Well... what now?

So I finished my degrees. I finished multiple degrees. I did it and I didn't even stress over how difficult my last assignments were (probably because they weren't that difficult). See, a year ago I was completing the final practical element of my film degree and that was so utterly stressful and painful that, after 36 hours awake straight, I collapsed and became an inanimate object for quite some time. This time... not so much. There was no big hump to get over, no giant final hurdle to overcome. When you've got no other commitments and all you have to do is write essays then all there is really is the steady approach. It wasn't an end of semester sprint so much as a long distance jog.

See, that's some fancy metaphorical prose all up in this blog post thanks to my handy English and Creative Writing degree skillz yo. Word.

I did a first year unit in my fourth and final year and that probably contributed to my relaxed last semester ever. It was simple. 800-1000 word essays? Bite sized! I spent about a dozen hours studying for that final exam. It felt like some cruel twist of irony (read: not really irony but whatever) to be doing a unit for beginners to finish off. I stood in the abandoned ampitheatre next to the carpark afterwards and had a moment of preemptive longing for the place I would soon say goodbye to for potentially forever. It didn't seem like I had done enough there, like there was just something more I should do before my final farewell. This was it. I had grown accustomed to the idea that I simply was a student. I liked the feel of it. I liked the aesthetic of trousers, casual shoes, a satchel over shoulder, and the love of 11:30am starts. There was a structure and order to being a student but also (as long as it was the first 10 weeks of semester) a sense of freedom. I could do whatever I wanted as long as I got everything in on time and I did just that. It was a truly saddening feeling to look around speechless at the grass before me and marvel at it like it was somehow special to be there here and now for the last time. I decided to go on a little nostalgic walk around campus for a bit while the sun lowered in the sky just so I could see all the familiar sights again...

I stopped and sat in the back of the old Hill Lecture Theatre... the familiar lecture theatre for film students of all years. I remember sitting down there in my very first semester writing out notes on a notebook long before I invested in a handy laptop. So young, so ready to learn about what I needed to work in my dream job of film.

I looked at the tiny lecture theatre one last time, sighed, and left. I went home a new person, a non-student...

...of course then I came back two days later and the day after that because I had agreed to do film work. I will come back to film a few Second Chance Theatre plays. I actually will see Murdoch a few more times at least before graduation and probably will come back many times afterwards. I basically had this emotional farewell for nothing.

But now I am just a non-student. I am no longer blessed with the wonder of a structured life with a simple schedule. There's no need to be at a certain place at a certain time for X amount of hours because I don't have a job... all I have is a bunch of skills and memories...

And these two hands.

These two hands are all I need from my body and persistence and determination is all I need from my mind. I am a creative person. I do creative things and for quite a while things held me back; excuses I made up about being too busy with University so if I was working on projects then I wouldn't be working on assignments or doing my readings... so I just ended up not doing either a lot of the time. But now I don't have an excuse. There was no big stressful finish point to collapse over so there's no need to spend a few days doing nothing to recover. I am without reason nor hindrance to be better.

What do I now? Well, I make great things. I have been writing every day since I finished and I know that hasn't been long but I will make sure it is every day for quite some time to come. I want to get published. I want people to read my work and be entertained. I want you to fall in love with people who are not real and miss places you have never been to...

There are ideas in my mind, unfinished novels on the harddrives of my computers, thousands of words upon thousands of words describing complex people, stories that go fantastic places, stories that go nowhere but will after I put the effort in to make them work, and so much potential to be amazing.

I have two degrees. I will not let them go to waste, job or not.

Graduation.

5 years.

5 years it took. From the very first day, wandering around in the midst of people larger than me, feeling quite tiny even for my above average height, to this day. 20th November. This was a good day.

We were children. It seemed so weird going from year 7, top of the food chain in Primary school, to being the bottom and realising that suddenly you were in a pool that you had to swim in when you didn't know how but you needed to learn. The worst part was this was the shallow end, but were blissfully unaware of how deep it gets. How much work and effort is involved in that last year. In that last month. Those 5 years. Those 5 years are to acclimatise you to the final 5 exams. I learnt to swim. I learned to float. I learned to freestyle through to the very end, proud, victorious, happy, content.

I finished exams with a smile. I sat and wrote and wrote. I was the only person I knew who seemed content with all their exams. Though arduous and dificult it was to study and concentrate for so long- it was fun when it was only 3 hours from being over, the same time you pick up that pen hoping that it works (hoping that ALL the pens work)

I haven't truly, PROPERLY celebrated my freedom since exams finished. I wish to start soon. Tomorrow. Exams ended just over a week ago but highschool is now FULLY OVER!

I have grown. As a person, as a student, and physically. In all senses of the word I am now the giant. 5 years ago I looked up at the giants in their leavers jackets and never stopped to think about what it would be like that moment it all ended. That time has come and now I am that giant. I am that man who towers above the newcomers, the one who gets to dispense advise and wisdom I KNOW the little 12 year olds will only ignore because they haven't quite adjusted to the idea that they are small fry. Everything is a matter of perspective and children rarely manage to see just how small they are until they have grown.

Over a hundred former students of Duncraig got to look up and see each one of their classmates photos meld from year 8 to present. We got to see ourselves age in a matter of seconds. Many laughs were had, many embarrassed moments were shown, many different phases of hair were shown. Some hairstyles changed colour or shape each year, others just got larger and larger, some were really short to begin with- something none of us could remember- then suddenly, BOOM! The huge hair we are all familiar with. We have changed. We all have. We are definitely giants now.

I don't remember mine but I was told my hair started small then got larger, then smaller, then larger, then I had a beard then it was present with long hair and beard. I don't remember much as I stood there waiting for my diploma. Standing at the stairs to the stage where all the students and their parents would see me take the coveted piece of paper saying that I endured and SUCCEEDED at those 5 years, I remembered to tell myself fear was irrational, a creation of the mind. I'm walking up, I'm getting a piece of paper. This is all. No fear is needed.

My name is called and I remember walking up those stairs. The next thing I remember is trying to hug the principal as a joke, something I had come to previously when waiting near someone. "Oh you should do the moonwalk!" he said to someone else. "Nah, nah!" "You should hug the principal" I said. "That's a great idea! No, I can't do it you do it!" "OK!" So I decided, this is what I will do. I take my diploma and pose for a photo while shaking his hand. I turn to him and hold out my arms expectantly. He tells me to walk down the stairs now. "Hug me." (Pause) OK I know he's not going to. I leave the stage and the audience's laughter follows as they realise I just got rejected. Always got something to do differently. I always get my laugh one way or another.

I also don't remember the short sentences they said about my future ambitions and goals that we had to write down on a form. But I was told that it included going to Scottland and New Zealand to make films. Lorna found that very sweet that I had put down Scottland as a future place of residence.

The ceremony dragged on at times but in the end it was worth it. I've got a yearbook, I've got a few new memories, I've got another story to tell, I've got a new pair of shoes. I still don't know how to wear a tie but I'm sure one day I'll learn. I didn't get top media student for year 12, but that's OK. I only was beaten by a very small amount and it was great to compete with Jacob. He is my rival. If anyone had to beat me I'm glad it was him. He truly is incredibly talented and it was absolutely awesome to be the man he always aimed to beat and vice versa.

Who knows what the future holds? Nothing is certain after all, but some things can be held to be more probable. Highschool will most definitely not be the greatest years of my life. I won't let it. I will continue to enjoy life more and more. I will always find a way to look at something just slightly different to everyone. I will always enjoy life. I will achieve everything I can. I wish the best for all the ambitions of all my friends. Shane, who dreams of becoming employed by Google or Blizzard, has a great chance of achieving this and it would be absolutely awesome if he achieved it. Blizzard and Google are definitely the best of the best in their fields and it will be hard, but I know he can get there. Just like I know I can make those films I want.

I can do nearly anything. Afterall, I am now a giant.