Saturday, July 13, 2013

A Series of Poor Job Application Attempts

Google search: Where do I buy a job?

Go on Seek > Don't have any search criteria other than in my general location > proceed to scroll down past all the jobs searching for experienced chefs that are also registered nurses with forklift licenses and lots of experience in customer service...

dear random


I want the job

because I have previous experience and I am a well...

...organis...happ... good talk...


I have many qualities

I have... legs

*scrolls down Tumblr for ages*

I think I've been at this for an hour? I haven't applied to anything yet but I've written half an email.

Surprise! I'm here! Give me money?

Message friend: Quick. What's something good about me that's also job related?

Good at socializing.

No, something that's true.

Friendly to people you work with/customers.

No, something that's true.

""If you have good communication skills, could assist another person to develop and maintain new social networks, enjoy working with people and are a good role model in social situations-" Oh f*** I'll be unemployed forever. Ugh.

ONE JOB APPLICATION DONE! WHAT'S NEXT? I can make pizza. But I don't want to shave... suck it up man. Think of the camera gear you could afford if you had a job.

"Dear... you.

I like pizza."

That's relevant for my cover letter yet? Well it's not like I'm going to eat what I make so I could hate it all I care? I hated everything I made at Hungry Jacks so...

Screw it. Send. Send it all.


Funds low. Send job.

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