Terrorists use tickle Torture

OK! If you haven't read my previous post then who cares? It's just telling you that I didn't write anything in that post because I lost it all! And before I tell you what I think I wrote I'd just like to mention that my monitor is all screwey and once again (yes, again for those who knew already) it has lost the ability to display red... yep. The 3 primary colours of light are red, green and blue and when you take one of those away it becomes very hard to show many things properly on the screen... so now everything is a weird shade of blue... especially anything that is white it now cyan. Speaking of colours and light... I'VE FINISHED MY EXAMS! (Light is part of physics... physics exam) but I'll mention that later on because otherwise people will come to my house and hurt me (They want me to blog about a certain something) My monitor is also got a loose power cord in the back of it so if I try to fiddle around with it to solve the problem with the colour by adjusting the cords correctly the power goes out and when you keep suddenly connecting it to power then off then on again it starts to make a very unsettling crackling noise....

OK! I uh... pressed a button and everything went weird... OK! Anyhoo, enough of trying to solve my problem of the screen being nothing but weird shades of green and blue (SO MUCH BLUE!) I shall now continue to blog...

OK! Well Friday... (Let's just call it "Friday"... for that be the day that it happened on...) I woke up very early after staying up very late (Which turns out to be later than I thought because my computer's clock is an hour slow... I don't when that happened but it magically fixed itself so my computer has been messing with my head for a while now and I haven't noticed...) and so I had to go do stuff while I waited to go do other stuff... I had a plan for that entire day! And none of it went quite as I wanted it to because.... well.... it didn't. I can't plan the future perfectly merely predict it (I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!) but yeah... first thing I needed to do (Against my will... I think I was promised money... I never got any) was to break up the massive amounts of bamboo in my backyard. You see, although we live in a 3 story mansion with an ocean view and two balconey's ect... the fact that you have several square metres of palm trees and bamboo that are over two stories tall in the way of your ocean view you kinda decide it's time to cut them down... especially when half of it is dead. Well that's simple enough! They're all on the ground now and someone (who is incredibly muscular) needs to help my poor old mother to snap these massive 3-4 metre long bamboo sticks of death into suitable sized pieces to be carried out of the backyard and onto the giant heap of rubbish accumulating on our front yard... (as is the custom here in Australia... No really I'm not lying... we have this bulk rubbish collection thing where we dump our rubbish like old furniture, broken TV's, trees we've cut up but have no where to put, fridges, small children we don't want ect and a big truck comes round, chews it up and compacts it and what happens then who knows!? I don't care! It get's rid of chairs and siblings I don't like! I used to live in a family of 22! There's only 6 of us left including my parents!) So I basically needed to be a sexy lumberjack (Hey ladies! Sorry I'm taken by the world's cutest woman and she'll kick and scream and make sad puppy faces if you take away her Mr Cuddles... yeah everyone else mocks me for that why not let the whole internet know?) and I broke up all those pieces of bamboo... some of them quite violently (I was hyper ok?) and my brother started a conversation about wanting to have a panda. We have lots of bamboo why not make the panda eat it? Well because it would run out very quickly... it be a hungry panda! So I suggested we simply feed it small children who come to trick or treat at our house (which I think I've mentioned doesn't happen anymore... the local children have realised they normally will die if they come to our house on halloween and rarely ever get candy in return...) but unfortunately those would run out quite quickly too... this is really sad... I WANT A PANDA! Panda's are cute! I'm stealing one from the zoo! Just like THIS video!:



yeah you like that... yeah... yeah you do...

It was then decided we weren't getting a panda... and then had to quickly get ready to go to a friends house.... now the great thing about this person is they live in the same suburb as me so shouldn't take long to get to!

... Now the only flaw with that is I don't know what my suburb looks like! And I'm starting to remind myself of someone I know (HELLO! Yeah I know you're reading this... I'm going to point this out to you just for the sake of you reading that one line! Now stop reading, everything that happens after this I've already told you) because they quite simply get around their own suburb either.... we're both very very sheltered.... and dysfunctional... Well anyway, this will be easy! I'll just take a different way than I did last time I went to her house because the other way involves walking a long way then turning a corner and doing a 180 and going along parallel to the way I just walked only backwards and I can't be bothered doing that! So I decided I'd go a different way, one that will cut a bunch of time off my trip which involves finding a path that cuts through these two parallel paths so I don't need to walk as much....

...What happened in reality is I went down a road, realised that it didn't go anywhere so I had to walk all the way back up it, find a different road, also went nowhere, wondered if that was actually indeed the road I wanted so I went down it again, I wandered around until I had NO IDEA where I was and kept making my way back and forth the same roads again and again thinking "OK I'm late... I know I'm late... and my legs hurt..." So yeah... I have lived in this suburb for about... 11 years and I get lost in it after 10 minutes of walking towards something I know where it is! Yeah... I'm a special one I am....

Anyhoo, I got there eventually and then after all that walking guess what we do? We go for a walk with the dog! (Who enjoys urinating.... he is an endless source of liquid... he doesn't stop peeing dammit! After one walk to the beach and back every bit of foliage we encountered no longer had a problem with the drought...) ok that is really fun! I can handle walking some more...

Now I won't tell you what happened during that walk... but everyone we encountered my friend seemed to know (except one guy who I knew...) and a few even asked if I was her boyfriend.... they also wondered if I was 13 :S WHAT!? I HAVE A BEARD! I'm nearly 6 feet tall, have a beard and biceps big enough to pick anyone who isn't obese up! How they thought I could possibly be 13-14 I don't know... but they are stupid... and no I wasn't her boyfriend but the way she was acting you could never tell! (She's a lot more comfortable around me than I am with her..... A LOT more comfortable...) and then we went home...

.... well... I carried her home... well... only a bit of the way but I did it to prove a point... I think... (And I did a very good job of picking her up and carrying her!)

anyhoo.... I wonder how personal this blog is becoming... I don't know... the evil terrorist (which we all know is keeping my hostage and forcing me to blog) told me to blog about friday (on friday) so I am blogging about friday! And speaking of being forced to blog about friday on a friday that's when I was blogging and it all went away... She got me a laptop and told me to blog... and hit me and stuff. She wanted me to blog a really big and long blog before she got back from some other room (I don't know where she went... in fact I have no idea what is actually in her house besides Gilmore Girls DVD's, Books, and a dog that watches me through the glass sliding door...) which we all know is impossible because I can only type so fast! So she hit me a bit..... which sounds pretty terrorist like but no... no this terrorist isn't just violent she has discovered something new! A NEW way to torture me!

...she tickles me....

...I don't know how she discovered I was like a big ball of "GEGGDGJGYIU*SPASM*" but I am... yes... I am a "big ball of "GEGGDGJGYIU*SPASM*" " OK? That's a technical term that is... anyhoo... yeah. One moment she's on msn talking about how gosh darn looking I am (The funny thing is I'm not lying!.... sorta! Well... she didn't really say it like that but it is interpreted as me being attractive in some way..... she... was probably joking :( I feel sad now.... she doesn't honestly think I'm that sexy!... which... is a good thing because I don't want her too :P) and the next moment I'm on the floor spasming like a fish of out water who is being tazered by a very very sadistic little kid who is screaming "BURN FISH BURN! WIGGLE AROUND SOME MORE!"

And then I died....

....nah I'm just kidding with you I didn't die... as much as I would've liked to for a while because I really DON'T like being tickled! It is one of the most absolutely awful sensations that I have ever experienced... I enjoy being electrocuted more than I enjoy being tickled and I know what it feels like to hook yourself up to the 240V main power and FEEL YOUR MUSCLES GET SHOCKED! It is INCREDIBLY unpleasant and PAINFUL being electrocuted... so remember kids... when people tell you don't put anything in the powerpoint or touch exposed wires or whatever the hell it is that might look like it'll hurt.... DON'T TOUCH IT! It's like a kick to the face.... all over your body... anyhoo... yes, uncontrollable spasms and a really really weird tingling sensation all over the body as ten very evil fingers somehow make their way past my flailing arms in my strange attempt to defend myself is not very fun at all... please never talk to me again I hate you and your dog... no! No I'm kidding! I forgive you for tickling me.... a lot... don't do it again....

Terrorists... they use tickle torture now... beware CIA agents and people in Iraq! Your guns will be useless against a very quick terrorist man and his feather duster! Once they get you on the ground and their on you there's nothing you can do but feel them touch you all over!... That sounds so very wrong... as it should be... because who honestly wants to be defending their country from terrorism when all of a sudden a crazy guy with a big beard jumps on you and goes "tickle tickle tickle! oh yes I'm going to touch your armpits with my wiggly fingers!"? That's just bizarre... no.... just no...

I also had to walk around afterwards but thankfully had a very kind offer to drive me home because it was raining :) Thankyou! If only you could've driven me around some more! I had much walking around to do later on in the day but I'm not blogging about that because who really needs to know what I do? Who really needs to know? You? NO! Stop... stalking me loyal fanbase! Grr! I hate you all! All you ever do is... is... appreciate me! And... read what I spent nearly an hour on writing and... and uh... being friendly... grr! It's so maddening and annoying how you laugh at the things I write even though I want some of them to be kinda funny! Bah! Grr! Agh... yes... I literally am making those noises as we speak! I am going "Bah grr agh".... what else do you think a big ball of "GEGGDGJGYIU*SPASM*" is going to do while blogging? I constantly go "bah grr agh" when blogging... I'm a broken record and I eat small children for breakfast...

I BLOGGED! Can I have some bread and water now please? I'm ever so hungry and thirsty....