Saturday, May 23, 2009

Exams have arrived

Exams are here once again to ruin my life only this time they mean it. To makes things worse I've got the flu. Not the swine or bird or even horse or dog kind (or anything interesting like that at all) just the normal human kind. Generic I know... there's been 14 confirmed cases of Swine Flu in Australia as of tonights news report and they're all in the East. They think they should close some schools down to prevent anyone else from getting it. There's also some severe flooding going on at the Gold Coast and streets have become underwater.

Once again NOTHING INTERESTING EVER HAPPENS IN PERTH! You know it hailed once! It did! Well, actually, twice! It was actually very interesting seeing little balls of ice on the ground :) That's the highlight of being in Perth. It hailed twice as far as I can remember in the past 17 years. You know hail actually is more likely to form during the summer for mid-latitude areas. That's strange.

Anyhoo... I think it's only fair that people get at least two blogs out of me a month (Everyone needs at least two of something from me every month... I've decided you get blog entries because other things are um... taken. Now WHAT did THAT imply I wonder? You may never know!) So I'm going to be talking to you today about all sorts of strange things. What they are I don't even know yet seeing how I'm kinda sick and so I'm making this up as I go... maybe I should talk about exams?

Exams. I'm being examined as to how well I can complete an examination of my skills and knowledge of a variety of subjects. I haven't studied for any of them. I won't do well.

Hey wow that wasn't funny at all! (Unless you love to laugh at my pain. Admit it, you do don't you? You're just reading this and sitting here going "bahahaha you are going to FAIL! Bahahahaha I find pain amusing.") Well I'll just say what everyone's got on their mind right now (even if they don't know it) and say: Metaphysical poetry sucks. There! I said it! It's out in the open and so you can't deny it... we all know it's true. You hate studying it just as much as I do! That's why you (whoever you are) have probably never ever read any! :P

Another thing about exams is that they'll prevent me from seeing my dearest girlfriend on our one year anniversary of being together and such. This is the biggest tragedy for me out of being sick, failing all my exams, and swine flu slowly encroaching on the world ready to kill us all...

I've got a phone now! Anyone wondering what the number is I shall tell you if you ask :) Anyone I haven't told already I may have forgotten about, haven't gotten round to it, or got sidetracked and forgot why I was talking and so talked about muffins... (yeah THAT'S the reason behind the muffins!) OK! Seeing how I don't have much to say I guess I'll tell you all the muffin story (and EVENTUALLY the person this involves will read this and go "haha I remember that! My parents were hell like "wtf?" and wondered who was calling their daughter with such strange messages" because I assume her parents would have been there...) OK! Well you see I decided to call someone up on the telephone (because the two cans connected by a piece of string had been broken by swine flu and terrorism...) and I was quite uncomfortable because I don't like using the phone and there's always the chance that the person I wanted to call wasn't there. They weren't. I was stuck with an answering machine which I don't really like because it's like "oh great now I'm on the spot to record something... Can't have a conversation with an answering machine, can't just say hello, and I don't expect this person to call me back considering it's long distance and I'm not even sure they know my number..." so I'm forced to record something improvised that would be worthwhile listening to. Well "hey ever seen the sun set over the ocean?" isn't very interesting (but actually part of what I wanted to say.) so I instantly forget everything I COULD have said (like "oh hey! I have a PHONE now!") and then somehow remember how I'd left a message on someones phone a few months ago and the word "muffin" sprang to mind. Oh wait! No I remember now. It was their birthday and they were eating a muffin when I called... I think. Pretty sure that was it. OK well with that in mind I said this: "Hey I haven't really got anything to say so I'm going to talk about muffins" (What the hell is there to say about muffins!?) "Hey ever noticed how muffins are kinda like fat nuclear explosions? You know how they're like a mushroom cloud onto the bottom of them is really wide you know?" (of course, it's just the logical thing to continue with) "Yeah so that was your strange answering machine message for today. Bye." Then afterwards I was like "...oh wait no I wanted to call about my phone..." and then thought maybe I'd call back again... then I decided I'd do it tomorrow... now, a few days onwards, I'm blogging about it and still haven't done anything about it.

Hopefully I'll end up calling that person back before they end up reading this blog...

Well that was all from me for now! I've got exams so you won't here from me for 2 weeks but then you're probably going to get yet another blog entry as to what weird answers I wrote down on my exam papers :) Goodbye and try not to get swine flu! Remember, it's already HERE and it's ready to GET YOU! (and ONLY you....)

Friday, May 1, 2009

Job Application

The following is a text copy of the Video Ezy Employment Application Form. I have written in some answers in the hope of getting a job and want you to review my responses and give me feedback about my viability as an employee of Video Ezy. Dawg.

(There's an intro. Screw it. Also, personal information has been slightly edited/excluded for the sake of publishing on the internet.)

NAME: Once you hire me I'll trust you with this information.
D.O.B: March 21st 1299.
Gender: Other.
Address: (Edited out to stop the internet stalkers from finding me)
Suburb: (See Address)
State: Emotional.
P/Code: 696969 (No really I was FORCED to use this when signing up to an online game. It insisted that post codes weren't 4 digits long but 6... um... ok?)
Home No.: 9401 25** (there's just 100 possible combinations there internet stalkers! Have fun!)
Mobile No.: N/A

1. Availability:
Monday: 1pm to 8pm
Teusday: 1pm to 8pm
Wednesday: 1pm to 8pm
Thursday: 1pm to 8pm
Friday: 1pm to 8pm
Saturday: 10amm to 8pm
Sunday: 10am to 8pm
Comments: Going to work during the first 3 hours of my listed time as "available" on weekdays will cause me to miss out on school. I don't care though which is why I want you to give me shifts during those times.

2. Why should you be part of the Video Ezy Team?
Well technically I don't really stand out from anyone else except for in a crowd because of my hair... So I suppose I should be part of the team for the novelty experience of having a ranga in the workplace. It's entertaining for the rest of the staff and might attrack new customers wanting to see something freaky and unusual and just settle for me instead of a movie. I am also far superior to all kinds of invertebrates.

3. What sales, retail or other experience do you have that will benefit Video Ezy?
Well... none really. I once was employed for about 5 hours to count paper at Lincraft!... Individual sheets of paper. Do you think this will come in handy? I'm experienced in other things that people will enjoy but I don't think it's appropriate for a video store...

4. What is the highest level of schooling you have completed? When and where was it completed?
Well I completed Year 11 last year (2008) at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I don't know how I managed that though.

5. Are you currently studying? If yes, please provide details.
I'm studying the art of playing the piano. Is that what the question asked? I'm currently doing year 12 TEE at Duncraig Senior Highschool. I'm not doing too well but please don't tell my mother this.

6. What other completed Qualifications or Certificates do you have?
I have a swimming certificate to prove I can successfully swim 200m freestyle, 100m breaststroke and 100m backstroke! Haven't got one to say I can do CPR though so I hope no one drowns while browsing the Comedy section because that just wouldn't be funny....

7. What experience do you have with computers?
Well I downloaded this application form for one. I also use a computer for emailing. Well I'm good at using editing programs and can type pretty fast. I'm also fluent in Java script as well as Klingon.

8. What hobbies and interests do you have?
Filmmaking, film watching, writing, reading, sex.

9. What are your favourite movies and games?
Movies: The Prestige, Casablanca, Metropolis, The Pursuit of Happyness, 300, Alien, Predator, Shaun of the Dead.
Games: Croc: Legend of the Gobbos, Warcraft 3, Starcraft, Halo, Bubble Bobble, Pokemon games.

10. What are your goals for the future?
Working for Video Ezy! Yay! I also wish to obtain a drivers license, go to university, and get a job as a film director/writer.

11. What transport do you have to get you to work, particulary on nights and weekends?
My legs. Other people's legs too if they're willing to carry me. I also can use a car, bus or bicycle.


The rest is asking for references. Well do you think I'll get the job? I hope I do... it'd be fun to work there :) I really don't like being unemployed. My money reverses are quite low and I still haven't figured out how I'm going to access that $38 in my bank account.