Hey you, employer.
Hire me because I am awesome. How
am I awesome? Well I’m a Ravenclaw so I’m naturally quite smart and dumb
employees suck. I know you shouldn’t discriminate but wouldn’t it be great to
just have someone intelligent working for you? Damn right.
I have many skills. I don’t know
which ones are helpful to you so I’m just going to through some at you and hope
they apply to the job. I am good at drawing, I have the ability to smile in 5
different ways, can eat a whole apple (core included), am surprisingly good at
staring competitions, have a basic understanding of this thing humans called “currency”
and have been known to interact with people on a monthly basis.
I wish to get all up in your
business and be the best gosh darn employee I’ve ever been for you. This will
be easy as you’ve never employed me before and won’t have any previous
standards to judge me on. Win-win right?
Right.
Correct.
I am so poor please give me money
in exchange for servitude to your capitalist ventures. Down with communism!
David Cox.
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