Sunday, December 8, 2013

Terrible Cover Letter

Hey you, employer.

Hire me because I am awesome. How am I awesome? Well I’m a Ravenclaw so I’m naturally quite smart and dumb employees suck. I know you shouldn’t discriminate but wouldn’t it be great to just have someone intelligent working for you? Damn right.

I have many skills. I don’t know which ones are helpful to you so I’m just going to through some at you and hope they apply to the job. I am good at drawing, I have the ability to smile in 5 different ways, can eat a whole apple (core included), am surprisingly good at staring competitions, have a basic understanding of this thing humans called “currency” and have been known to interact with people on a monthly basis.

I wish to get all up in your business and be the best gosh darn employee I’ve ever been for you. This will be easy as you’ve never employed me before and won’t have any previous standards to judge me on. Win-win right?



I am so poor please give me money in exchange for servitude to your capitalist ventures. Down with communism!

David Cox.

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