The Torments of Age

You know.... if only the things that happened to the aged would happen to the aged... not me.

OK, I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button recently (very recently. In fact I saw it a few days ago on new years eve) and it was a movie that confronts the audience with the emotions associated with aging. Not only does one of the characters start disliking the fact that she's getting older but to rub it in and make her even more jealous is that Benjamin loses the wrinkles she gains. It was a very depressing movie at times but absolutely brilliant! I actually came close to tearing up (no where near crying though.... takes the death of someone for that...) because I really fear age. It's scary. I try not to think about how I am 16... nearly 17... I've been around for nearly 2 DECADES and I've only started really enjoying my life as much as I like. I've only started dating people... in another 20 years I won't be able to move around and do certain things I would be able to do in my youth. Youth is wasted on the young indeed. I fear getting older and dread the day I turn 40. I've got 20 years left before things start going south in the body department and 50 before they start going in the mind department. Scary to think about how little of my precious time I've used towards getting the career I want or being able to enjoy the prime of my youth because I'm not that fit and it's very depressing....

... so let's move on.... on to the present instead of the future. OK, the thing about age is that it's meant to happen to old people not me. I recently found a grey hair and it was a shock (I've still got the damn thing!) and I went on about how OLD I was becoming and all that. I realise now that a grey hair is irrelevant and not important........ especially not compared to being almost completely deaf!!! Yeah that's right. I may physically appear to be 16 (well actually I look between 18-20 according to lots of people....) but I'm getting rapidly closer to resembling being 709... grrr... but this time having the hearing of a 70 year old man is not natural but by my own hand....

Yeah... and this isn't the first time it's happened before but it's certainly the worst of all the times. OK, you know those cotton tip swab things that people use to clean out their ears? Well, only that people say now you shouldn't use them for that because they can damage your ears (Then why are still around? What do they do!?) and well.... they're right... everytime I've used them recently they have caused me to become deaf. I think this is the third time it's happened and it's taken me this long to realise that shoving things into my ears is a bad thing!!!

Warning: own stupidity and inability to realise that this product is not to be used may result in damage to ears or self-pride.

Now if that was on the label I would..... well, actually, maybe I still would use it! (Stupid warning labels can't boss ME around!) But it wasn't and I still used the stupid things and now I can't hear. I went outside and the trees were blowing in the wind.... the silent wind... As I walked I knew that I should be able to hear clearly my footsteps but I couldn't. I was surrounded by things that should make noise and there was nothing but the peaceful tranquility of nature.... even though the "nature" is just a small patch of sandunes that is surrounded by houses and the sounds of traffic are almost always audible to able-bodied people when walking up and down the dunes. I wanted to listen to music because silence bores me so I get earphones, turn the volume up to absolute maximum (which we all know from experience is very very loud!!) and it was like I was just listening to it at normal volume... maybe even slightly less.... and I don't listen to music that loudly. I've got the speakers going right now (not at max though) and it's barely even at background music levels... I dislike being deaf. Can't hear anyone when they talk to me and I keep thinking whenever I say something I'm being overly loud because I keep going "WHAT!?"

I sure hope this isn't permanent and goes away... my girlfriend talks quite softly and quietly most of the time and it's not easy to hear her when you tower a foot over her... being almost completely deaf will make it dificult to hear her without the aid of the "increase volume" button on the phone :P I view this as a very bad thing....

Hey will I get arthritist next? I've already got back pain and my neck is shot. I know for a fact my eyesight is destined to degrade to the point where I need glasses around the age of 20 to 30 so hey... I guess I'll just start acting old....

Oh no... a FOUR HOUR car ride without a single noise besides the faint hum of passing traffic! I wanted to listen to my favourite cello-metal bands on the way to Augusta but no! If it isn't fixed by then I'll be going there in silence! Why!?