Friday, October 23, 2009

Cubed is not 3 Times

I finished my mocks a while ago I just never got round to blogging about it because Combat Arms is addictively fun (Death Room, 3v3, good close range weapon = I own. When there's a limited amount of people the strategy becomes predictable so I know where everyone is all the time. I rock. You don't know what I'm saying...) Anyhoo, (I don't put punctuation like full stops when sentences end in brackets because I don't know what I'm doing) I have got my results back! Would you like to hear them?
Of course you would!
Physics: %61 (same as last semester)
Chemistry: %65 (improvement)
English Lit: %72 (72 on each essay. Consistent much? Hell yeah.)
Drama: I don't remember but I think it was... %59?
Applic: %32 (or %33...)
That's it.

That's it? But... surely you wrote some funny/stupid answers in some of your exams right? You ALWAYS do this!

Oh fine seeing as you all asked (You totally did) I shall tell you!

Drama: Well, do you ever have the sudden urge when you've got 30 minutes left on the clock that, although you've pretty much given up and you're scrounging for that extra few marks just to make sure you'll pass, that your essay needs to contain the word "Flesh"? I know I did. Unfortunately after racking my brains for a bit and writing a few more sentences I couldn't really think of a way to incorporate the word "flesh" into an essay about the characterisation of Quick in scene 70 of Cloudstreet (Qu
ick Drama students! Look up the scene to see to which one I am referring to!) as easy as you'd think it would be... Well I settled on "fleshy". I was quite proud after that. Then I also drew a picture of Pac Man trying to hang himself but he hasn't got a neck so it doesn't really work. I wrote a caption saying something along the lines of "What happens when Pac Man wants to commit suicide by hanging himself?" and then when I got my exam back my epic teacher Mr G had drawn a ghost and wrote "and does he turn into a ghost?". Lol.

Physics: Oh the ultimate of superfluous questions did reside upon the paper of this cursed exam! It asked us for our opinion. It asked us if we thought that landing on Mars (or the Moon) was worthwhile. We get 1 mark for why. That was all. We get a mark for practically any answer we gave (except Nish, who wrote "Yes. For scientific purposes" and somehow got it wrong. That is the only REAL REASON to EVER go to the Moon or Mars and she got it WRONG! What the hell?) and so it wasn't really related to either theory or practical aspects of Physics. It was pointless filler.

I dug into it and wrote as much as I possibly could just to get that one mark and tell the markers how much they have failed at life for having had this question in the exam.

"This is more political/personal than theory or physics. It shouldn't be in this exam. I think from the point of view of scientific achievement: Yes. It means we have advanced to the point where we are capable of doing this. It shows someone learnt something from highschool physics and cared enough to continue doing it. This question should be worth more for something so pointless. I wrote a lot."

Yes. I demand that I get extra marks for something I don't even believe should exist on the paper! (That's just how I roll...dun na na na... oh yeah.)

English Lit: Only one. Well it was in my essay about Medea (Woo! Child killing psycho b*** FTW) and I talked about how her infanticide was a shocking act that would be looked down upon in both ancient greek and moden society.... except in the case of me. "...except for me because I'm cold and soulless." I got a comment saying "you should exclude from saying this, it needs justification." Well my justification was that you can't generalise about the population or society so I'm the guy who goes "BAHA! Owned!". I'm not really I swear! And for some reason the font keeps getting smaller and I need to fix it...

Chemistry: Nah, nothing wrong with that exam. Did quite well.... yeah I'm disapointed too. Nah just kidding I remember now I did have one stupid answer which I knew was wrong. OK it was to discover the molecular formula of a Chlorofluorocarbon (CFC's- you know, those things that destroy the Ozone layer but are absolutely harmless to the human body and so you can drink them? Yeah. I hate them too.) OK when doing carbon chains there can only be 4 bonds OK. So the outer C's have 3 extra non-C's and the middle C's have 2 non-C's because they bond to C's on either end. Got it? OK well I made my formula C3F3Cl6. This is not possible because that's an extra Cl. But I had to draw this but I couldn't. I went through my working twice and couldn't find my mistake (The working worked except for the fact that I had forgotten the extra Cl in the emperical formula mass so in the end... in other words I should've got 2 instead of 3 Carbons). So in the end I drew C3F3Cl5 and then a Cl walking away going "screw you guys". To which I completely agree, screw you C3F3Cl5! You're so stupid! I hate you... I hope you hate it too.

Applic: Where to begin!? Oh I had an entire hour left to get 9 marks just to get a minimum of 50 marks if I get %100 for what I had answered. OK NO ONE get's %100 for what they write let alone me so from the beginning I knew I was going to fail. This means I get to draw some pretty pictures!

One question had an entire page to work it out. I didn't know how to. I drew a hug landscape of mountains and cliffs that led down to this unknowingly huge ravine. Three little people were on it. The first one was at the top cliff going "Suddenly knowing simulatenous equations becomes pointless and insignificant compared to the grand wonder of GOING OUTSIDE!" (which is true. Terrible hurty burny sun over simultaneous equations any day) The next one was lower down saying "Help. I can't get up I'm stuck here." (There was no connection between opposite facing cliffs) and then one guy is down the bottom looking completely screwed saying "You got problems! I'm right down the bottom!"

A turned a linear and a curved graph into the Opera House with little people going to visit it.

I wrote (instead of answering the question) to something I completely didn't understand: "Have you ever wondered who updates Transperth's Twitter page? I mean surely they don't get a robot to do it. How do you even get the job? Do you have to show a portfolio of tweets? No I will not answer the question! I'm giving you some entertainment while you mark!" to which the teacher replied "Marking is never boring" (but she later admitted it was) and "Interesting point." My point is indeed very interesting! I can tell right now you are very fascinated indeed. Here have a berry. You recieved Weppa Berry. Put Weppa Berry in your berry pocket.

Hehe... anyhoo.

Oh yes! There was one I somehow got marks on where as NO ONE ELSE in the school did :) OK it started off with a box-plot showing a spread of IQ's from 80 to 120 (Woo! I've got higher than that spread. Oh yeah) and then proceeded to ask questions like "What is the probability that selecting a score out of this will be below 120?" Well... 1... "What's the probability it will be from 110 to 129"... Huh? You CAN'T have it OUTSIDE the range! Then it continued to ask impossible things. OK every previous time I have sat down and thought "this isn't right, this is impossible" it doesn't mean I've intelligently discovered something... it means I just don't understand it. Well after the third question asking for impossible answers I had underlined and circled the values in the questions and pointed out "THE RANGE ONLY GOES TO 120!!!" and then circle the box plot multiple times going "120! 120! AGHH!!!" then wrote "It's not possible but the questions keep asking for it! This normally means my logic is wrong but IT'S RIGHT THERE!". I started getting a bit aggravated and drew someone screaming and crying their eyes out going "AAGGHHH!!!!" and a frame by frame animation of a man beating his head against the wall till it bled.

I got marks for that which no one else did. I'm happy.

I'm sure there were others I just don't remember them.

Just before exams the person overlooking (they have a proper name title thing I just don't know it... nor do I care) us all makes sure our individual exams are complete by going "Turn to page 1, the cover" (...) "You shall see the instruction of the paper. Turn to page two. It starts with (few words) ends with (few words)" and thus repeats. She was the least knowledgable person about maths in the entire room. Cubed does not mean "times three" and she refered to all the non-alphabetical characters as "weird symbol". Oh well, I suppose you can't be too picky when choosing people to babysit us and make sure we don't cheat. It's not like she can actually help us during the exam.

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