Saturday, February 28, 2009


"Why are we stopping? Do you smell something?"
"Rar! I'm a dinosaur!"
"What do you smell?"

Dinosaurs are very large and very dead creatures from a land before time (Littlefoot!) and hence cannot harm you in any way..... Unless.... They travel FORWARD IN TIME!!! OH NOES! (Oh noes indeeds!) And all of a sudden the streets are filled with a range of terrible lizards the world has not witnessed since 65 million years ago and nothing you do can stop them! (Except for maybe... I don't know... SHOOT them!?) So what are you going to do now that the world is inhabited by life sized versions of your plastic dinosaur toys? Run and hide of course! It's the end of the world and only someone who likes killing endangered species can help!


They (using thier super-powered minds of pure evil) will transform their whaling ships into killer giant robots that will hunt down your pesky T-rexes and Stegasaurus's (which are herbivores but are still kinda deadly if you go near them) and harpoon them! (Get ready for some HARPOON! HARPOON! HARPOON! action! action! ACTION!) BAM! We suddenly don't care that they're comitting genocide because it's helping us live! (yay! life!) But what happens when Japan has a thousand dead corpses of dinosaurs and several billion dollars worth of harpooning weaponry left? Well it's simple... we bring back the mammaths and harpoon them instead! YEAH! (or alternatively melt the harpoons down and turn them into medical equipment... you know... the sane thing to do....) So now we've got a thousand dead dinosaurs and a thousand dead mammaths and a very rich Japanese harpoon salesman who is sitting there going "mwahahaha!" (What's the Japanese translation of maniacal laughter? Answer: Maniacal laughter is universal. No matter where you go, everyone will think you're crazy :P) and the world is safe once again....

...except from terrorism... maybe we should just harpoon the mountains in the middle east and see if we catch anything? Hmm... that might be considered reckless, irresponsible and downright retarded....

For more dinosaurs:

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Multiples of 5

If you are reading this... I am dead.

And if you believed that then you're a bloody idiot! How could I type if I'm dead? (besides the obvious fact that I'm a 709 year old vampire :P Soon to be 710! That sucks I won't stop being a teenager until 2020!) No. No I am not in fact dead (although I'm dead inside... my humour is a way of compensating for the fact that there's a great big hole in my heart the shape of a tissue box....) but until the end of year 12 I might as well be... I can't wait until after year 12. I can sit at home and write my novel. My great and cool novel with destruction and immortals and things THAT DON'T SHINE IN THE SUNLIGHT! Nothing menancing looks like it's covered in glitter dammit! NOTHING! (You put glitter on Hitler and suddenly everyone thinks he's harmless and hugs him! Rar! Hug the shiny furher!) So my bad guys are going to be smart and actually menancing.

I signed up for deviantart yesterday... I can't upload anything because it won't let me... (however will I upload my emo manga fan art!?) so I've gone off and drawn absolutely nothing since this has happened! (How ironic that deviantart was the death of my drawings?) Maybe I'll become a nun... (what has that got to do with anything!?) I don't know but I just feel like I need to be doing something else. Something productive.... something that isn't homework (It COULD be the solution to this problem, after all, I am meant to do it afterall... But I'm not doing it and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I have yet to see a connection...) Maybe it's because I'm not writing a novel or haven't made a film in ages... Hmmm.

Maybe I just MISS EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!? OK if you're not currently living in Perth and going to my school 5 days a week I am probably not currently talking to you that often. This sucks. Where the hell is everyone? Never ever get to talk to anyone online anymore... (you know who you are! Even though you don't actually read this blog! And those who do you also know who you are! Hello! I miss you! What happened to your phone!? Batteries? Or did you just hang up on me because I'm boring and weird?) so there's the fact that I'm swimming in a pool of crushing loneliness! (and apathy and meloncholy and melodrama and downright whingyness :P) You know, all give me attention because I'm so much more important than everyone else... you just don't understand me... (Yes I got a pamphlet about depression recently and turns out... I'm fine. GASP! OH MY GOSH!) So I'm being very cruel and mocking whining people... am I? No.

OK! Moving on. I'm going to get a bunch of those cool green laser pointers (so much better than red ones) and point them at rocks... and see if I can melt the rocks. Then get the molten rock and fling it at passing people to horribly burn and scold them.

I never said I was a nice person. (Maybe THAT'S why everyone who can run away has stopped logging on! :P Of course it makes sense now!)

I know someone who always laughs when you say the sentence "Drowning puppies and burning orphans" so you know... she's evil. More evil than me maybe? No. I'm the one burning orphans she's just the one laughing at it (Like I said I'm dead inside.) and like I've mentioned in previous posts THAT'S JUST NOT FUNNY! I am very cruel to orphans sometimes... It's terrible! I only do it to test the limitations of sadism and appreciation of dark humour in humankind (and I am disapointed in every single one of y-CHILDREN WITHOUT BALLOONS! Oh if you laughed at that -which is unlikely- then you're evil. Children like balloons... they like them a lot...) and turns out a lot of us are very very sadistic (as proven by Happy Tree Friends) We all laugh at slapstick humour (three stooges, half the gags in Happy Gilmore...) which is basically going "haha now you're in pain." and Don Hertzfeldt just takes what you think is right gets rid of it and goes "This is not right this does not make sense this is cruel. Laugh." And we do! Happy Tree Friends is the sort of thing that you laugh at but you feel bad for doing so because it's so damn EVIL! (And sometimes it just crosses the line...)

The ability to laugh is one of the greatest evils of mankind people! COME ON!

Multiples of 5. They're pretty easy to tell. Anything that ends with a 0 or 5. There. You learn something... AND IT WAS MATHS! (DUN DUN DUN!) Mwahahaha! I taught you maths! I'm more evil then you could have EVER IMAGINED! (Now to fling lava at you.)

This stopped making sense a long time ago... goodnight...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Side Notes.

Note: Whenever words like "international" or "cross-country" are used in relation to phone calls from a mobile it is a good idea to limit the length of said phone calls...

(In jokes are rude :P)

When describing things that happen when no one's looking it's best to be specific unless people don't get what you're talking about... and not be too specific unless they just don't care. (Sorry Grace...)

You're only as horrible as the person next to you laughing at what you just said.

Sunlight is never a good thing.... ever....

Special Note: Homework is essential. Pointless blogs are merely distractions and should be avoided...

Special Note: Listen to self more often.

Always ask what's been on your mind for the past month not what's been on your mind the past second.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009



I am a hard working individual who enjoys working with people. I have a habit of crying to people on MSN when I’m really smiling. I also like cheese and mushrooms and will work for those instead of money. I want to work for your company because I wish to become one of the proletariat in my fight against the communist reign by joining your capitalist regime.


- 2008: Duncraig Senior High School
Year 11

SUBJECTS: T-Shirt Design

None so far


- July 2007: Media Frenzy course
Murdoch University
Organisers: Honour students at Murdoch

POSITION: Media Frenzy participant

I volunteered at the local insane asylum for a few years. I went around with the patients interacting with them although I was free to leave at any point in time I swear.


- 2008: Top Media student for year 11 (2008)


- Media; film and television
- Reading and writing
- Music
- Photography


- Friendly
- Reliable
- Cooperative
- Absolutely Insane

None. They all died…

Do you think I'll get a job? :) I'm hopeful...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I am made of epicness... No that's a lie I've made of carbon 12 and water. (Duuhh... idiot.) What is made of epicness (Epicness's molecular mass is 0. No number is epic enough for the element of epicness, nor does gravity affect truly epic objects. If you are touching the ground you cannot be made of pure epic.) is Lano and Woodley. They are awesome! They're awesowonderilliant! Yes, they are... That word basically is more awesome than awesome (and thus should be reserved for truly awesome things) and I plan on one day coining it as a real word in the dictionary. No joke! I shall one day make that world real you have my word! I have bet my friends that I could do so (well I said "I bet you this..." they just didn't say they agree back so I just assumed their unimpressed looks meant they completely agreed with me :) That's definitely what their words and actions signified I'm sure of it!) So my goal is simple: Publish a book or movie in which the word is used in context to allow people to use it further on in life. If Burgess can invent Nadsat I can invent my own slang term of Awesowonderilliant! (I also want to coin the slang term "Littlings" for children or newcomers in the lower years of a school. It's the last year of school for me and it's just so amusing to see all the little year 8's wandering around following each other because they think that somehow the person they're following knows more than them when really they don't... and I can't help but go "Oh look! Littlings are lost!" :P Yes... They're so LITTLE! Like... miniature people to the extreme... so they are now "Littlings" :) There. For those nerds out there; yes, it was inspired by the Jedi term for small children padawans "Younglings" so there's the daily piece of nerd references for you all) So you better all go round using that word! I want to be remembered as the person who coined it! Just like EVERYONE knows that John E. Wall coined the term "Cryptid" in 1983! (ISC Newsletter... although I didn't actually know that until I looked it up... yeah I'm not so nerdy to know where words were coined and when I'm just nerdy enough to know what words were coined recently by people.) Because absolutely EVERYONE knows THAT! (Who doesn't!? Not you for sure you just read it! If you've forgotten already you're kinda stupid or not paying much -iknowwhereyoulive- attention)

My next goal is to create a wikipedia article completely researched and written by me that doesn't get deleted. You see, as childish and amusing normal wikipedian vandalism is ("Oil is a black sticky substance that tastes like chicken..." or "Another example of an optical illusion would be this page. It's not really here and it's an illusion. Woooooooo" or my absolute favourite - although not my own - "THIS PAGE DOES NOT EXIST! THIS PAGE DOES NOT EXIST! YOU CANNOT DELETE IT BECAUSE IT DOES NOT EXIST! IT DOES NOT NEED CITATIONS BECAUSE IT DOES NOT EXIST! THIS PAGE DOES NOT EXIST!" which... unfortunately no longer exists...) there gets to a point where every immature idiot who thinks he's funny (ME! ME! ME! :D) decides that editing wikipedia to say that people who lived in the 18th century were actually superman just isn't that funny anymore and now that they've got banned indefinitely they just can't be bothered making another false account to continue their idiotic antics... (I've got banned twice! :P) But you see why vandalise wikipedia with such obviously stupid nonsense as random incoherent or absurdist-styled sentences when you can create something more subtle? Why not make seemingly legitimate contributions that really just aren't real at all? I'm going to try and edit a few articles and see if I can get something to stay on there... you see, not many people have faith in Wikipedia's authenticity or educational value or even how factually accurate it is but if you ever stop and try to edit something that isn't true into it you'll see just how hard it is for someone to make something that isn't true on there. I've tried so many times to put things on there I've failed so many times... but this time I'm going to be really ingenious and evil. I'm actually going to create references, put things into categories, structure it perfectly and I'm going to do everything that is required to create an article...

It's just all going to be lies :) Very well constructed lies! I'm going to test the boundries of Wikipedia's intelligence and scrutiny and I am going to create the best darn fake article ever! I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to put in it but I know it can be done! For you see there was an article once written that was so genuinely well done and complex that it nearly passed off as real! It was about a historic battle or something and even had a reference to a certain day with a name or something and it was all very well done! It was later found out not to be real but they preserved it anyway in a special page somewhere in the Wikiverse (HUGE big mass of text that only those learned in the special coding of the PHP programming language and can use either the MySQL or PostgreSQL relational database management system can eventually decipher and track down... Like Brion Vibber... or just go to google and type in "Wikipedia Nonsense Page") full of things that administrators needed to clean up but thought were good enough to keep somewhere. Yes, there is a page of things that were too good to permanently delete. This gave me inspiration for this idea that has taken me nearly two years to formulate and I am still thinking over some details but trust me... I shall soon find a way to do as I wish! Mwahahahahahaha! (I'm what's wrong with Wikipedia!.... Sorta!)

Here's the link to things you desperately want to read but didn't know existed! (Because they don't exist!)

And here's the link to things you're glad you're smart enough not to try!,_really,_really_stupid_article_ideas_that_you_really,_really,_really_should_not_create

Maybe I can involve the word "Awesowonderilliant" into wikipedia somehow... maybe wiktionary instead? Hmm... I dream of one day learning how to edit wiktionary... :)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

First Day of School

Last year of school...

...First day of pain...

OK first off, woot I have the same english teacher for the 4th year in a row this year so I'm extremely happy about that :D Anyhoo... public transport. It's made of evil and combined with a bit of sadism with the added danger of there being absolutely no seatbelts! (Buses are just waiting to kill you... the drivers are jittery to suddenly brake and break you) I remember first day of highschool... missed the bus and spent ages trying to get home. Ended up being driven home by one of the teachers.

Fifth year of highschool and you'd think public transport would be fine by now but no. No public transport will never be fine and I am going to buy a car as soon as I can (first I need a job...) so I no longer need to be a slave to the evil overlord known as Transperth. (Curse you fiend! Curse those who dare to allow me to get to places on time! How dare you transport me to places I wish to go to!) OK. First day back I'm walking to the bus and nothing seems out of place...

... until before I get to the underpass (that goes under the incredibly incredibly busy road that the bus goes along) I see my bus driving past. I have to run as fast as I can up the rest of the hill, through the underpass, and up to the busstop. Unfortunately I'm not an olympic sprinter so this task was physically impossible. OK now I'm really annoyed. I've missed my bus and it's up to 45 minutes to the next one and it's over 30 degrees and I'm thirsty. I decide that walking back to school for a bit won't hurt. I get there, have a drink, wander around, speak with the media teacher ect then slowly make my way back to the busstop. At this point in time my two broken shoes are starting to annoy me (one had a gash in it so every step would annoy my foot whereas the other shoe just had broken shoelaces so it was falling apart...) but it doesn't matter... then I go under the underpass, up to the busstop...

... and before I get there I see my bus driving straight past me! MY SECOND BUS! AGGHHH!!!! I had JUST missed it by 5-10 seconds so I litterally yell quite loudly at it "NOOO! BLOODY HELL YOU SON OF A B***! F***! F***! F***! BAS*******!!!!!" (yes children.... I use expletives :P and my list of rude words is quite large.... I even occasionally use shakespearean insults...)

OK, descision: SCREW waiting another 45 minutes or more for a 3rd bus I'm going to walk home... alllllll the way down Marmion and past Whitfords...

... in the boiling heat and extreme sun....

.... with no sunscreen or anything and the inability to tan...

... with broken shoes.....

... and I've been walking around all day so I'm tired as hell....

OK! Down the road we go! Strangely enough who would've thought that walking down a road that takes you 10-15 minutes to get to school along at 80 kilometres per hour would take a long time to walk along? Hahaha not me! Because I'm and idiot! A complete and total idiot!

An hour later, still walking an in so much pain everywhere and constantly swearing under my breath and verbally announcing just how much I hate everything... I realise that if I had waited for that 3rd bus I'd most likely be at home or nearly at home by now... GREAT!!! OK I finally get to the library and I'm like "Yes! Yes!" I trundle in and find the drink fountain that (on any other day) would be far too freezing to drink too much from but it's bloody hot and who cares if it's freezing as anything? That's a good thing! Yaaayyy!!!....

.... now just another 20 minutes of walking and I'm home...

*deep breathe as I ease my way off the bench I had found outside the library*

Must... Kill... Everything....

Then after walking for about... an hour and a half I finally have made it home! Yay! Freedom! A place to sit down! AGH I'M SUNBURNT!!! My arms are bright red and all hurty... hurty not good... I'm on fire and it's uncomfortably hot....

... at least I don't have to walk anywhere :)