all so hunky when their 15 or 17 but then they get a bit older and so do their fanbase so their fans realise that there's things out there like rock, REAL pop (which is still stupid but at least the artists are listened to for their music half the time instead of just their looks %100 of the time) jazz, classic music, metal and one of my favourites: cello rock. OK so most 14 year old girls won't ever grow up to discover the awesomeness of such cello rock bands as Rasputina, Apocalyptica (that's the hella mainstream one ya'll), Melo-M or even Judgement Day and Break of Reality! But yes, once they grow up and realise all teen pop is the same thing repeated they need someone new to appeal to next years tweens with "new" songs. Justin Bieber for example! Do you honestly think this 15 year old kid will still be around when he's 20? I'll be very shocked if he is. It's great because although those 14 year old girls fantasise about oh sweet hawt cool awesome dreamy Zac Efron, they really deep down know they could never get with him because that'd be a) HIGHLY ILLEGAL b) just impossible, he's too old :( (awww...) BUT! Justin Bieber! He's 15! Which means he's just as underaged as his entire fan base!

Not only can your kids dream of being with him but it is a "realistic" dream because he's so young and seems so sweet singing that song about how much he loves a nondescript girl who may just be YOU! Yes YOU little girl! He can be all yours! :) But he only loves you if you buy all his merchandise!

So yes, I listen to bands that are described as "avant-garde metal" with influences that range "from black metal, progressive metal, industrial music, symphonic metal and gothic metal to European classical music and contemporary music." or "Cello/Gothic Rock/Dark Cabaret/Indie/Steampunk" or even "kebab-kosher-jazz-film-traffic-punk-music." (Which is really a cult-avant-garde finnish band that's influenced by klezmer music). I also listen to Green Day and Good Charlotte. I don't really believe in "rebelling" against the commercialist mass marketed popular music as a stand to be hell alternative and cool. I just don't like listening to s*** music, which unfortunately is what is defined as "popular" (by tweens apparently). I like my bands like Peccatum, Havayoth, Arkona, Age of Silence, Alamaailman Vasarat, Delain, Darkspace, Visions of Atlantis, Unexpect, Tool, I Set My Friends on Fire (that band is hilarious!) Diablo Swing Orchestra (favourite band ever) and many others because they're different, they're interesting, they're not a carbon copy of some other band. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy popular music like Green Day, Linkin Park, Anberlin, Slipknot, KoRn and Mudvayne (Yes, those last three ARE popular) because they sound cool. It also doesn't help to listen to at least SOME music that you don't have to order from overseas just to listen to... *sigh* Oh Diablo Swing Orchestra, one day you'll be known within Australia... one day I will see you on a CD store shelf...

So enjoy your plastic pop songs by 20-something artists like Britney Spears and those... other women and men. I don't know their names. Enjoy it! Because it's not Teen-pop! The lowest of the low... You don't have to listen to my obscure metal bands or even my "alternative" rock bands (JB Hi-Fi stores nothing but the most mainstream "alternative" you ever did listen to 3 times on the radio yesterday) but I do implore all you out there to pick bands that write their own songs, sing without computers and have a fan base whose average age is at least 17 or higher. Do not let the tween marketers win! They stalk your children and watch how they interact with things around them in shopping centres, what shows they like and even how they hold bottles of shampoo in the shower to see if the container is comfortable and how best to market shampoo to your kid! (I'm not actually making this up. People have really actually watched kids in the shower for the sake of "marketing improvements")

All hail the onion ring!

P.S. My sister thinks therefore she exists.

With Apologies to Jetstar

The following events started on Tuesday earlier this week. I have yet to get a response from any of the companies involved...

Well have you ever seen a truly awful ad on TV? One that just made you angry at how terrible it was, that is, the seventh time you saw it because all over times weren't memorable enough for you to even know you watched something you should be angry at? Well there's tons of bad ads out there but then there's some that are absolutely astounding in their lack of quality. Well I've had enough and I've decided not to wait until I actually become qualified to work in advertising. I'm going to write to these companies and tell them all the reasons why they did something very very bad that offended me as a viewer (not morally, just as a consumer who wishes to be thouroughly brainwashed properly before consuming things. You don't expect me do to all the work do you?) So surely nothing can go wrong right?

Well here's a bit of my "constructive criticism" I sent to Jetstar after seeing an absolutely terrible ad for a airline company:

Dear Jetstar Airlines

This letter is a response to your advertisements on TV that I saw recently. I want to tell you why it was terrible and how/why you should improve it. I was absolutely appalled by the sheer lack of effort, quality or even basic knowledge of how advertising works present in this ad. The ad I refer to consisted almost entirely of a single shade blue screen with plain informative text and a song on the background. It didn’t capture attention (except in how truly terrible it was) it looked uninteresting and fails in trying to appeal to an audience.

Surely you should know that we’re bombarded by hundreds of images, logos and advertisements but marketing is a competitive business. Only a few stick in our heads so you can see the importance of making an imprint on people’s opinions. Advertising is meant to appeal to a person’s sense of security, comfort or convenience; something your airline should supply for anyone travelling. From families going on a holiday to business men attending a conference, Jetstar can supply all your travelling needs! Your flights are affordable and your friendly well trained staff are devoted to making your customer’s journey as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. Can you see how that’s more appealing than just giving them information to read without any voice over? Your ad isn’t stimulating or memorable. You may not be personally responsible for making it but you should be in charge of deciding if an ad for you gets accepted or not to be broadcasted.

As a film student I am capable of making an advertisement far better than whoever made the ad I speak of. I’d gladly give you half a dozen suggestions for ads that would be entertaining to watch and informative but often people won’t take suggestions from people who aren’t employed by them for legal reasons, especially from game designers or song writers. If you wish to hear my ideas for ad campaigns then by all means ask, I encourage you to do so, but if not I still implore you to come up with a better advertisement. It really is so terrible it’s most likely detrimental to your image because it’s so terrible.

Remember, an ad isn’t just a number and a name on a screen telling someone how much and what company can give them whatever service they want, it’s a competition be the most interesting and appealing thing between parts of a show. You need to make the audience want your service not just know of it. If I can make an ad worthwhile talking about then surely you can too. Best of luck next time! I know you are capable of making an ad that works.

Make it funny or awe inspiring or just aesthetically pleasing. Make it good.

Well! I sent it off the next day in the morning thinking "I just wrote my first letter to a company!" so that was good. That day was looking quite hopeful!

Then I got home from wherever I was that day (I assume I was outside, after all I did need to go back inside after it all) and sat down to watch the TV. I was watching The Simpsons as I was the previous night when I had seen that terrible ad... and then there it was again. I looked closer at it this time.

Then I saw the company logo. It was "Skywest" not Jetstar. I had just sent that letter to Jetstar! Ohhh... no... and now they have my home address and name. DAMNIT! Time to send an apology letter and hope they get them at the same time.

Dear Jetstar Airlines.

I recently sent you a letter complaining about how absolutely terrible your ad campaigns are and I would like to apologise. They were actually ads for Skywest. You see that’s just how bad they were! They were so bad I didn’t even know what company they were for and so I have embarrassingly complained to the wrong people! Well I don’t know how you sort your mail and in fact, someone might read this letter before they read the other one. If that happens perhaps you could have a laugh at the embarrassing circumstances surrounding this unfortunate mix up and be entertained by my views of your competitors. In the end I do say you are capable of making a better ad, and this just proves that you can. You’re better than Skywest and you also go more places. Good on you! Sorry for that, I have sent a letter to them instead now.

Terribly sorry for any inconvenience or offence my lack of thinking has caused you.


Surely they'll take it all in good humour right? And surely this experience has taught us nothing but the importance of good advertising! Had their ad been succifiently good enough for me to not forget as soon as I had seen the ad (twice, by the way, second time I had to get someone else to tell me who the hell the ad was for even though I had payed attention. Even then I had to look it up to be sure) then I would've complained to them in the first place instead of Jetstar! Or even better, I wouldn't have to complain about how much they suck in the first place! Someone has to tell them they're wrong, and I'm as good as anyone right?

Right?

Forever Unemployed

Hey there! As we all know, I've been searching for a job for... a very very long time! Well a week or so I get told that Woolworth's is looking for "longlife fillers" which is a fancy way of saying reshelf things. Now. Yeah I'm not above being a shelf stacker OK? A job is a job and even though my brother also wanted to apply to it, I was confident I could get this job. Seriously, what competition could I possibly have? So I handed in my resume even though I had excluded any references at all...

GUESS WHO GOT A GROUP JOB INTERVIEW! My brother!...... Me also! Yeah what's really bizarre is how on my resume I listed my contact details to include my hotmail email account... and yet they contacted me via my gmail account. OK that's one thing that Woolworth's did wrong so far! (Oh yes, let's count them!)

Well I go to the group job interview and I thought I was the oldest one there until someone else showed up. Apparently they weren't just interviewing shelf stackers so that person actually wanted a proper job. I was the oldest one wanting to stack shelves... Oh well right? Job interview went well. So well that...

GUESS WHO GOT A CALL BACK!... My brother!...... Me also! Well OK I got the one-on-one job interview which was pretty cool. I went there all smartly dressed and looking good, ready to be interviewed on time. I thought you were meant to show up 10-5 minutes before an interview for some reason. To show punctuality skills required for working at Woolworths like all employees are expected to have? Yes the fact that I had to sit around and wait for my interviewer after the appointed time means nothing, they have a job to do so that doesn't count as a mistake on their behalf. Wait for it people! Woolworth's a perfectly respectable company! Stop urging me to slander them and point out all their flaws! They're bound to make a few mistakes once in a while.

Job interview went well. I answered all the questions quite well except the last one which was "Why do you think you're suited to this job?" which confused me. Hadn't all previous questions actually been this question? Seriously what does that mean!? I hate interview questions because they're always so utterly pointless. "Why do you want this job?" "FOR MONEY!!" (I actually answered for money and to earn valuable working experience) and "what skills do you have that will help you with the job?" answer: capable of heavy lifting and can work independantly. The fact that I appear confident enough to apply to this job and talk to you should suggest I am not so shy as to be unable to work in such an environment and taking one look at me will easily determine that I have more muscle mass than any of the other applicants. You don't need to ask that question for the job. Job interviews for jobs that only teenagers take aren't filled with poignant and important questions. They have questions for the sake of there being an interview process. It serves two purposes, it prepares you for real interviews later on in life, and it shows you are capable of interacting with another human being for ten minutes without stuttering or mumbling. That's it. They know their questions are pointless, it's just how well you give pointless answers is what they rate you on. So yes, I was confused that they asked me such a redundant question that to me was "so, repeat all your answers to me please in a slightly different way. I want to see if you can make up an answer as to why you are suited to picking things up and then putting them down." (By the way, I don't like repeating myself when asked similar questions because it feels like I'm spouting tautologous nonsense which shows very little intelligence) Well I'm suited to in the sense that... I can do it? (Because really, it's SHELF STACKING) So my answer was "............because I am capable?" It's simple, it's truthful, it's really the only thing you can say at this point in time when the past ten to fifteen minutes has been thinking that the person across the table seriously needs to trim their nails because they're so long there are very noticable differences in the lengths and they have made less eye contact that you have. Seriously, how are they going to judge my eye contact and general body posture if they look down at the piece of paper most of the time, pausing to think about the question written down on the sheet of paper before reading it? Read the question! All you do is write down what I say!

Well even though her pause made me feel uneasy as if I had just shattered my perfect facade with an oddly bad answer, I was still confident I had done well. Sure, my interview didn't really reveal any of my actualy real traits or skills. I said "I'd say I'm intelligent, but I don't suppose being able to critically analyse and deconstruct literary texts helps with this job does it?" which a subtle way of saying "You don't need to be smart or skilled to do this job. Hence I am overqualified, but should get it anyway." I don't want to seem vain and think I'm more awesome than anyone else, but I honestly believe I am a very employable person who is wasting their talents as a shelf stacker. But a job is a job and hence not below me. No job on earth requires %100 of a persons skills so the fact that I have many that aren't needed for it doesn't matter. I left and then waited for my call back to see if I had gotten the job.

GUESS WHO GOT A CALL WHILE SITTING IN A CAFE NEAR THE BEACH THE NEXT DAY!..... NOT my brother! (damn right he didn't get a call!) Well it was the lovely HR whatever who was at the group interview (but not the personal one) who had called to inform me that I hadn't got the job unfortunately because they were looking for someone who was going for more long term employment...

"Wait..." I interject, not wanting to sit and be told things without actually talking back and going "excuse me! What the hell woman? Let me justify things before you tell me I failed!" Before she could continue I went on. "3 years is not long term?" Because when I was asked how long I was planning on staying at this job I answered "At the most 3 years. Not staying around forever. 3 years max to pay for some of my uni fees." "And so not just a few months?" (replied the interviewer) "Oh no. Not just a few months, that's far too short. I don't know how many months but more than a few." "OK so 3 years maximum?" "Yes, 3 years maximum." OK.... did you get the underlying theme there? The strong undertones of my point expressed by my repetition of the word "years" complimented by the other persons verbal confirmation of what I JUST SAID? Good! I'm glad you got it from just that because the real conversation was actually a few sentences longer and hence harder to miss what I was saying. "Sorry... I've got written down here you said 3 months." "No I most certainly expressed 3 years quite strongly." MISTAKE TWO! BIG ONE! "Oh, well sorry..."

OK I thankfully picked up on that and mentioned it. I get annoyed when I let people think they're actually right when they're logic is faulty. Just like with my drivers test... which I failed. Sure I actually failed legitimately but she said one of my mistakes included this one time I went onto a road without being able to see oncoming traffic. The person testing me thought it was amazing how I was able to not run into anything when she thought I was unable to see oncoming traffic easily enough. Well maybe the reason why I stopped was because there was a pedestrian crossing at the end of the intersection so wanted to let potential pedestrians past before driving on. Then as I approached the rest of the road I didn't need to stop because as you approach the road you can see onto it! Duh! She also said I made traffic slow down because I cut in without being able to see oncoming traffic. That was a faulty judgement on her part also, there was a truck. You see if a vehicle is slowing down to turn into the same road you're coming out of then no one can actually go past it so you're free to go. I don't need to see oncoming traffic because it's blocked by a truck. It was slowed because it needed to slow to prevent crashing... something I never ever do.

Doesn't matter, I didn't fail on those points, I lost due to a rather nasty instant fail involving a double laned roundabout and a potential hazard.

Anyway, where was I? OH YES! The reason why I'm currently still unemployed! :) Yes, I had forgotten to point out the obvious "well the person who did the interview is INCOMPETANT... that or you can't read. Thanks." But I had made my point that someone screwed up not me. She basically backtracked at that point in time trying to find a reason why I can't be employed anymore at this point in time... but in the future... because she's already given the job away to someone less physically suited to this job. "Oh... well it says Uni study may affect availability. Have you got your uni schedule yet?" "Not yet." "When do you get it?" "End of February I think." "OK well you call me when you get your new availability and then we'll see what we can do. See if we can fit you in." So thank you! Thank you for realising you made a mistake and that there isn't actually anything stopping me from being employed and then offering me the same job in the future to make up for it.

So it's not like I'm completely unemployable... it's just that they won't do it right now. So in a month I will call them back and they will most likely tell me they don't have any positions available and I will be still unemployed! Of course they might actually still employ me after all. Who knows?

I'm still going to apply to other places instead while I wait. Like hell I'm relying on people who either can't write or can't read! (Some people would be bitter after this happened to them... not me though... of course...) So now it's back to printing resume after resume! Now it's back to getting physically exhausted walking around all day looking for places of interest to hand in resumes into. No one ever calls me back, I don't think the whole "handing in resumes" thing actually works unless there's a sign asking for help. There's never any signs! Oh what fun it is to be unemployed...

...gives me time to work on my novel.

Hi There Christmas! Come on in?

Ohhai! I actually got back a week ago and haven't blogged about it. Odd huh? Weeeelll I could go on about how awesome my holiday was with lots of pictures to go with it but it's CHRISTMAS! I can't be bothered with holiday blog on... a... holiday? No I'm going to tell you about Christmas instead! It's not over yet but I don't think much will happen in the next 4 hours so it's b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blogging time!

Bam.

Your mind has been blown. (Did you enjoy it? $5. Sorry OK just had that innapropriate joke in my mind for a while and a blog that few people read, especially not my family, seemed the appropriate medium. Ahem.) We have a tradition of not opening presents until everyone is awake and ready which means basically every Christmas we need to wait for my father to get out of bed. Yeah it's meant to be the teenager who sleeps in past 10 but no. No we started opening presents at quarter to 12 this year (it gets progressively later each year) and guess what? My brother got... something... whatever it was it was rectangular. OK and I got... a card with money in it! OK no let's rewind a bit, I'm much more excited by the events leading up to Christmas instead...

It all starts with Jesus. OK maybe too far back. OK friend decides to have a Christmas party on the 23rd! I'm invited at the last minute and Lorna too. That's fine I never plan anything more than a few days in advance (Just like my good ol' rolemodel, fictional character and hopeless depressed loner, Rick. Bonus cookie points for guessing the reference!) but there's a secret santa thing going on. I'm great at the secret bit! Terrible at the Santa bit. OK oddly enough present giving has not been the most major of things in my household... we do not get our siblings or parents gifts. The parents give us two things a year. I have honestly only bought personally 3 gifts in my entire life. They are as follows: Lorna's Christmas present 2008, Lorna's 18th Birthday present and Lorna's Christmas present 2009. See a pattern? Good. If you can see you are not blind (and thus have not eaten 1.5kg of sugar in one hit) so yeah thankfully the host dropped by (with her boyfriend... actually he was the one who dropped by to look at my computer, she just came along) and told me to give away one of my random possessions I haven't touched in years. This was after she rummaged around a little and touched some of my stuff... and resisted the urge to clean (I hate it whenever I have a girl walk into my room they instantly respond with "OMG!.... I must CLEAN THIS!!!" Do you think you're saving me from something!? What does having my stuff in draws where I can't see it do me!? WHY!!!) I also discovered that my computer currently doesn't have the capability to utilise two monitors simultaneously which I'm quite disapointed about. I need a convertor apparently. Oh well, they're cheap. Well it was party time soon...

You know the great thing about this Christmas Eve was I got to see Lorna. I was going to see her that day anyway but the way things turned out was great. Sorry for spoiling how the story goes but I'm skipping ahead to the party where my plans changed from going round to Lorna's at 12 to waking up at 10 and going to Lorna "hey want breakfast?"

WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTT!!!! (I hear you say)

To which her response was "not right now, I'm tired." (SURPRISE! Bet you didn't see her rejecting breakfast at 10am coming... quite a shocker.)

I am so happy right now. But I feel like going backwards and trying (poorly) to give this story some form of linear form. You know what? Screw linear styled blog posts! Let's have a random story now: one day my brother went to a park and decided to feed some ducks. He got too close and one felt threatened so ran at him. My brother being scared of a small toothless bird that people shoot for fun decided to run away, thus erasing any guise of dominance over the angry bird. As he ran away screaming in utter terror at this common semi-water bird he tripped and fractured his foot. Many people laughed at him at school afterwards when I told them it was from a duck. Let us all now laugh at his pain once again during this Merry season!!

So yeah, back to explaining how I totally got to sleep with Lorna. Think you know how this story goes? You're opinion is wrong! I bet you're all having the wrong ideas here! I bet you think this is a totally teenagery male sorta blog about me going "HELL YEAH I GOT LAID! LET ME BRAG ABOUT IT!" but you're wrong! I'm just not telling you everything because I want to give you some suspense while I blog about this. Let's all take bets to see how innocence or dirty the night really was and a seperate bet on the amount of alcohol involved at this party!

You know what was involved at this party? Cats. They weren't even the hosts cats. No one saw the real cat but we saw other random cats. One jumped on the table and ate the dip. It also tried to eat some cookies. I kept shooing (shooing? It's really spelt like that?) it away in the hope it'd leave the food on the outside table alone. It did. It came inside instead. Oddly enough it let people pat it and pick it up it just didn't like me for some reason. Lorna didn't know too many people so I had to stay by her side almost every moment of the party which I didn't mind at all :) I was not too close with a lot of the guests and new the ones Lorna did better so it worked out fine. Up until we started playing Sing Star and I did terrible. After some Sing Star Lorna and I decided that outside would be less noisy/less embarrassingly tone deaf. Talking ensued with people we knew.

OK that part of the story wasn't too interesting ("Skip to the sex! Skip to the sex!" Whoa calm down you dirty dirty blog reader! Jumping to conclusions and demanding I reveal things in an ungentlemanly manner. I'm blogging here, and you as a reader should have the kind grace to not expect a kiss and tell session of my truly overwhelmingly sexy exploits. Now silence! I am blogging!) but some part of it will be. I got a fluffy hamster toy! See? Exciting! Yeah that was my secret Santa gift that I got. It was from Jack. Real secret when his girlfriend comes up to you and goes "Oh you got Jack's present!" Thankfully no one knew who my present was from except me and the two people who told me to bring it. It was terribly cheap and pathetic. Second hand too! I really didn't have time to get a gift... and the one I gave was actually worth more money than I had on me ($1.55) so unfortunate yes but unavoidable. Don't judge me!

The party went until 11:30 which for a teenager really isn't that late but it's late enough that my mother had already gone to bed a few hours previous and hence couldn't pick me up because it was a major inconvenience. Thankfully I used the same logic on my mother to tell her that Lorna's parents couldn't pick her up either (which was true) but then say that it would also be inconvenient to have to drop Lorna at her home at all. (Side note, Shane gave us a lift home) So then I somehow (quite surprisingly) then got my mother to agree to let Lorna stay at our house. Yay! That is so awesome/unexpected!

Of course my dad was still awake when we got home and we slept in seperate beds. Yeah were you expecting a tale of a saucy sexual encounter? How perverted. Shame on you! I just wanted to tell you the story of how absolutely awesome it was to spend 24 hours straight with Lorna. I woke up on Christmas eve, walked down the hall and saw that Lorna had already gotten up. She hadn't done much though so we sat (yes, sat) and talked. Had a discussion about who would have a shower first then lied down and had a nap. The day didn't technically start properly until 1pm so it was a nice nap. I occasionally would tell Lorna she needed to get/wake up but she was being very lazy and for good reason. Getting up meant not lying down with me next to her. It was very very sweet and nice... and innocent... lying there. Not moving. It's fun. Everyone knows lying there not doing anything is fun but lying there not doing anything with someone lying next to you participating in the nothingness makes it a lot more fun! From now on whenever I lie around and not do things it'll be a social event (but exclusive though. I can't just lie around doing nothing with anyone, it'd be bad for my reputation. I need to do something if I'm going to be with a bunch of people. What will the neighbours think? What will bloggers think?) So you know I gave you all that suspense and made you think dirty things (well... poorly attempted to) and it was just about lying down for a few hours with someone special on the day before Christmas. Not the most thrilling of reading but I personally was very happy and still am happy. It was better than Christmas itself!

Now to Christmas itself! I didn't get any presents (especially not from SANTA!) from my family. Instead my parents gave me money (why we had to wait until dad got up so I could get a card and $40 I don't know) and then my aunt, uncle and grandparents gave me money also. The only people who did get me a present was Lorna and her family. You see I'm becoming accepted as one of their own... I get presents! Only took 19 months (which coincidentaly was the 25th of December when our relationship turned 19 months old) to get physical gifts. I got (from Lorna) The I.T. Crowd seasons 1 AND 2 on DVD! (Because they didn't have them on VHS...) Which is totally AWESOME! It was just what I wanted! (How did she know? It's almost as if she doesn't just check her emails more once a year!) So I spent my Christmas afternoon (after saying goodbye to family) watching most of Season 1 and going "Bahahaha! I'm getting more of these jokes than anyone else in the room! Bahahahaha! OMG A PAC MAN LEVEL 256 T-SHIRT! I WANT ONE!" Seriously though... my mother thought it was weird I recognised that Roy's shirt was of level 256 of Pac-man. (Billy Mitchell is a LEGEND! But David Race owned you! World record for fastest is always better than first. More bonus cookie points!) Is it really not common knowledge about the split-screen glitch in the simple binary programming system of 80's arcade games that prevents someone from progressing any further in the game? It is a simple problem with programming things to have never ending levels based on a byte! It only goes up to 255 which is why the Missingo cheat occured in the original pokemon games. The game stores 151 max pokemon data but then theres 104 more free spaces in which data can be stored and.... oh right... yes, where was I?

Yes well I also got a bag full of gifts from her sister and parents. They got me Braveheart on DVD (FINALLY! I rented it but it was scratched in the penultimate scene so they're pulling the ropes and torturing the guy in front of a huge crowd and then they let him down and they go "the prisoner wants to speak!" and he's barely able to speak and they lean closer.... and then it freezes... AGGHHH!!! Come on! That's his epic final words!!!) along with a book of many Garfield comics. Oh yes, they also got me deoderant and shower gel. I wonder what that was meant to imply... Thankfully it wasn't shaving cream or aftershave! Because I would've been offended. I like my beard. No one else I know my age has one.

Well we all know what I want for Christmas next year now!

http://www.errorwear.com/shirt-pacman.php

I also got a few envelopes with cards in them. I enjoy getting envelopes and always carried some around with me in Sydney... may think I'm weird but you never know when you need to mail something!

I wonder what next Christmas will be like. Fun I hope. I hope you all enjoyed your Christmases today too! Merry Christmas.

I sleep now. I had to actually get up and move around today before 1pm! Gasp! So I'm tired now.

Goodbye

Hello all. Tomorrow I set off to Sydney for a week and then to Tasmania for yet another week so recently I decided to start packing. I've been going round finding pencils and sharpening them. What? Yes well I've decided to do some drawing/writing when I am on holiday so I gathered as many pencils as I could and found all the unused sketchbooks and then my mother told me that no one needed that many pencils so I should put some back. I am very disapointed that I'm only bringing 7 (of the largest there were) with me across the country to draw whatever interesting things I find there. Trees, rocks, hobos even slightly different designed public transport! I wonder what colour scheme they go with for the trains in Sydney. Green like Transperth? (Who I follow on Twitter)

I've never been on a plane before. Does it hurt? I hope not. I do not like hurtyness.... No but seriously though I am going to miss my dearst Lorna a lot which is part of the reason why I've stocked up on paper and pens. I'm going to write her a letter while away! A few actually. Perhaps some more people need mail while I'm away? That's it! I'm going to send a bunch of people letters while I'm away :D Then when I come home they'll get them at a similar time and be like "aww! This is so sweet!" and I'll stand there thinking "OK do you need to read them now? I mean... I'm standing here and all and I just got back. Attention! Give me attention!" So the sending letters thing will only occur in Sydney not Tasmania. Oh! When I get back I'm sure to show you some of my lovely drawings/sketchings :)

Well goodbye blogosphere! I shall leave you now but fear not for I shall return!

Graduation.

5 years.

5 years it took. From the very first day, wandering around in the midst of people larger than me, feeling quite tiny even for my above average height, to this day. 20th November. This was a good day.

We were children. It seemed so weird going from year 7, top of the food chain in Primary school, to being the bottom and realising that suddenly you were in a pool that you had to swim in when you didn't know how but you needed to learn. The worst part was this was the shallow end, but were blissfully unaware of how deep it gets. How much work and effort is involved in that last year. In that last month. Those 5 years. Those 5 years are to acclimatise you to the final 5 exams. I learnt to swim. I learned to float. I learned to freestyle through to the very end, proud, victorious, happy, content.

I finished exams with a smile. I sat and wrote and wrote. I was the only person I knew who seemed content with all their exams. Though arduous and dificult it was to study and concentrate for so long- it was fun when it was only 3 hours from being over, the same time you pick up that pen hoping that it works (hoping that ALL the pens work)

I haven't truly, PROPERLY celebrated my freedom since exams finished. I wish to start soon. Tomorrow. Exams ended just over a week ago but highschool is now FULLY OVER!

I have grown. As a person, as a student, and physically. In all senses of the word I am now the giant. 5 years ago I looked up at the giants in their leavers jackets and never stopped to think about what it would be like that moment it all ended. That time has come and now I am that giant. I am that man who towers above the newcomers, the one who gets to dispense advise and wisdom I KNOW the little 12 year olds will only ignore because they haven't quite adjusted to the idea that they are small fry. Everything is a matter of perspective and children rarely manage to see just how small they are until they have grown.

Over a hundred former students of Duncraig got to look up and see each one of their classmates photos meld from year 8 to present. We got to see ourselves age in a matter of seconds. Many laughs were had, many embarrassed moments were shown, many different phases of hair were shown. Some hairstyles changed colour or shape each year, others just got larger and larger, some were really short to begin with- something none of us could remember- then suddenly, BOOM! The huge hair we are all familiar with. We have changed. We all have. We are definitely giants now.

I don't remember mine but I was told my hair started small then got larger, then smaller, then larger, then I had a beard then it was present with long hair and beard. I don't remember much as I stood there waiting for my diploma. Standing at the stairs to the stage where all the students and their parents would see me take the coveted piece of paper saying that I endured and SUCCEEDED at those 5 years, I remembered to tell myself fear was irrational, a creation of the mind. I'm walking up, I'm getting a piece of paper. This is all. No fear is needed.

My name is called and I remember walking up those stairs. The next thing I remember is trying to hug the principal as a joke, something I had come to previously when waiting near someone. "Oh you should do the moonwalk!" he said to someone else. "Nah, nah!" "You should hug the principal" I said. "That's a great idea! No, I can't do it you do it!" "OK!" So I decided, this is what I will do. I take my diploma and pose for a photo while shaking his hand. I turn to him and hold out my arms expectantly. He tells me to walk down the stairs now. "Hug me." (Pause) OK I know he's not going to. I leave the stage and the audience's laughter follows as they realise I just got rejected. Always got something to do differently. I always get my laugh one way or another.

I also don't remember the short sentences they said about my future ambitions and goals that we had to write down on a form. But I was told that it included going to Scottland and New Zealand to make films. Lorna found that very sweet that I had put down Scottland as a future place of residence.

The ceremony dragged on at times but in the end it was worth it. I've got a yearbook, I've got a few new memories, I've got another story to tell, I've got a new pair of shoes. I still don't know how to wear a tie but I'm sure one day I'll learn. I didn't get top media student for year 12, but that's OK. I only was beaten by a very small amount and it was great to compete with Jacob. He is my rival. If anyone had to beat me I'm glad it was him. He truly is incredibly talented and it was absolutely awesome to be the man he always aimed to beat and vice versa.

Who knows what the future holds? Nothing is certain after all, but some things can be held to be more probable. Highschool will most definitely not be the greatest years of my life. I won't let it. I will continue to enjoy life more and more. I will always find a way to look at something just slightly different to everyone. I will always enjoy life. I will achieve everything I can. I wish the best for all the ambitions of all my friends. Shane, who dreams of becoming employed by Google or Blizzard, has a great chance of achieving this and it would be absolutely awesome if he achieved it. Blizzard and Google are definitely the best of the best in their fields and it will be hard, but I know he can get there. Just like I know I can make those films I want.

I can do nearly anything. Afterall, I am now a giant.

Cubed is not 3 Times

I finished my mocks a while ago I just never got round to blogging about it because Combat Arms is addictively fun (Death Room, 3v3, good close range weapon = I own. When there's a limited amount of people the strategy becomes predictable so I know where everyone is all the time. I rock. You don't know what I'm saying...) Anyhoo, (I don't put punctuation like full stops when sentences end in brackets because I don't know what I'm doing) I have got my results back! Would you like to hear them?
Of course you would!
Physics: %61 (same as last semester)
Chemistry: %65 (improvement)
English Lit: %72 (72 on each essay. Consistent much? Hell yeah.)
Drama: I don't remember but I think it was... %59?
Applic: %32 (or %33...)
That's it.

That's it? But... surely you wrote some funny/stupid answers in some of your exams right? You ALWAYS do this!

Oh fine seeing as you all asked (You totally did) I shall tell you!

Drama: Well, do you ever have the sudden urge when you've got 30 minutes left on the clock that, although you've pretty much given up and you're scrounging for that extra few marks just to make sure you'll pass, that your essay needs to contain the word "Flesh"? I know I did. Unfortunately after racking my brains for a bit and writing a few more sentences I couldn't really think of a way to incorporate the word "flesh" into an essay about the characterisation of Quick in scene 70 of Cloudstreet (Quick Drama students! Look up the scene to see to which one I am referring to!) as easy as you'd think it would be... Well I settled on "fleshy". I was quite proud after that. Then I also drew a picture of Pac Man trying to hang himself but he hasn't got a neck so it doesn't really work. I wrote a caption saying something along the lines of "What happens when Pac Man wants to commit suicide by hanging himself?" and then when I got my exam back my epic teacher Mr G had drawn a ghost and wrote "and does he turn into a ghost?". Lol.

Physics: Oh the ultimate of superfluous questions did reside upon the paper of this cursed exam! It asked us for our opinion. It asked us if we thought that landing on Mars (or the Moon) was worthwhile. We get 1 mark for why. That was all. We get a mark for practically any answer we gave (except Nish, who wrote "Yes. For scientific purposes" and somehow got it wrong. That is the only REAL REASON to EVER go to the Moon or Mars and she got it WRONG! What the hell?) and so it wasn't really related to either theory or practical aspects of Physics. It was pointless filler.

I dug into it and wrote as much as I possibly could just to get that one mark and tell the markers how much they have failed at life for having had this question in the exam.

"This is more political/personal than theory or physics. It shouldn't be in this exam. I think from the point of view of scientific achievement: Yes. It means we have advanced to the point where we are capable of doing this. It shows someone learnt something from highschool physics and cared enough to continue doing it. This question should be worth more for something so pointless. I wrote a lot."

Yes. I demand that I get extra marks for something I don't even believe should exist on the paper! (That's just how I roll...dun na na na... oh yeah.)

English Lit: Only one. Well it was in my essay about Medea (Woo! Child killing psycho b*** FTW) and I talked about how her infanticide was a shocking act that would be looked down upon in both ancient greek and moden society.... except in the case of me. "...except for me because I'm cold and soulless." I got a comment saying "you should exclude from saying this, it needs justification." Well my justification was that you can't generalise about the population or society so I'm the guy who goes "BAHA! Owned!". I'm not really I swear! And for some reason the font keeps getting smaller and I need to fix it...

Chemistry: Nah, nothing wrong with that exam. Did quite well.... yeah I'm disapointed too. Nah just kidding I remember now I did have one stupid answer which I knew was wrong. OK it was to discover the molecular formula of a Chlorofluorocarbon (CFC's- you know, those things that destroy the Ozone layer but are absolutely harmless to the human body and so you can drink them? Yeah. I hate them too.) OK when doing carbon chains there can only be 4 bonds OK. So the outer C's have 3 extra non-C's and the middle C's have 2 non-C's because they bond to C's on either end. Got it? OK well I made my formula C3F3Cl6. This is not possible because that's an extra Cl. But I had to draw this but I couldn't. I went through my working twice and couldn't find my mistake (The working worked except for the fact that I had forgotten the extra Cl in the emperical formula mass so in the end... in other words I should've got 2 instead of 3 Carbons). So in the end I drew C3F3Cl5 and then a Cl walking away going "screw you guys". To which I completely agree, screw you C3F3Cl5! You're so stupid! I hate you... I hope you hate it too.

Applic: Where to begin!? Oh I had an entire hour left to get 9 marks just to get a minimum of 50 marks if I get %100 for what I had answered. OK NO ONE get's %100 for what they write let alone me so from the beginning I knew I was going to fail. This means I get to draw some pretty pictures!

One question had an entire page to work it out. I didn't know how to. I drew a hug landscape of mountains and cliffs that led down to this unknowingly huge ravine. Three little people were on it. The first one was at the top cliff going "Suddenly knowing simulatenous equations becomes pointless and insignificant compared to the grand wonder of GOING OUTSIDE!" (which is true. Terrible hurty burny sun over simultaneous equations any day) The next one was lower down saying "Help. I can't get up I'm stuck here." (There was no connection between opposite facing cliffs) and then one guy is down the bottom looking completely screwed saying "You got problems! I'm right down the bottom!"

A turned a linear and a curved graph into the Opera House with little people going to visit it.

I wrote (instead of answering the question) to something I completely didn't understand: "Have you ever wondered who updates Transperth's Twitter page? I mean surely they don't get a robot to do it. How do you even get the job? Do you have to show a portfolio of tweets? No I will not answer the question! I'm giving you some entertainment while you mark!" to which the teacher replied "Marking is never boring" (but she later admitted it was) and "Interesting point." My point is indeed very interesting! I can tell right now you are very fascinated indeed. Here have a berry. You recieved Weppa Berry. Put Weppa Berry in your berry pocket.

Hehe... anyhoo.

Oh yes! There was one I somehow got marks on where as NO ONE ELSE in the school did :) OK it started off with a box-plot showing a spread of IQ's from 80 to 120 (Woo! I've got higher than that spread. Oh yeah) and then proceeded to ask questions like "What is the probability that selecting a score out of this will be below 120?" Well... 1... "What's the probability it will be from 110 to 129"... Huh? You CAN'T have it OUTSIDE the range! Then it continued to ask impossible things. OK every previous time I have sat down and thought "this isn't right, this is impossible" it doesn't mean I've intelligently discovered something... it means I just don't understand it. Well after the third question asking for impossible answers I had underlined and circled the values in the questions and pointed out "THE RANGE ONLY GOES TO 120!!!" and then circle the box plot multiple times going "120! 120! AGHH!!!" then wrote "It's not possible but the questions keep asking for it! This normally means my logic is wrong but IT'S RIGHT THERE!". I started getting a bit aggravated and drew someone screaming and crying their eyes out going "AAGGHHH!!!!" and a frame by frame animation of a man beating his head against the wall till it bled.

I got marks for that which no one else did. I'm happy.

I'm sure there were others I just don't remember them.

Just before exams the person overlooking (they have a proper name title thing I just don't know it... nor do I care) us all makes sure our individual exams are complete by going "Turn to page 1, the cover" (...) "You shall see the instruction of the paper. Turn to page two. It starts with (few words) ends with (few words)" and thus repeats. She was the least knowledgable person about maths in the entire room. Cubed does not mean "times three" and she refered to all the non-alphabetical characters as "weird symbol". Oh well, I suppose you can't be too picky when choosing people to babysit us and make sure we don't cheat. It's not like she can actually help us during the exam.

Mocks (Advertising Works)

OK let's start with the short bit. Advertising works.

It does! You totally think that all those hundreds of images you're bombarded with every day affects your descisions at all but no, it does. Perhaps a long speach on how advertising gets into our brains and manipulates us is in order? No. No I just want to talk about DVD's I got recently... Keeping Mum and In Bruges. Why did I get these out recently? Because I had seen a poster for them... years ago. I remember seeing Keeping Mum being reviewed on what used to be my favourite show (The Movie Show on SBS... before it got cancelled. Yeah... nothing says "You're not different to every one else" like "my favourite show got cancelled.") back when it came out about 2 years ago. I remembered two pieces of information about it: Someone kills people and Rowan Atkinson is in it so it was a comedy. So it never really was one of those films you think "OK I want to go see next week!" it was just there. It wasn't even just there, I barely remembered it ever but when I saw it I decided that I knew OF it so I should watch it. Hmmm. Not convincing enough that advertising works? OK how about In Bruges. Released early last year. I didn't even know what it was called until AFTER I had picked it up, decided I wanted to rent it, handed it to my mother to get her approval beforehand (she gets to decide what I get to watch and apparently anything MA15+ needs tight scrutiny before I can JUST get her to say yes) and she had allowed me to get it... Yeah. Guess what I knew about it beforehand? Nothing. I hadn't even read the back, I hadn't done anything but picked it up and recognised the cover. I remember last year turning through the pages of the TV guide and seeing it advertised and it having good reviews and that was enough. You just need to KNOW of something and when you see it later you'll think perhaps you should get that something? Yeah, I say a review on the case saying "the two funniest hitmen since Pulp Fiction" and that also gives you a link to intice you. It works. After that I knew I definitely wanted to watch this film. THEN after my mother had approved it I read the back to find out why the man on the front was holding an icecream and a gun.

So yeah. Just need that one little thing put there in your mind and suddenly the product becomes so much more appealing. I also rented Juno. It was epicly awesome and not outrageous or over the top to be funny. It was brilliant and had just the right tone and feel to it to have those random lines that seem like normal dialogue just stick out and you laugh at them. They're funny. The character of Juno is pretty cool.

Wonderful short movie review there.

Anyhoo, English Lit mock exam! Agghhh? Nien Agghhh!

I spent so much time studying Chemistry and Physics and thought "It's OK... my Lit exam is on Monday but I don't need to start studying until the weekend..." And little did I know that it was actually Saturday already. Damn, I thought I had an extra day. So I spent ALL of Sunday reviewing notes, rereading things and going over things again and again thinking "It's OK. I don't need to tackle the poetry section until later..." So you can see the line of procrastination here can you? I read notes on poems without reading the poems themselves. Thankfully my exam started in the evening so I had time to study beforehand. I get up, go on computer, and play Combat Arms online for an hour and a half. Well you know I haven't exceded my download limits for Off Peak so the morning is the only time I can play OK? I am allowed to play a video game instead of studying for my imminent exam! You know why I'm allowed to play a video game and spend the 20 minutes before the exam reading the poems I had "prepared" again and again and again?

Because I rock!

BAM!

Guess how it went? Come on, guess. Say it right now... to... the screen...

It could not have gone...

...and BETTER!!! XD I honestly OWNED (as in PWNED as in "showed a high level of skill in defeating or outdoing the average level of talent required to accomplish something") that exam. I have never written so much in my life before! OK one of the consistent and common feedback topics I get for my in class essays is that they are too short. Yeah I sit and write... then see that every one has written more... and there will always be pauses and thinking "OK what next? Hmm... can I really say that? Is it relevant?" and stuff like that. So you know I aim to get PAST the page and a half mark because at least then it's not TOO short. So 2 full pages is pretty good. Recently I got onto... wait for it... PAGE 3!!! :O And I was like "WHOA!" and even wrote it "PG3!!!" and underlined it and every thing it was great. That was amasing.

What's even more amasing was how I wrote an entire essay (and even got ONTO PAGE 3!!!) in 40 minutes. Then wrote another in 60 minutes... (ALSO got to PAGE 3!!!) which left with an hour and 20 minutes to do a final essay. OK basically I'm feeling quite epic that I've managed to write two essays longer than I ever would normally in less time than I normally have so I'm on a roll. I write 2 and a half pages of my final essay in an hour... and pause to do maths as I wonder how much on average I have written and what a third of 7 thirds is and what that means in terms of page space... then decided that a) it wasn't a good use of time b) was impossible to do in my head because I hate maths c) doesn't matter, I still had a lot to go.

OK remember that I'm on my 3rd page and it has lots of exclamation marks and a little arrow pointing to it say "Hell yeah!". Oh and... then my pen stops working... Whhhaaaa? Don't worry I've got 4 more. 4 more that... DON'T WORK!? I try them all twice even the one I was using before and then thankfuly I realised that it just needed to be written with at a certain angle because it was dodgy.

OK I keep writing thinking that this essay, if giving time, could just go on and on and on and not lose it's flow and still have more topics to bring up when it happens... the never EVER before achieved... mystical, mysterious... breath taking... PAGE 4!!!!

Booyah. Page 4. I kept writing and decided that because I had not much time left I'd just finish off... with 5 minutes to spare. To sit there with the biggest smile on my face not doing anything because I had finished 3 of the most epic essays I'd ever written in my life. Everyone else was busy writing away... and I had never been so happy about the outcome of an exam before.

Monday was a very good day :)

Exams are going great.

They are bound to get worse.