Radio and Sound

University is coming to an end for the year. My goodness, scary is it not? I'm going to have SO MANY MONTHS OFF! Even longer between semesters than mid-semester break! How will I survive unless I find employment? Oh please Video Ezy choose the super-uber-awesome-film student to fill that position of yours, I really have nothing to do between semesters...

Let's not go on about that.

Radio and sound! Nice 1st year unit for those who want to get into radio later in life. Because of it's MCC### unit code that means it does not involve an exam (that's a lie, I have an MCC### unit that HAS AN EXAM! WHAT!? WHAT BETRAYAL IS THIS!?) but instead a test during the final week. Pretty simple, for Journalism it was worth pretty much as much as an exam would be only you didn't get time off to study for it. Also, it was pretty easy.

Speaking of pretty easy, the test for Radio and Sound was INCREDIBLY easy (and actually worth a surprisingly small amount). Yeah, you're probably thinking "Yeah, I get it you read the book once through and then understood it all so it was easy..."

No that's not it at all. Let me tell you how easy this test was... this test was not for University students, it was for highschool students. The comprehension was so simple the questions might as well have been "restate the 2nd paragraph" and "restate the final paragraph word for word." That is not how you write a test for the end of the year!

Just to stress my point... the test was so easy that anyone could sit down and take the test and still feel like they could've passed it even if they did not study the unit or take it at all.

Which is good seeing as I don't take that unit.

Yeah! Seeing as the days of silly test and exam answers are over because my exams ACTUALLY MATTER ALL OF THEM what with going towards my degree (that I desperately need to prove I actually DID something for 3 years) I have to find a new outlet for being an idiot.

So I sat in a lecture theatre and did a test I didn't have to for a unit I don't do. Fun right? I thought it was fun.

I stood around outside as people gathered to talk just before they did their test. I would go up to some of them and go "Man, I have NOT studied at all! I bet I'm going to fail... I haven't even listened to half the lectures." And it was quite amusing when you get genuine responses about your completely false concern... Then Sam-ham (the ma'am from Man......... durah) had to always interject with "YOU DON'T DO THIS UNIT!" (Thanks for telling them the TRUTH) That too was amusing because quite a few people thought I did... even the lecturer thinks I do. You see back when I was dumb enough to go to my Journalism lectures in the morning -which I could skip - on Monday's only to hang around for 4 and a half hours doing very little before my next class, I'd walk around and some of my friends do Radio and Sound so I would follow them into their tiny lecture theatre and draw while the lecturer talked about the British influence on the Australian broadcast media etc. I even stayed back to talk with the lecturer about things, giving him the illusion that I was a student eager to learn/a student who cared.

So I sit down, ready to take this test and I'm like "I'm just going to write nonsense on it for a joke... maybe some pictures." It starts and I put my real first name down out of habit... wait... DAMNIT! OK, better think of a fake last name... Knox........ no that's stupid... Knoxville! OK, pretty stupid but then again, I don't take this unit it'll be ok. But I couldn't just write random gibberish! It was multiple choice the first two answers! So I was like "hell, I can totally get this right... I'm going to tick the correct answer. This is so easy..."

Halfway through: "Man this is so easy I bet I could pass this.... wait... wait a second... I came in here to FAIL this test! Now here I am taking this seriously? But... it's just so easy!"

And that was about the time I wrote a swear word...

Well OK I put asterixes to censor it but you know you get the point. "When is it appropriate to use the dump button?" COME ON! Now that's just begging for me to not take it seriously. Seeing as at that point in time in the test I didn't know what it was (it was mentioned later on, thus explaining it. Don't you just love it when tests answer their own questions in the wording of other questions?) and I wasn't taking it seriously I decided this was the perfect time to say "When the b*** cheats on you with your brother and three other men! She's a whore! Dump her!"

You know, as you do halfway during the last test of the unit for the YEAR.

My list of silly answers was unfortunately very limited, I did really have very little room to work with. I was tempted to write "Chuck Norris" once but then figured out the answer. Yeah, I only answered like an idiot if I didn't know the answer...

Though in one it asked you a simple question of ethics where you had the phone number of the mother of a boy who has gone missing and your options are a) don't call the number b) call and REQUEST an interview c) Call and ask her questions, secretly record it and then later broadcast it on your show. Well the answer is obviously B (SEE HOW DAMN EASY THIS IS!?) then it asked you to justify your answer so I went "Because not even trying is not doing your job but if you're going to do something illegal you shouldn't broadcast evidence that you did it on the radio, sure do illegal things but be discrete if you're going to do it." Good advice.

Then I handed it in and left feeling that I could actually pass it despite not actually doing the unit... Though looking back I should've really done more. Like for example I came up with writing "...this isn't the biology test..." at the end of it. But alas, too late! Oh well, perhaps next year there'll be some test I can gate crash?

Well, we'll find out next year...

"This isn't veterinary science... this isn't veterinary science at all..."

How to Fail your Drivers Test (In Under 15 Minutes)

Dearest random reader from Slovenia, let me tell you about the epic task of getting one's driving license in Australia.

First, you pass a written test, then when you're 16 you get your Learners (Or L's) then you learn, then you take a practical test, then you drive around even more as a Learner, then you take your Hazard Perception test to get your P's (Or... What does P stand for? Who knows? Nothing probably...) then you drive around for a few years before they actually go "Yeah, after about 5 years we're going to give you a proper license." Which is actually a stupid order to things when you think about it. You see, if only they gave you the Hazard Perception Test BEFORE the Practical Test then you wouldn't fail nearly as much because you'd have to actually understand how the road works before you take your test . That way you wouldn't get cute 17 year old girls cutting me off at roundabouts... and then failing their test 5 minutes in.

Ha! An amateur mistake! Double lane roundabouts are bound to stuff up first time test takers no matter how experienced they are at driving!

...that's what happened to me the first time I failed.

Yeah, I failed my drivers test in under 15 minutes last time I tried it back in January. I called up near the end of December thinking I'd get something in February because people always say you need to book months in advance they're always booked. To my surprise I got something in the very start of January. The 3rd or something... 4th? 5th? Well they informed me that I would have to give 48 business hours before the test if I wanted to change or cancel my test which due to the large amounts of public holidays at the end of the year meant I had until.... 5pm to change. It was about 3 at the time. ".....Yeah OK."

Roundabouts... they're evil. They lurk there, waiting for you to enter them, waiting for you to screw up your indicator or not give way to the right... or just barrel straight through them even though they are curved and you need to indicate before changing lanes/you're not meant to change lanes while entering a roundabout...

..that's what I did. *Ahem*

So yes, I did what anyone who failed their drivers test did. I didn't drive for a very long time and when I did I avoided roundabouts.



(No, I am not this bad)

But then I got back on my horse and I got back to driving (which I know I can do, I am fine it's just I completely freaked and mindblanked during the test) and even got a few professional lessons and the teacher was like "OK let's do this... OK you can do that fine, let's do something else... OK you can do this fine too but (insert tiny little bit of advice). OK you don't actually need lessons... one more then book your test."

He even gave me a lesson just beforehand to make sure everything was polished and smoothed over then loaned me the car for the test. As we walk up to the licensing centre I received the weirdest analogy for taking a drivers test ever.

"Take it slow, don't rush it. It's like screwing a woman, if you take it too fast you ejaculate too soon."

....Um.................... thanks..... great thing to hear just before a drivers test.

(Because, there's nothing like a middle aged man talking about premature ejaculation to calm your nerves before a big practical test)

So today it was Take 2: Me vs The Australian Licensing Centre. BRING IT! I drove fine, I never neglected my indicating, my mirror checking, I stopped at every stop sign. Then I was easing out into the middle of an intersection, as you do, and was thinking about going, as you do when there's no oncoming traffic, but there were two people coming up to turn (each quite a bit apart) I wait for the first one, may have started edging forward and- ASSESSOR SLAMS BREAKS! Instant fail - failure to give way to traffic.

WOMAN! Can't you see I was trying to drive? Damnit to hell! I was barely moving you didn't have to hit the breaks!

On the bright side I lasted a whole probably 5 minutes longer than last time (I was still on section one of their little sheet of things to tick and comment shamefully on. I can't think of a proper name for it so let's call it "The Paper of SHAME") but still under 15 minutes.

Then later my mother, quite shocked that her perfectly competent driver of a son failed... again... was driving me around as I was handing out applications (OK I had been driving a good half of the day before my drivers test, I can only drive so much before I want to rest) was all like "What? I don't understand how did you fail your drivers test?" (she says while turning right at a traffic light) to which I reply "What you just did. I did exactly what you just did..."

Then I examined the situation and realised that traffic lights generally have give way sections when turning left and I was turning right, which means the guy coming on that I failed because of SHOULD'VE GIVEN WAY TO ME AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOT AN INSTANT FAIL! DAMNIT! DAMNIT! STUPID FOWL WOMAN THAT DRIVERS LICENSE SHOULD BE MINE!

Then I thought about it some more and realised that there is ONE (ONLY ONE) traffic light intersection in Joondalup where this almost universal rule is excepted and there is an arrow traffic light for those turning left on one side but not the other... so it MIGHT have been THAT. Yeah, I was turning right and there was no arrow. I was put in the most obscure and most difficult situation I could've been and I was caught out on a tiny tiny judgement.

Yep, the basic gist of how to Fail your Drivers Test in Under 15 Minutes is to not drive straight. Any point in time that requires you to stop and then turn is going to be your downfall. Oh yeah, that and I didn't sleep well or eat anything after breakfast and so my test, which was in the afternoon, was done while trying to stay awake. BAD IDEA! Hear me Learner drivers, the world is not straight, it is bent and it is going to eat you alive no matter what you do.

So what do you do about it?

You grab that carbon copy of The Paper of SHAME and scrunch it up (after taking note of the mistake you made last time to make sure you never make it again) and throw it in the bin. You book another damn test and you take it again as soon as you can. You know you can drive, don't get discouraged, you let your ego inflate not deflate.

Failure is something that happens naturally, success is rarely natural it needs to be forced. If someone says you failed, prove them wrong.

Spite and stubbornness. Two of the greatest motivators in the world. Next time I shall succeed, and if I don't I will just try again until I do.

I remember this one line from a movie called Little Man Tate (1991):

"A reasonable man adapts himself to the world around him. An unreasonable man expects to the world to adapt *to* him. Therefore all progress is made by unreasonable men."

That stuck with me, I don't remember any other part of the film except that line. I believe it's quite true. Problems are there for you to step on so you can reach higher, not to drag you down.

Concept(less) Test

Oh no! EXAMS! EXAMS!? Nah, my degree doesn't seem to have real exams, just a little bit of a concept test instead! (Note: I still have exams just ones not relevant to my major...) Well that's OK I guess. So I open up the book that I was meant to have read over the past 14 weeks every week as reccomended and saw that I didn't even need to read all the chapters, or even all of a single chapter. Yes well that's good. First chapter only read a half, second chapter only need to read a half... and so on... Until it gets to World Cinema and history of the development of New Waves around the world, the head figures in different countries, the cultural influence on the content of the cinema, the rise of Hollywood ect. It was about 100 pages to read and the test was... tomorrow. OK! And after that there was even more to read!

Screw that!

Actually, in my bed ridden ill state I found it very interesting. I enjoyed reading about the different cultural influences on the different aspects of French New Wave and Japanese New Wave (As waves generally should never be old, though technically all the "New Wave" stuff happened over 40 years ago at the least.) but I just didn't have the energy to force myself to read all 100 pages nor could I stay awake through it all. With only half the book read through and massive gaps in my memory as to what I had actually read or any ability to recall what "Heurmenuetics" was (or even if that was how you spell it) I braved the major concept test! I wasn't stressed at all even though I hadn't actually managed to review everything that had been told to me in the unit...

Which was good because the test didn't actually have any relation to the unit! You know, just when you were like "Oh, I should've studied more." Martin (the awesomely funny lecturer) decides that it doesn't matter, as he's not entirely sure what he had taught us either so pops in random nonsense! YAY!

Now, in one lecture he mentioned Freudian psychology and his theories in relation to analysing audiences reactions or interactions with films, which makes a bit of sense though most of Freud has limited application to film theory at least that one tidbit of psychology was relevant. Now, in the concept test the whole idea of what was relevant and what wasn't... was completely ignored. Not only did he include many things about Freud but he then included other psychology questions that not only weren't part of Structuralism or Psychodynamics or anything Freud related, but had absolutely 0 relevance to film in it's entirety. Now seeing as I actually do psychological science as a general elective I could answer this bizarre inane question about psychological development of cognitive processes and the identification of the self in infants... Yeah. Exactly. What the hell? I doubt anyone else in the entire lecture theatre understood the question (which was an abismally worded one! The fact that I loath it's structure and explanation of the psychological concept it described fills me with confidence in my ability to do well in my psychology exam) but you know that's not important because at least I look good when people fail.

Then there were questions on films that we hadn't studied so only those who just so happened to have watched Citizen Kane a few times and researched the textual analysis (LIKE ME!) would've been confident/able to knowingly get the question right (it was True/False this one so at least it's not a massive fail for everyone involved.)

Oh and though many people afterwards (and during) were complaining to themselves about how incredibly ridiculous said questions were, or the other questions for that matter. They were ridiculous! I on the other hand was busy thinking to myself how terribly formatted the test was... Seriously, some questions lacked proper spacing on the page! There lacked appropriate designated areas to write responses to the T/F questions! FORMATTING PEOPLE! STRUCTURE! STRUCTURE!

But yes, I did afterwards also agree that the content was the major flaw (because quite frankly, after having to define Romantic Comedies 3 times in bizarre ways, some of which gave you a definition that sounded more like random nonsense than a definition of a film genre, no one really wanted to focus on me complaining about structure... just constant b***ing about ROMANTIC COMEDIES! AGGHHH!).

I do pride myself though on my ability to have answered such nonsensical questions in as intelligent sounding manner as I possibly could! Yes, I came up with very smart responses that had nice big words, were properly structured and really got to the core of the question (whatever the hell the core was).Ah, the elegance of defining the genre of films I've never seen... Like the Road Trip where I talked about the journey towards a place of pyschological or spiritual significance to the party, the events that change the antagonists perception of the importance of the destination and various aspects of their lives and the buddy or friend who is the motivation for the journey or the catalyst for dramatic/comedic action later in the film when they encounter strange people and situations. Yes. So much more intelligent sounding than "A movie where people go on a road trip. They do stuff, generally funny... They make it to their destination a changed person."

So I'm looking forward to seeing just how well I do compared to how warped the test was! Yay!

Now to study for EXAMS! REAL EXAMS! That go for many hours instead of just one and have many questions and essays to write instead of just a few T/F questions and short answers. I should probably study for them between classes instead of blogging while at Uni. Yeah, I'm at Uni now just chilling on some computers, updating my pet rabbits Facebook page I made for her (Panda Moustache Bunny is so cute! Yay! She now has 25 friends!)