How to get Lots of Views/Traffic on your Video/Website

Have you ever wondered "how do I get lots of views on my youtube channel?" or "how do I get more hits on my channel?" Well after having had multiple youtube channels and blogs over the years and with the help of Google statistics and keyword optimisers I've discovered a few things about getting easy traffic to a website or video:

Tag it with keywords that everyone searches for... like porn... or Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber sex tape XXX might even get more views. Or something animal related.

I have a video on my youtube channel where I talk about Fanny Hill and 50 Shades of Grey (two pornographic books) and I aptly call it Book Porn. (Found: Here) That gets lots of traffic because it has porn in the title, but it doesn't have many people who watch it for more than a few seconds into it because they realise it isn't porn. Why are you looking up porn on youtube? Are you 14 years old? Porn gets taken down pretty quickly and to find it you'd probably have to search through the millions of videos trying to get easy hits by tagging themselves accordingly.

And don't just scoff at the Justin Bieber thing. I occasionally use a keyword optimiser tool to try and see what I should tag my videos on youtube. Turns out the popular ideas are irrelevant to my video and I never use them but the recurring thing I noticed was regardless of the search criteria one of the most popular results was Justin Bieber (in the millions. Wow, Bieber Fever sure does cause a lot of internet traffic). It was weird because I was searching things like "drunk" and Justin Bieber would be massively popular. Now I'm not sure how those two keywords combine, nor do I want to find out the demographic who is googling that on Youtube whatever...

I find that my blog posts that have nothing to do with porn, as long as they contain that word ONCE in passing, get more traffic. If you ever get to look at what people are Googling to arrive somewhere you'll find that it is sometime the strangest things. My favourites include "whoa dude", (who Googles that?) "bilby harry potter", (how are they related?) "why is porn so homoerotic" (YES! IT SO IS), "pokemon from hell", "networking porn" (how does that work?) and my favourite... my absolute favourite search result which not only makes no sense as a thing someone would google, but confounds and confuses me as to how it directed to my blog as I tried googling it and didn't get me my blog, is...

+save her life +she performs fellatio

...WHAT? That... save her life because she sucks dick? Why the hell are you googling that and what kind of strange situation does this pose where a woman's ability to put a dick in her mouth is the most valid reason why she shouldn't be killed/left to die? That...

So really the lesson here is to just write things in your blog, add in Justin Bieber/Porn/cute kittens/otters somewhere in there and watch the traffic role in from very confused people wondering how they got there and why they should stay...

Heterosexual Porn is Gay.

Porn containing at least one many is kinda gay. Porn is so gay and here is why:

Porn is pleasure gained from viewing other men gain pleasure. Simple as that.

What kind of men do we see in porn? Well, creepy, but they are fit. Sure, there is a niche of fat and unattractive men in porn out there but then again there's a bunch of unattractive women too, and if you look hard enough you can find anything in porn you wanted to. It's called Rule 34. That's besides the point. Porn advertises itself with Babe sucks BIG COCKS! She likes GIANT DICK! Quite simply, men do not enjoy seeing unattractive men in their porn. Abs should be hard and the men should have a large penis. Porn stars are all hot guys who work out in gyms and don't have manhoods less than 7 inches long.

A staple of pornography is the blowjob. At some point in time in nearly every porn video that isn't showcasing a specific act, there is a blowjob or two. What do you see during this? A close up of the woman as she performs fellatio. The framing cuts off anything below her neck and only leaves her face and the man's dick. Only one of these things is erotic. There's nothing left of the woman to masturbate to. So what are men jerking off to? They're jerking off to a close up of another man's penis is what they're doing. The man moans, "mmm, yeah babe, suck that cock" he says to inform you that he is enjoying himself and that only urges the viewer on further. Pleasure through watching other men being pleasured.

What happens next? He blows his load all over her face. How on earth is anyone meant to enjoy watching that? Is the objective to climax at the same time? Does it somehow arouse? Somehow a large amount of porn contains a scene that allows the viewer to see another man's semen all over the place. Creampies, bukake, all that sort of ejaculation type things are about masturbating to another guy's semen. That's not even homoerotic subtext, that's just homoerotic getting off to a man's fluids instead of focusing on the woman's breasts.

This is just one guy and a girl. Group sex where the ratio of men to women is more than 1:1 is even more gay. Getting excited over the idea of watching a gang bang is getting excited over seeing a bunch of naked men. Before it was a guy and a girl and you could pretend you're imagining you're him (sure you are, because you love masturbating to your own semen. Convince yourself all you want but in the end you're still masturbating to a close up of someone's dick) but with an extra guy you can't inhabit this fantasy that you are the participant. You are forced to be a sharer of a woman and to ignore the addition of more than one dick in the room mere feet from you, sharing the same orifices. If the idea of multiple naked men in one area getting off together wasn't titillating to a porn audience then it would be scarcer but it's not. There is a bunch of group porn out there so a large amount of guys enjoy watching multiple guys get it out at the same time.

Bukake is just the gayest thing ever besides actual gay sex. See above reason about cumming on people's faces and then jerking to it.

Then there's the infamous ball shot. A guy is taking a girl, maybe from behind, or she's lying down, it doesn't matter as long as he's standing/crouching. The camera goes from behind his buttocks and looks up in between his legs. What is "supposedly" meant to be a close up of a woman's vagina as it gets pounded is actually a close up of a man's scrotum. Her vagina is obscured by his genitals, her buttocks aren't properly in frame but half of his, and maybe even his butt hole, is still in shot. Then there's the awful sound that accompanies it: slap, slap, slap, as his balls flop around. Once again the generic camera angles that are in tons of pornographic videos is all about obscuring, covering up, or ignoring the erotic parts of the woman and focusing on the man's junk and people get off to that. Someone out there actually thought that up as a great addition to heterosexual porn and then everyone copied it. Porn is an industry that tries to meet a demand therefore the consumers of porn must demonstrate in some capacity an enjoyment for this sort of shot. What can we conclude from this?

Men get off to other men's balls in their face.

Porn objectifies women but it also manages to turn them into phallic images. I can't show you any images to show you what I mean because of copyright reasons/I am not going to host pornographic images on this blog regardless of copyright or not. If you so wish, Google Doggy Style POV to see what I mean. A woman's head is down, her arms are folded beneath her to support her, and so all we see from the man's POV is her buttocks and her back. Can you guess what that resembles? That's right, she is now a giant penis. Admittedly this is not as common as the other things mentioned, but still.

How to avoid this homoerotic subtext/text? Well Lesbian porn is technically "gay" porn but let's ignore that. It is a very popular form of pornography for the straight male to consume. It also frequently contains sex toys like vibrators and strap on dildos which serve to force phallic imagery and a sense of male dominance into the sexual act. A woman with a strap on is now taking on the role of a man and men enjoy masturbating to her pretending to have an erection. Not always, but it's there.

The solution is to watch porn that contains solely women and no phallic imagery. Stripteases, webcams, girl on girl action where they engage in oral sex, these are dick free. Watch those.

Or rethink your life a bit and give in... go on... watch gay porn. It's not like you've ever seen a guy's dick be sucked off before and enjoyed it.