Friday, July 31, 2009

JB Hi-Fi Application

I seriously need a job. Do you think JB Hi-Fi will employ me if I apply like this?

Edited for purposes of replicated on the internetz. Try again stalkers!

Personal Details:
Title: Mr
First Name: Bob
Last Name: Dylan
Date of Birth: 21/03/1299 (unfortunately need to put down 1992 because JB Hi-Fi only employed people who were born in 1940 or "19 41" or later. What's later than "19 41"? Everything?)
Home Address: (It's a house, on a hill)
State: WA

Do you have a current drivers licence? No.
Do you use or have you been known by any other name or alias? Um...... not legally.
Have you ever been convicted or found guilty of a criminal offence? Not yet!
Please list hobbies and interests: Getting blind drunk, rebelling against authority, practical jokes, recreating horror films, saving kittens from trees with my super powers.


Highest level of study you have attained: Year 11
Please indicate your current study load: Pft! Ha! Study? You have to be kidding me...
Please list any relevant licences or certificates that you hold: I am currently holding a bronze swimming certificate. It isn't mine though... but I am holding onto it.

Work Preferences:

Why do you wish to work for JB Hi-Fi?: BECAUSE YOU ROCK! WOOO! YEAH! I need money... please pity me... I love you?
Are you willing to undertake a broad range of tasks as required?: Not likely...
Are you willing to work at various stores as required?: Are you willing to suck my-
Are you willing to transfer interstate: No.
What type of employment would you prefer?: Casual.
Please indicate your working availability: The way you asked that made me so libidmous... mmmm....

Work Experience:

OK I think I'll skip most of this section I don't think it applies to me...

In accordance with OH&S guidelines do you have any disability or medical condition that would affect your ability to undertake the requirements of the job you are applying for?: Well I'm not going to tell you now that you mention you're asking because of how it will affect how I do the job! Geez, try to get to know something personal that isn't relevant for once. My favourite colour is green by the way.
If you have had any previous employment, please complete detai- NO! No I um... "haven't" had any previous employment you need to know about...

Uhhhhhh.... my hot female media teacher!

Mailing List:
Would you like to recieve information including new and special offers from JB Hi-Fi?: Only if you honestly think I gave you my real address!

I hereby declare that the above details are true and I am aware that any false or misleading statements made in the Employment Application could result in instant dismissal, withouot notice, should I be employed. If employed, I agree to abide by the rules, regulations, and policies of the company.

I wonder if they'll call me for an interview... I kinda did apply twice...

Monday, July 20, 2009


Many things in this world are cold. One of them is ice!

Captain Obvious FTW. I've recently got twitter and my favourite person by far that I'm following is Captain Obvious. He says obvious things for humourus effect!

I currently have a cold. It's quite unfair that I would get sick during the school holidays... Except for the fact that school is tomorrow and therefore I'll probably still be sick! Which I guess is a slight bonus for not being able to breath through my nose and being sniffly all the time.

In the meantime I will pass out... and die.

Suddenly: A wild grue appears and eats me. The end.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Well, in the post before last I mentioned that I had gotten a job at the place that my sister was having her 21st. This was true. OK! Origin story time! (Super awesome special explaining blog GO!) Let me tell you about my FIRST DAY AT WORK!

Well the story starts with my mother making plans for my sisters 21st. She then discovers that the owner of the establishment (Tony) is looking for workers. So my brother and I decide to go trailing off over the dunes and past the park to said establishment to barge into the door and say "Hey.... uhhh..... do you want workers?" to which he replied "Yes." There was some more talking about how beneficial being employed is on his end. He basically just seemed to be trying to sell the job to us instead of us trying to convince him we would be the best candidates. Well, my brother started in a week, I had to come back after my exams before he'd give me a day of the week to work. After 5 hours at the resturaunt my brother quits... well he's just whingy and doesn't like doing anything even at home, not really any reflection on the establishment surely...

Anyhoo he had three things for me to do: Shave, tie back my hair, and show up being enthusiastic and energetic.

Well after walking around Curtin University all day with nothing to eat since that apple in the morning that I had to eat on the way to school in the hopes of arriving an hour earlier than normal to catch the school bus to said Uni... and having to sit through 5 lectures (which are surprisingly tiring...) I wasn't the most energetic of people.

Well it was a Thursday afternoon when I started working... I realised that I suck at trying to tie aprons up behind my back and began to learn what to do and how from the two foreign owners. One is from some country beginning with S... the other from Malaysia or Thailand. Neither of them speak English as a first language and it shows... which makes me wonder if they talk to each other in English or do they both know three languages? I may never know.... and have stopped caring.

I spent the next 4 hours washing dishes, preparing little salad things and feeling that if I had any questions I should definitely ask the foreign asian lady (Tony's wife) instead of Tony because she wasn't angry and intimidating... she was impossible to understand besides a few words and a hand signal but she was friendly. Friendly people are my friends. Halfway through I realise why my brother quit. It just wasn't fun and it wasn't the job for me or him.

Well it was a great thing that Tony agreed with those thoughts!

Oh yeah... did I mention? I got freaking fired after 4 hours! You think that's sad, I was originally meant to be there for 5 hours instead. Yeah... there weren't many people so he decided my help wasn't needed nor helpful at all and decided that I could go home early... and not come back... ever... unless I wanted to pay him. (Tough chance! I got your money and I'm not giving it back! Instead, I went out and bought a 14 year old video game called Starcraft!! And it's so awesome I never want to leave the computer... but I must.) Yeah, I got fired... bringing the total amount of time I have been employed in my (710 year) life to a whole 9 hours! The sad thing is he gave me money in notes and said that he had paid me $2 extra... yeah... 4 hours of work and then $2 pity money...

This is (roughly) what he said: You are intelligent, but you are no good. I am a 60 year old man and I can work faster than you, you know? It is no point in me employing you if I can do the same job a lot faster. Watching you is like watching a snail, you make me tired when I watch you. Look at Stacey (random I was working "with") she moves around very fast which is good. You lack initiative. My skills and your skills combined are no good, they do not work out. You should apply for Hungry Jacks or McDonalds instead....

....well guess what? I have applied for BOTH those places and even THEY didn't want me working there! Can I get any more epic failure!? I applied to Hungry Jacks once when my friend TTTSNB told me that they were desperate for workers and would pretty much hire anyone! And I lit up and thought "Oh! That's me!" and rushed off to go fill in an application and think to myself "I can get a job no problem!"... a week later he informs me that they found just those anyone's they were looking for... three asian girls who didn't speak English very well....

I was beaten by people who don't speak English! How does that work!? They kept getting orders wrong! But... but... I have certificates and medals in being smart!

Well it wasn't as bad as the McDonald's interview that went something along the lines of "uuhhh.... ummm.... I... don't know...." (that was me saying that, not the interviewer. It's not like I asked them the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow)

So yeah... I'm currently still unemployed... and still have that $38 in my bank account I've never bothered to try and access... yay...