Saturday, January 16, 2010

With Apologies to Jetstar

The following events started on Tuesday earlier this week. I have yet to get a response from any of the companies involved...

Well have you ever seen a truly awful ad on TV? One that just made you angry at how terrible it was, that is, the seventh time you saw it because all over times weren't memorable enough for you to even know you watched something you should be angry at? Well there's tons of bad ads out there but then there's some that are absolutely astounding in their lack of quality. Well I've had enough and I've decided not to wait until I actually become qualified to work in advertising. I'm going to write to these companies and tell them all the reasons why they did something very very bad that offended me as a viewer (not morally, just as a consumer who wishes to be thouroughly brainwashed properly before consuming things. You don't expect me do to all the work do you?) So surely nothing can go wrong right?

Well here's a bit of my "constructive criticism" I sent to Jetstar after seeing an absolutely terrible ad for a airline company:

Dear Jetstar Airlines

This letter is a response to your advertisements on TV that I saw recently. I want to tell you why it was terrible and how/why you should improve it. I was absolutely appalled by the sheer lack of effort, quality or even basic knowledge of how advertising works present in this ad. The ad I refer to consisted almost entirely of a single shade blue screen with plain informative text and a song on the background. It didn’t capture attention (except in how truly terrible it was) it looked uninteresting and fails in trying to appeal to an audience.

Surely you should know that we’re bombarded by hundreds of images, logos and advertisements but marketing is a competitive business. Only a few stick in our heads so you can see the importance of making an imprint on people’s opinions. Advertising is meant to appeal to a person’s sense of security, comfort or convenience; something your airline should supply for anyone travelling. From families going on a holiday to business men attending a conference, Jetstar can supply all your travelling needs! Your flights are affordable and your friendly well trained staff are devoted to making your customer’s journey as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. Can you see how that’s more appealing than just giving them information to read without any voice over? Your ad isn’t stimulating or memorable. You may not be personally responsible for making it but you should be in charge of deciding if an ad for you gets accepted or not to be broadcasted.

As a film student I am capable of making an advertisement far better than whoever made the ad I speak of. I’d gladly give you half a dozen suggestions for ads that would be entertaining to watch and informative but often people won’t take suggestions from people who aren’t employed by them for legal reasons, especially from game designers or song writers. If you wish to hear my ideas for ad campaigns then by all means ask, I encourage you to do so, but if not I still implore you to come up with a better advertisement. It really is so terrible it’s most likely detrimental to your image because it’s so terrible.

Remember, an ad isn’t just a number and a name on a screen telling someone how much and what company can give them whatever service they want, it’s a competition be the most interesting and appealing thing between parts of a show. You need to make the audience want your service not just know of it. If I can make an ad worthwhile talking about then surely you can too. Best of luck next time! I know you are capable of making an ad that works.

Make it funny or awe inspiring or just aesthetically pleasing. Make it good.

Well! I sent it off the next day in the morning thinking "I just wrote my first letter to a company!" so that was good. That day was looking quite hopeful!

Then I got home from wherever I was that day (I assume I was outside, after all I did need to go back inside after it all) and sat down to watch the TV. I was watching The Simpsons as I was the previous night when I had seen that terrible ad... and then there it was again. I looked closer at it this time.

Then I saw the company logo. It was "Skywest" not Jetstar. I had just sent that letter to Jetstar! Ohhh... no... and now they have my home address and name. DAMNIT! Time to send an apology letter and hope they get them at the same time.

Dear Jetstar Airlines.

I recently sent you a letter complaining about how absolutely terrible your ad campaigns are and I would like to apologise. They were actually ads for Skywest. You see that’s just how bad they were! They were so bad I didn’t even know what company they were for and so I have embarrassingly complained to the wrong people! Well I don’t know how you sort your mail and in fact, someone might read this letter before they read the other one. If that happens perhaps you could have a laugh at the embarrassing circumstances surrounding this unfortunate mix up and be entertained by my views of your competitors. In the end I do say you are capable of making a better ad, and this just proves that you can. You’re better than Skywest and you also go more places. Good on you! Sorry for that, I have sent a letter to them instead now.

Terribly sorry for any inconvenience or offence my lack of thinking has caused you.

Surely they'll take it all in good humour right? And surely this experience has taught us nothing but the importance of good advertising! Had their ad been succifiently good enough for me to not forget as soon as I had seen the ad (twice, by the way, second time I had to get someone else to tell me who the hell the ad was for even though I had payed attention. Even then I had to look it up to be sure) then I would've complained to them in the first place instead of Jetstar! Or even better, I wouldn't have to complain about how much they suck in the first place! Someone has to tell them they're wrong, and I'm as good as anyone right?


Friday, January 15, 2010

Forever Unemployed

Hey there! As we all know, I've been searching for a job for... a very very long time! Well a week or so I get told that Woolworth's is looking for "longlife fillers" which is a fancy way of saying reshelf things. Now. Yeah I'm not above being a shelf stacker OK? A job is a job and even though my brother also wanted to apply to it, I was confident I could get this job. Seriously, what competition could I possibly have? So I handed in my resume even though I had excluded any references at all...

GUESS WHO GOT A GROUP JOB INTERVIEW! My brother!...... Me also! Yeah what's really bizarre is how on my resume I listed my contact details to include my hotmail email account... and yet they contacted me via my gmail account. OK that's one thing that Woolworth's did wrong so far! (Oh yes, let's count them!)

Well I go to the group job interview and I thought I was the oldest one there until someone else showed up. Apparently they weren't just interviewing shelf stackers so that person actually wanted a proper job. I was the oldest one wanting to stack shelves... Oh well right? Job interview went well. So well that...

GUESS WHO GOT A CALL BACK!... My brother!...... Me also! Well OK I got the one-on-one job interview which was pretty cool. I went there all smartly dressed and looking good, ready to be interviewed on time. I thought you were meant to show up 10-5 minutes before an interview for some reason. To show punctuality skills required for working at Woolworths like all employees are expected to have? Yes the fact that I had to sit around and wait for my interviewer after the appointed time means nothing, they have a job to do so that doesn't count as a mistake on their behalf. Wait for it people! Woolworth's a perfectly respectable company! Stop urging me to slander them and point out all their flaws! They're bound to make a few mistakes once in a while.

Job interview went well. I answered all the questions quite well except the last one which was "Why do you think you're suited to this job?" which confused me. Hadn't all previous questions actually been this question? Seriously what does that mean!? I hate interview questions because they're always so utterly pointless. "Why do you want this job?" "FOR MONEY!!" (I actually answered for money and to earn valuable working experience) and "what skills do you have that will help you with the job?" answer: capable of heavy lifting and can work independantly. The fact that I appear confident enough to apply to this job and talk to you should suggest I am not so shy as to be unable to work in such an environment and taking one look at me will easily determine that I have more muscle mass than any of the other applicants. You don't need to ask that question for the job. Job interviews for jobs that only teenagers take aren't filled with poignant and important questions. They have questions for the sake of there being an interview process. It serves two purposes, it prepares you for real interviews later on in life, and it shows you are capable of interacting with another human being for ten minutes without stuttering or mumbling. That's it. They know their questions are pointless, it's just how well you give pointless answers is what they rate you on. So yes, I was confused that they asked me such a redundant question that to me was "so, repeat all your answers to me please in a slightly different way. I want to see if you can make up an answer as to why you are suited to picking things up and then putting them down." (By the way, I don't like repeating myself when asked similar questions because it feels like I'm spouting tautologous nonsense which shows very little intelligence) Well I'm suited to in the sense that... I can do it? (Because really, it's SHELF STACKING) So my answer was "............because I am capable?" It's simple, it's truthful, it's really the only thing you can say at this point in time when the past ten to fifteen minutes has been thinking that the person across the table seriously needs to trim their nails because they're so long there are very noticable differences in the lengths and they have made less eye contact that you have. Seriously, how are they going to judge my eye contact and general body posture if they look down at the piece of paper most of the time, pausing to think about the question written down on the sheet of paper before reading it? Read the question! All you do is write down what I say!

Well even though her pause made me feel uneasy as if I had just shattered my perfect facade with an oddly bad answer, I was still confident I had done well. Sure, my interview didn't really reveal any of my actualy real traits or skills. I said "I'd say I'm intelligent, but I don't suppose being able to critically analyse and deconstruct literary texts helps with this job does it?" which a subtle way of saying "You don't need to be smart or skilled to do this job. Hence I am overqualified, but should get it anyway." I don't want to seem vain and think I'm more awesome than anyone else, but I honestly believe I am a very employable person who is wasting their talents as a shelf stacker. But a job is a job and hence not below me. No job on earth requires %100 of a persons skills so the fact that I have many that aren't needed for it doesn't matter. I left and then waited for my call back to see if I had gotten the job.

GUESS WHO GOT A CALL WHILE SITTING IN A CAFE NEAR THE BEACH THE NEXT DAY!..... NOT my brother! (damn right he didn't get a call!) Well it was the lovely HR whatever who was at the group interview (but not the personal one) who had called to inform me that I hadn't got the job unfortunately because they were looking for someone who was going for more long term employment...

"Wait..." I interject, not wanting to sit and be told things without actually talking back and going "excuse me! What the hell woman? Let me justify things before you tell me I failed!" Before she could continue I went on. "3 years is not long term?" Because when I was asked how long I was planning on staying at this job I answered "At the most 3 years. Not staying around forever. 3 years max to pay for some of my uni fees." "And so not just a few months?" (replied the interviewer) "Oh no. Not just a few months, that's far too short. I don't know how many months but more than a few." "OK so 3 years maximum?" "Yes, 3 years maximum." OK.... did you get the underlying theme there? The strong undertones of my point expressed by my repetition of the word "years" complimented by the other persons verbal confirmation of what I JUST SAID? Good! I'm glad you got it from just that because the real conversation was actually a few sentences longer and hence harder to miss what I was saying. "Sorry... I've got written down here you said 3 months." "No I most certainly expressed 3 years quite strongly." MISTAKE TWO! BIG ONE! "Oh, well sorry..."

OK I thankfully picked up on that and mentioned it. I get annoyed when I let people think they're actually right when they're logic is faulty. Just like with my drivers test... which I failed. Sure I actually failed legitimately but she said one of my mistakes included this one time I went onto a road without being able to see oncoming traffic. The person testing me thought it was amazing how I was able to not run into anything when she thought I was unable to see oncoming traffic easily enough. Well maybe the reason why I stopped was because there was a pedestrian crossing at the end of the intersection so wanted to let potential pedestrians past before driving on. Then as I approached the rest of the road I didn't need to stop because as you approach the road you can see onto it! Duh! She also said I made traffic slow down because I cut in without being able to see oncoming traffic. That was a faulty judgement on her part also, there was a truck. You see if a vehicle is slowing down to turn into the same road you're coming out of then no one can actually go past it so you're free to go. I don't need to see oncoming traffic because it's blocked by a truck. It was slowed because it needed to slow to prevent crashing... something I never ever do.

Doesn't matter, I didn't fail on those points, I lost due to a rather nasty instant fail involving a double laned roundabout and a potential hazard.

Anyway, where was I? OH YES! The reason why I'm currently still unemployed! :) Yes, I had forgotten to point out the obvious "well the person who did the interview is INCOMPETANT... that or you can't read. Thanks." But I had made my point that someone screwed up not me. She basically backtracked at that point in time trying to find a reason why I can't be employed anymore at this point in time... but in the future... because she's already given the job away to someone less physically suited to this job. "Oh... well it says Uni study may affect availability. Have you got your uni schedule yet?" "Not yet." "When do you get it?" "End of February I think." "OK well you call me when you get your new availability and then we'll see what we can do. See if we can fit you in." So thank you! Thank you for realising you made a mistake and that there isn't actually anything stopping me from being employed and then offering me the same job in the future to make up for it.

So it's not like I'm completely unemployable... it's just that they won't do it right now. So in a month I will call them back and they will most likely tell me they don't have any positions available and I will be still unemployed! Of course they might actually still employ me after all. Who knows?

I'm still going to apply to other places instead while I wait. Like hell I'm relying on people who either can't write or can't read! (Some people would be bitter after this happened to them... not me though... of course...) So now it's back to printing resume after resume! Now it's back to getting physically exhausted walking around all day looking for places of interest to hand in resumes into. No one ever calls me back, I don't think the whole "handing in resumes" thing actually works unless there's a sign asking for help. There's never any signs! Oh what fun it is to be unemployed... me time to work on my novel.