Monday, July 9, 2012

Zombies are the Ultimate Horror Movie Creature

Zombies are the greatest horror movie creation I can think of. Sure, you could probably think of something creepy that lies in the dark and eats children from a movie I haven't seen, and Zombies seem to commonplace as to appear mediocre, but when you get the core of what Zombies are then they are actually an incredibly intelligent creation designed to hit where it hurts most.

Humans are social creatures. Sure, some of us are heavily introverted, but we still rely on the existence of those social structures around us to survive. We live in a world filled with complicated social hierarchies and a massive amount of the world population lives in densely packed Urban and Suburban areas. Once you disrupt the chain of production by introducing a Zombie infection you make these areas incapable of supporting that massive population. Instead of giving you a head of lettuce to eat, the Greengrocer now tries to eat your head. Suddenly people are in places where food is in limited supply and not only is everyone around them in competition for those supplies, everyone is also capable of becoming one of the infected. Zombiepocalypses turn us against each other in multiple ways.

When I was watching 28 Weeks Later the main blonde teenager (or whatever age she was) looked remarkably like one of my friends. Normally you'd think "Oh, blonde teenager in a horror movie, she's going to die quickly" but it was like watching a friend try and survive the inevitable destruction of society and onslaught of the hordes of infected.

With aliens you can band together and fight against hordes. Zombies take who we are and they use it against us. Social bonds are now the enemy. It is inevitable that one of your friends will become an infected and they might just come for you. Your family can fall into the hands of the infected just as easily as anyone else and now you're faced with the walking corpses of people you knew and loved. Try putting a bullet in your mother's head. Try going on when your Dad is eating your best friend. Zombies don't allow you to mourn your loved ones, they force you to confront them. While you're trying to get over the death that's happening all around you, you're trying to escape to somewhere else, uncertain about what will lie ahead. It isn't just physical danger but a deep and ever present psychological aspect to them.

They represent death. Being a Vampire isn't too bad, you still get to think. But being a Zombie takes away everything that is you and replaces it with a hollow yearning to feed on other humans. There is no longer individuality or reasoning. There is no creativity, or enjoyment, or empathy. There is only the stench of death. Zombies are so frightening because they are us.

Zombies can't be reasoned with. Zombies can't be romanticized like Vampires (ugh). Zombies don't get to be misunderstood souls that brood because of their uncontrollable curse like Werewolves. Zombies are just death. Death that walks. Death that never sleeps. Death that hunts you and makes you one of them. It adds to the horde.

You see Vampires and Werewolves also bite you and make you into one of them, but they don't create massive hordes. They stalk their prey and kill them for the sake of survival, like any normal predator. They maintain balance between their numbers and food sources. Zombies on the other hand don't act like a normal predator. They feed and multiple until there is no food. They're like viruses with teeth. They might not be as indestructible as Vampires or Werewolves, but they make their attacks insurmountable through sheer numbers which just weighs down on a survivor's psyche. Zombies are also, usually, the animated dead. The prey of a Werewolf doesn't get back up, a Zombie's does. There's no warding them off with a cross, you either destroy their brains or they keep coming. They are truly the one of the most terrifying end of the world scenarios ever.

Oh, and Zombies have the potential to be real. Not in the classic necromancy styled zombies, but maybe a virus like the 28 Days Later Zombies. Or... drawing inspiration from recent real life events in Miami, Florida where a man ate a homeless dude's face off while on drugs, and other places as far as Texas, and New York, there could be Drug Zombies. Ordinary people turned into raging killing machines that can't feel pain and attack loved ones. I predict that in the next few years we are going to start seeing Zombie films that deal with drugs as the source of the Zombie behaviour instead of virus or necromancy. It makes sense, it keeps happening in real life. Just take a look at this 2012 Zombie Attack Tracker on Google Maps. All it takes is one mad man to put that Designer Drug "Bath Salts" in the water supply and bam.

Death that hunts. Death that runs...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Heterosexual Porn is Gay.

Porn containing at least one many is kinda gay. Porn is so gay and here is why:

Porn is pleasure gained from viewing other men gain pleasure. Simple as that.

What kind of men do we see in porn? Well, creepy, but they are fit. Sure, there is a niche of fat and unattractive men in porn out there but then again there's a bunch of unattractive women too, and if you look hard enough you can find anything in porn you wanted to. It's called Rule 34. That's besides the point. Porn advertises itself with Babe sucks BIG COCKS! She likes GIANT DICK! Quite simply, men do not enjoy seeing unattractive men in their porn. Abs should be hard and the men should have a large penis. Porn stars are all hot guys who work out in gyms and don't have manhoods less than 7 inches long.

A staple of pornography is the blowjob. At some point in time in nearly every porn video that isn't showcasing a specific act, there is a blowjob or two. What do you see during this? A close up of the woman as she performs fellatio. The framing cuts off anything below her neck and only leaves her face and the man's dick. Only one of these things is erotic. There's nothing left of the woman to masturbate to. So what are men jerking off to? They're jerking off to a close up of another man's penis is what they're doing. The man moans, "mmm, yeah babe, suck that cock" he says to inform you that he is enjoying himself and that only urges the viewer on further. Pleasure through watching other men being pleasured.

What happens next? He blows his load all over her face. How on earth is anyone meant to enjoy watching that? Is the objective to climax at the same time? Does it somehow arouse? Somehow a large amount of porn contains a scene that allows the viewer to see another man's semen all over the place. Creampies, bukake, all that sort of ejaculation type things are about masturbating to another guy's semen. That's not even homoerotic subtext, that's just homoerotic getting off to a man's fluids instead of focusing on the woman's breasts.

This is just one guy and a girl. Group sex where the ratio of men to women is more than 1:1 is even more gay. Getting excited over the idea of watching a gang bang is getting excited over seeing a bunch of naked men. Before it was a guy and a girl and you could pretend you're imagining you're him (sure you are, because you love masturbating to your own semen. Convince yourself all you want but in the end you're still masturbating to a close up of someone's dick) but with an extra guy you can't inhabit this fantasy that you are the participant. You are forced to be a sharer of a woman and to ignore the addition of more than one dick in the room mere feet from you, sharing the same orifices. If the idea of multiple naked men in one area getting off together wasn't titillating to a porn audience then it would be scarcer but it's not. There is a bunch of group porn out there so a large amount of guys enjoy watching multiple guys get it out at the same time.

Bukake is just the gayest thing ever besides actual gay sex. See above reason about cumming on people's faces and then jerking to it.

Then there's the infamous ball shot. A guy is taking a girl, maybe from behind, or she's lying down, it doesn't matter as long as he's standing/crouching. The camera goes from behind his buttocks and looks up in between his legs. What is "supposedly" meant to be a close up of a woman's vagina as it gets pounded is actually a close up of a man's scrotum. Her vagina is obscured by his genitals, her buttocks aren't properly in frame but half of his, and maybe even his butt hole, is still in shot. Then there's the awful sound that accompanies it: slap, slap, slap, as his balls flop around. Once again the generic camera angles that are in tons of pornographic videos is all about obscuring, covering up, or ignoring the erotic parts of the woman and focusing on the man's junk and people get off to that. Someone out there actually thought that up as a great addition to heterosexual porn and then everyone copied it. Porn is an industry that tries to meet a demand therefore the consumers of porn must demonstrate in some capacity an enjoyment for this sort of shot. What can we conclude from this?

Men get off to other men's balls in their face.

Porn objectifies women but it also manages to turn them into phallic images. I can't show you any images to show you what I mean because of copyright reasons/I am not going to host pornographic images on this blog regardless of copyright or not. If you so wish, Google Doggy Style POV to see what I mean. A woman's head is down, her arms are folded beneath her to support her, and so all we see from the man's POV is her buttocks and her back. Can you guess what that resembles? That's right, she is now a giant penis. Admittedly this is not as common as the other things mentioned, but still.

How to avoid this homoerotic subtext/text? Well Lesbian porn is technically "gay" porn but let's ignore that. It is a very popular form of pornography for the straight male to consume. It also frequently contains sex toys like vibrators and strap on dildos which serve to force phallic imagery and a sense of male dominance into the sexual act. A woman with a strap on is now taking on the role of a man and men enjoy masturbating to her pretending to have an erection. Not always, but it's there.

The solution is to watch porn that contains solely women and no phallic imagery. Stripteases, webcams, girl on girl action where they engage in oral sex, these are dick free. Watch those.

Or rethink your life a bit and give in... go on... watch gay porn. It's not like you've ever seen a guy's dick be sucked off before and enjoyed it.