Hi There Christmas! Come on in?

Ohhai! I actually got back a week ago and haven't blogged about it. Odd huh? Weeeelll I could go on about how awesome my holiday was with lots of pictures to go with it but it's CHRISTMAS! I can't be bothered with holiday blog on... a... holiday? No I'm going to tell you about Christmas instead! It's not over yet but I don't think much will happen in the next 4 hours so it's b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blogging time!

Bam.

Your mind has been blown. (Did you enjoy it? $5. Sorry OK just had that innapropriate joke in my mind for a while and a blog that few people read, especially not my family, seemed the appropriate medium. Ahem.) We have a tradition of not opening presents until everyone is awake and ready which means basically every Christmas we need to wait for my father to get out of bed. Yeah it's meant to be the teenager who sleeps in past 10 but no. No we started opening presents at quarter to 12 this year (it gets progressively later each year) and guess what? My brother got... something... whatever it was it was rectangular. OK and I got... a card with money in it! OK no let's rewind a bit, I'm much more excited by the events leading up to Christmas instead...

It all starts with Jesus. OK maybe too far back. OK friend decides to have a Christmas party on the 23rd! I'm invited at the last minute and Lorna too. That's fine I never plan anything more than a few days in advance (Just like my good ol' rolemodel, fictional character and hopeless depressed loner, Rick. Bonus cookie points for guessing the reference!) but there's a secret santa thing going on. I'm great at the secret bit! Terrible at the Santa bit. OK oddly enough present giving has not been the most major of things in my household... we do not get our siblings or parents gifts. The parents give us two things a year. I have honestly only bought personally 3 gifts in my entire life. They are as follows: Lorna's Christmas present 2008, Lorna's 18th Birthday present and Lorna's Christmas present 2009. See a pattern? Good. If you can see you are not blind (and thus have not eaten 1.5kg of sugar in one hit) so yeah thankfully the host dropped by (with her boyfriend... actually he was the one who dropped by to look at my computer, she just came along) and told me to give away one of my random possessions I haven't touched in years. This was after she rummaged around a little and touched some of my stuff... and resisted the urge to clean (I hate it whenever I have a girl walk into my room they instantly respond with "OMG!.... I must CLEAN THIS!!!" Do you think you're saving me from something!? What does having my stuff in draws where I can't see it do me!? WHY!!!) I also discovered that my computer currently doesn't have the capability to utilise two monitors simultaneously which I'm quite disapointed about. I need a convertor apparently. Oh well, they're cheap. Well it was party time soon...

You know the great thing about this Christmas Eve was I got to see Lorna. I was going to see her that day anyway but the way things turned out was great. Sorry for spoiling how the story goes but I'm skipping ahead to the party where my plans changed from going round to Lorna's at 12 to waking up at 10 and going to Lorna "hey want breakfast?"

WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTT!!!! (I hear you say)

To which her response was "not right now, I'm tired." (SURPRISE! Bet you didn't see her rejecting breakfast at 10am coming... quite a shocker.)

I am so happy right now. But I feel like going backwards and trying (poorly) to give this story some form of linear form. You know what? Screw linear styled blog posts! Let's have a random story now: one day my brother went to a park and decided to feed some ducks. He got too close and one felt threatened so ran at him. My brother being scared of a small toothless bird that people shoot for fun decided to run away, thus erasing any guise of dominance over the angry bird. As he ran away screaming in utter terror at this common semi-water bird he tripped and fractured his foot. Many people laughed at him at school afterwards when I told them it was from a duck. Let us all now laugh at his pain once again during this Merry season!!

So yeah, back to explaining how I totally got to sleep with Lorna. Think you know how this story goes? You're opinion is wrong! I bet you're all having the wrong ideas here! I bet you think this is a totally teenagery male sorta blog about me going "HELL YEAH I GOT LAID! LET ME BRAG ABOUT IT!" but you're wrong! I'm just not telling you everything because I want to give you some suspense while I blog about this. Let's all take bets to see how innocence or dirty the night really was and a seperate bet on the amount of alcohol involved at this party!

You know what was involved at this party? Cats. They weren't even the hosts cats. No one saw the real cat but we saw other random cats. One jumped on the table and ate the dip. It also tried to eat some cookies. I kept shooing (shooing? It's really spelt like that?) it away in the hope it'd leave the food on the outside table alone. It did. It came inside instead. Oddly enough it let people pat it and pick it up it just didn't like me for some reason. Lorna didn't know too many people so I had to stay by her side almost every moment of the party which I didn't mind at all :) I was not too close with a lot of the guests and new the ones Lorna did better so it worked out fine. Up until we started playing Sing Star and I did terrible. After some Sing Star Lorna and I decided that outside would be less noisy/less embarrassingly tone deaf. Talking ensued with people we knew.

OK that part of the story wasn't too interesting ("Skip to the sex! Skip to the sex!" Whoa calm down you dirty dirty blog reader! Jumping to conclusions and demanding I reveal things in an ungentlemanly manner. I'm blogging here, and you as a reader should have the kind grace to not expect a kiss and tell session of my truly overwhelmingly sexy exploits. Now silence! I am blogging!) but some part of it will be. I got a fluffy hamster toy! See? Exciting! Yeah that was my secret Santa gift that I got. It was from Jack. Real secret when his girlfriend comes up to you and goes "Oh you got Jack's present!" Thankfully no one knew who my present was from except me and the two people who told me to bring it. It was terribly cheap and pathetic. Second hand too! I really didn't have time to get a gift... and the one I gave was actually worth more money than I had on me ($1.55) so unfortunate yes but unavoidable. Don't judge me!

The party went until 11:30 which for a teenager really isn't that late but it's late enough that my mother had already gone to bed a few hours previous and hence couldn't pick me up because it was a major inconvenience. Thankfully I used the same logic on my mother to tell her that Lorna's parents couldn't pick her up either (which was true) but then say that it would also be inconvenient to have to drop Lorna at her home at all. (Side note, Shane gave us a lift home) So then I somehow (quite surprisingly) then got my mother to agree to let Lorna stay at our house. Yay! That is so awesome/unexpected!

Of course my dad was still awake when we got home and we slept in seperate beds. Yeah were you expecting a tale of a saucy sexual encounter? How perverted. Shame on you! I just wanted to tell you the story of how absolutely awesome it was to spend 24 hours straight with Lorna. I woke up on Christmas eve, walked down the hall and saw that Lorna had already gotten up. She hadn't done much though so we sat (yes, sat) and talked. Had a discussion about who would have a shower first then lied down and had a nap. The day didn't technically start properly until 1pm so it was a nice nap. I occasionally would tell Lorna she needed to get/wake up but she was being very lazy and for good reason. Getting up meant not lying down with me next to her. It was very very sweet and nice... and innocent... lying there. Not moving. It's fun. Everyone knows lying there not doing anything is fun but lying there not doing anything with someone lying next to you participating in the nothingness makes it a lot more fun! From now on whenever I lie around and not do things it'll be a social event (but exclusive though. I can't just lie around doing nothing with anyone, it'd be bad for my reputation. I need to do something if I'm going to be with a bunch of people. What will the neighbours think? What will bloggers think?) So you know I gave you all that suspense and made you think dirty things (well... poorly attempted to) and it was just about lying down for a few hours with someone special on the day before Christmas. Not the most thrilling of reading but I personally was very happy and still am happy. It was better than Christmas itself!

Now to Christmas itself! I didn't get any presents (especially not from SANTA!) from my family. Instead my parents gave me money (why we had to wait until dad got up so I could get a card and $40 I don't know) and then my aunt, uncle and grandparents gave me money also. The only people who did get me a present was Lorna and her family. You see I'm becoming accepted as one of their own... I get presents! Only took 19 months (which coincidentaly was the 25th of December when our relationship turned 19 months old) to get physical gifts. I got (from Lorna) The I.T. Crowd seasons 1 AND 2 on DVD! (Because they didn't have them on VHS...) Which is totally AWESOME! It was just what I wanted! (How did she know? It's almost as if she doesn't just check her emails more once a year!) So I spent my Christmas afternoon (after saying goodbye to family) watching most of Season 1 and going "Bahahaha! I'm getting more of these jokes than anyone else in the room! Bahahahaha! OMG A PAC MAN LEVEL 256 T-SHIRT! I WANT ONE!" Seriously though... my mother thought it was weird I recognised that Roy's shirt was of level 256 of Pac-man. (Billy Mitchell is a LEGEND! But David Race owned you! World record for fastest is always better than first. More bonus cookie points!) Is it really not common knowledge about the split-screen glitch in the simple binary programming system of 80's arcade games that prevents someone from progressing any further in the game? It is a simple problem with programming things to have never ending levels based on a byte! It only goes up to 255 which is why the Missingo cheat occured in the original pokemon games. The game stores 151 max pokemon data but then theres 104 more free spaces in which data can be stored and.... oh right... yes, where was I?

Yes well I also got a bag full of gifts from her sister and parents. They got me Braveheart on DVD (FINALLY! I rented it but it was scratched in the penultimate scene so they're pulling the ropes and torturing the guy in front of a huge crowd and then they let him down and they go "the prisoner wants to speak!" and he's barely able to speak and they lean closer.... and then it freezes... AGGHHH!!! Come on! That's his epic final words!!!) along with a book of many Garfield comics. Oh yes, they also got me deoderant and shower gel. I wonder what that was meant to imply... Thankfully it wasn't shaving cream or aftershave! Because I would've been offended. I like my beard. No one else I know my age has one.

Well we all know what I want for Christmas next year now!

http://www.errorwear.com/shirt-pacman.php

I also got a few envelopes with cards in them. I enjoy getting envelopes and always carried some around with me in Sydney... may think I'm weird but you never know when you need to mail something!

I wonder what next Christmas will be like. Fun I hope. I hope you all enjoyed your Christmases today too! Merry Christmas.

I sleep now. I had to actually get up and move around today before 1pm! Gasp! So I'm tired now.

Christmas :)

It's christmas in 2 hours.

Damn you Santa you've never brought me a single present from the day I was born! (....709 years ago...) OK I'll get to that later but first:

It's christmas. Can't believe an entire year has gone by since last Christmas.... feels longer than a year. Last Christmas I was sitting there with one idea in my head and this year I have the same damn idea only changed slightly. Not going to tell you what it is but it makes me smile :) An entire year! Well it's been great hasn't it? I love this year it's a very nice year :D The very first day I woke up feeling estatic and I know for a fact that I shall fall asleep on the very last day of this year feeling even better and wake up the next day knowing that the year to come holds so much for me...

... JUST NOT PRESENTS FROM SANTA!

I need to wake up in 11 hours from now. That might happen... or not. Who knows? I strangely have never been incredibly enthusiastic about Christmas (maybe because of Santa? Yeah, guess what? I'm not going to leave cookies out for you either you fat son of a b***) I am such a boring child (really old child) aren't I? (Oh man so many people will probably hurt me for insulting their lord and master Santa) Christmas isn't that interesting and this Christmas is the only time anyone outside of my family has ever gotten me a present and this is the first time I've gotten anyone a present too. I managed to find exactly what that person wanted so I'm happy :) I also don't like Christmas that much because of all my annoying cousins.... I think I've mentioned this all before in a post somewhere in www.ramblingsofcornflakes.blogspot.com so screw that.

Santa Claus....

... You sir, (You sir!) have visted every single house in the western world except for mine... (Why is Australia considered part of the western world? It's more east than Africa!) AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!? Come on I haven't done anything bad this year except set fire to those orphans! (But they were throwing rocks and big people with knives so I decided that rocks + knives + orphans = reasonable excuse to set fire to something) I know I'm good enough for Santa to give me presents... it's just that there's always been something missing in my childhood that stopped me from getting presents from him...

... my mother always said he wasn't real....

Yep. My mother refused to ever let me believe in anything mythical. I remember when I was 5 and people would mention what they ask Santa for and I wanted to know why I never got anything from Santa so my mother just goes "He's not real." Oh come on! You don't tell a 5 year old that! Then I tried to explain to her why she was wrong... and she was just like "No, their parents just sneak the presents in late at night and write "From Santa" on them. If they've seen Santa that was just their father dressed up."

Strangely enough my peers were not open to this suggestion of explaining things and I was told that I was stupid. Santa is so real! Either my mother is lying to me or the entire year one student body was lying to me.... rule one of being a little kid: Parents don't know anything. Even if they say that Pokemon aren't real they're most likely wrong and have no idea what they're talking about. Therefore a random 5 year old who would tease me for being fat is far more reliable than my mother and SANTA IS REAL! SANTA IS REAL!

WHY SANTA WHY!? (Suddenly, during his driving test to get his P plates he suddenly remembers the repressed memories of all the depression and anguish of feeling like he didn't succeed in being a good person all those years that Santa never gave him anything and breaks down in mid gear change and breaks down.... just before the car breaks apart as it hits a tree)

I never got that extra present that appeared overnight... when it was easter I got hot cross buns instead of easter eggs hidden around the house and garden (not that it really matters considering that I don't actually eat chocolate anyway) and whenever I lost a tooth and put it underneath my pillow I woke up the next morning to find that it was still there!! Come on I got paid 50cents a week. An extra dollar for a tooth is too much to ask!?

Yes... truly a traumatic childhood.

Hey what's also traumatic is taking a lot of pictures of christmas lights only to come home and realise they're all blurred. Oh well. My camera completely sucks and if there's any movement at all then it'll blur. I can adjust the exposure so some of the photos I took look like they were taken during the day but can't adjust the shutter speed (unfortunately if I adjusted the shutter speed to compensate for the movement then I'd need to adjust the exposure up even more than previously to get the same image only the camera can't do that either so it's kinda really bad...) Yes it's incredibly traumatic I'm thinking about breaking down and crying right now because of it :P (haha one day I really will break down and cry and no one will take me seriously)

SANTA! I shall find you! (As a kid I thought of ways to capture Santa and the Easter Bunny.... I don't know why... I just felt like leaving traps for them.... poison cookies or something. I am evil)

You cannot hide... I know where you live!..... the north pole! (which by the way, does not exist on google earth... that's right... global warming has destroyed Santa's home... he has now moved to Canada) or... Canada as I just said... curse you parenthisis or.... however you spell it....

Goodnight one and all :)