How to get Lots of Views/Traffic on your Video/Website

Have you ever wondered "how do I get lots of views on my youtube channel?" or "how do I get more hits on my channel?" Well after having had multiple youtube channels and blogs over the years and with the help of Google statistics and keyword optimisers I've discovered a few things about getting easy traffic to a website or video:

Tag it with keywords that everyone searches for... like porn... or Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber sex tape XXX might even get more views. Or something animal related.

I have a video on my youtube channel where I talk about Fanny Hill and 50 Shades of Grey (two pornographic books) and I aptly call it Book Porn. (Found: Here) That gets lots of traffic because it has porn in the title, but it doesn't have many people who watch it for more than a few seconds into it because they realise it isn't porn. Why are you looking up porn on youtube? Are you 14 years old? Porn gets taken down pretty quickly and to find it you'd probably have to search through the millions of videos trying to get easy hits by tagging themselves accordingly.

And don't just scoff at the Justin Bieber thing. I occasionally use a keyword optimiser tool to try and see what I should tag my videos on youtube. Turns out the popular ideas are irrelevant to my video and I never use them but the recurring thing I noticed was regardless of the search criteria one of the most popular results was Justin Bieber (in the millions. Wow, Bieber Fever sure does cause a lot of internet traffic). It was weird because I was searching things like "drunk" and Justin Bieber would be massively popular. Now I'm not sure how those two keywords combine, nor do I want to find out the demographic who is googling that on Youtube whatever...

I find that my blog posts that have nothing to do with porn, as long as they contain that word ONCE in passing, get more traffic. If you ever get to look at what people are Googling to arrive somewhere you'll find that it is sometime the strangest things. My favourites include "whoa dude", (who Googles that?) "bilby harry potter", (how are they related?) "why is porn so homoerotic" (YES! IT SO IS), "pokemon from hell", "networking porn" (how does that work?) and my favourite... my absolute favourite search result which not only makes no sense as a thing someone would google, but confounds and confuses me as to how it directed to my blog as I tried googling it and didn't get me my blog, is...

+save her life +she performs fellatio

...WHAT? That... save her life because she sucks dick? Why the hell are you googling that and what kind of strange situation does this pose where a woman's ability to put a dick in her mouth is the most valid reason why she shouldn't be killed/left to die? That...

So really the lesson here is to just write things in your blog, add in Justin Bieber/Porn/cute kittens/otters somewhere in there and watch the traffic role in from very confused people wondering how they got there and why they should stay...

A Relaxing Night at the Beach

A few nights ago I was stressed so I went down the beach. It was night and so there were barely any people. I thought it'd be a bit odd to see others walking around along the beach like an ordinary day but they were, just no one was swimming. Faintly lit by the glow of the surf life-savers building I sat down in the sand and looked out at the dark ocean. The only thing I could see were the small waves as they broke against the shoreline and retreated into the black that had flashes of lights from what could have been a boat. Above me the clouds parted and the stars shone done brighter than they do when surrounded by the street lights of suburbia. I tried to find orion's belt and couldn't find it until I realised I was looking at the stars the wrong way and suddenly it all made sense.

There was a beautiful sense of serenity and isolation. I was alone with my thoughts and even though people were walking past occasionally they would quickly disappear in the darkness that stretched off into the distance in both directions. There were no distractions of the internet, no funny cat videos that stop me from doing work, no traffic, just the sounds of the waves coming in and out... Alone with the sounds of the surf and my breathing. I lied down between the clumps of seaweed and talked to a friend on the phone about the stars, lasagne, puns, and other such relevant things...

It was relaxing. The stress melted away and I was calm again. My problems no longer seemed insurmountable and torturous. This is how I want to relax in the future. Once I have finished this semester I will have a day of pure relaxation... I'll watch the sun set and then lie on the beach watching the stars until it is late and I am falling asleep. Maybe I'll even walk there... I live close to the beach because I used to go a lot, but now that I can see the ocean from my window I never go there... perhaps I should change that...

The Quest to Change my Desktop Background...

So turns out Windows 7 Starter (which comes on my tiny little Eee ASUS PC) doesn't come with the ability to change the desktop. I found this out the 2nd day of my quest to change the desktop background....

It took a lot of searching through the settings, trying to discover what I could or could not do... searching through the control panel, googling how to do it (which led me to a youtube tutorial for a DIFFERENT model that had more options than mine), searching for system settings, and discovering that I could change the desktop background from generic to "nothing" by clicking the "remove desktop background image" button somewhere deep in the settings...

... WHY IS THERE A REMOVE DESKTOP BACKGROUND IMAGE FUNCTION IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT TO ANYTHING ELSE?

It consumed me. I needed to know. I was in class half paying attention because I kept trying to find a way. I NEEDED TO KNOW.

Then I discovered that you needed to download a whole program specifically designed just for changing desktop backgrounds... so I did. I found it, and after going through the different download links that led to pages with MORE download links, I found the right program and installed it...

Success! After 2 days of searching and Googling I can finally rest knowing that I have successfully changed my desktop background to THIS:

(For those wondering it is of Meekakitty from this video)
(For those wondering where I got the program I used the Personalisation Panel program found: here)

Blogging has Replaced the Diary

Blogging is strange. See, blogging has replaced the culture of a hidden diary. Who out there still has a diary that they keep hidden in a draw to write in from day to day? As the internet becomes more commonplace, physical forms of recorded communication are being replaced. One day there will be no handwritten documents to discover under a bed for an editor to turn into the next diary of Anne Frank. There will only be archives. The archives of different sites copied and pasted into an order based off time codes to show the progression of a person’s life.

People like diaries. Diaries are a way to vent, to express emotion, to communicate. Communicating important events and expressing emotions helps a person psychologically. It is good for us and so a diary is a way of helping the self communicate, sometimes in place of actual human contact. Even if you’ve never kept a written diary you’ve had conversations that serve the same function as a diary.

So in place of a diary we have blogs these days. I like blogging; I’ve been blogging for years. I move from one blogging site to the next, updating them constantly if I can (sorry I have neglected my blogspot, but I will try to write more here). It has got to the point where I’m really comfortable being personal online where a bunch of strangers can see it. This poses a problem because it is blurring the lines between what is personal and what is impersonal... where is the distinction between what I can share to everyone, or what I should take to with only my friends or closest friends? At what point does a post become so personal on Tumblr that I should put a “read more” break so people don’t read it unless they genuinely care? The last year of my life has been a really interesting one, but also not very well documented on here unlike previous years.
I got drunk for the 2nd time this year. There were heartbreaks and joys. There were sleepless nights. There were moments of self doubt. There were stressful weeks where I wished to shut out everything and sleep. There have definitely been times where I needed to reach out to a person and whinge or vent and my blog tempted me with its impersonal audience of strangers... over 400 people on one site... 100 on another... post it here and write a few choice phrases and people will find it on Google looking for answers to their history homework questions (it is weird seeing how google traffic works). I have been known to write long blog posts and boy could I write a doozy of a post on my recent thoughts about who I’d like to be as a person but perhaps that’s not for you...

Do you ever stop to think about how you’re getting attached to your blog? Do you ever stop to think about how much of yourself is divulged?

Perhaps you’re sharing too much... I think we’re starting to live in a culture of sharing. The personal diary has been replaced by an online blog that is theoretically capable of being accessed by billions of people and Facebook allows us to tell hundreds of our “friends” where we are, who we’re with, and what we’re doing every moment of the day or night, and wi-fi and smart phones are ubiquitous.

Me sharing too much isn’t really a problem on this blog... but I’m going to make sure it isn’t on others.