Monday, March 2, 2009

Cryptic

I've been told a lot of what I say is cryptic. Crazy is a more appropriate word (I've been called that too! I call myself that all the time!) but crytpic is also very close to what I say sometimes. I don't know what exactly I'm saying that these people don't understand (probably everything. I had an hour long conversation on the phone last night with someone that went along the lines of "3:42PM! Come on! What are the recurring themes?" "I don't know!" "Well you're worried about sunburn and you're wearing a black dress." "What if it's long sleeved?" "Your face will get burnt." "WHY AREN'T I WEARING A HAT!?" "I don't know! You didn't bring one. But you're a terrible terrible person! Why would you say that?" "You're not getting any less confusing." "I have a pocketwatch because it's the future!" "Huh?" "I'm not wearing a tie apparently." "OOOHH!! Of course! I get it now!"....... if you understood that..... you're lying. No one will understand that.) but I'm pretty sure that whatever I say that's cryptic is because I want you to think or I'm just not saying anything of value and so people confuse it to be something half said.

Yes... I'm sure everything I say is actually smart enough to have a hidden meaning...

...wait a second.... it IS! (Well, no, no it's not....) some of the things I say have a meaning to it (whoa!) the only problem is no one ever gets it.... subtlety... doesn't work on people (No matter how many times you say "IT'S 3:42 PM!!!" I mean SERIOUSLY!? Who doesn't get that!? IT'S OBVIOUS ISN'T IT!? That'd be so freaky if someone out there actually commented on this blog with the exact meaning of 3:42pm.... somehow who isn't Brooklyn... or L. ~L~ can comment but not L. Yeah trust me... you're mind is screwed.) So I have decided that any time I have something to say I will just yell it at the person in a forward and upfront manner...

"I WANT TO HAVE SEX!"
"...o..k... well that was unexpected there weren't any signs besi- OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THAT!"

"I AM SUGGESTING THAT THE TEACHER IS FAT!"
"Who said that!?"
"IT WAS ME FATTY!"

*Points dramatically* "THAT MAN IS BALD!"
*silence*
"EVERYONE HAS LEFT ME BECAUSE I AM OBNOXIOUS!"

"YOU DO INNAPROPRIATE THINGS WITH SHEEP!"
"What?"
"YOU ARE READING MY BLOG!"
"Huh?"
"I AM TYPING!"
"I thought you weren't going to become captain obvious just not cryptic... I don't see how you can make typing cryptic or how it need's explaining...."
jc od irf g8 r8 fd8rtmgl0 nwp sdj 7 n i59!!!!!
"....right..."

Yes. Don't you love the lack of subtlety in my blog now? :) I do. (I mean... I DO!) OK. Well now that we've all gotten through that awful business of not making any sense due to cryptic subtletyness we can continue talking about some pretty straightforward things... This is a blog. ("Straightforward not bloody retarded!" "Duuuuhhhhh" *drools*)

Wait no! I still have a cryptic remark! It was originally 4:32pm not 3:42pm! :O! EVERYTHING IS WRONG! (Of course it's 4:32pm! 3:42 is just too early... once again... I will give you more than just bonus cookie points if you can guess what I'm talking about.)

Who reads the instruction manual? I did once... and it gave me exactly what I wanted. EVERY OTHER TIME IT WAS COMPLETELY POINTLESS! (Manuals. Evil death of helpfulness. What? That wasn't cryptic at all!)

This blog has once again descended into a scrambling ramble of nothingness that will soon consume your brain and cause your very soul to melt in a series of nonsensical comments and exclamations followed by "what?"... A question... that is never actually answered!!!! Run! Run now! Before it's tooooo lllaaaatttteeeee!!! (I'm not talking about coffee) so I'm going to end this now before your mind has been damaged beyond repair.

I'm disapointed... this blog should've been longer. I used to have massive mammoth rants! Now they've dwindled into strange miniature ideas with a bit of filler involved (like spaces or paragraphs or punctuation!? EXTRA EXCLAMATION MARKS MAKE THINGS BETTER!!!!! I can has rehab?) so I'm sorry... I'm disapointed in myself. Was that sastifying enough for a short blog? You know it's not the length that matters or how big it's how you type it that counts.... right? You're not going to stop reading just because you don't enjoy it as much as you used to right? I can change! I can get my performance as a blogger back up! At least I'm doing it more often right? I'll find a way to extend my blog somehow by a few paragraphs... maybe you'll love me then...

(SUBTLE CLUE! THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH WAS FULL OF INNUENDO!..... ABOUT SEX!)

It has also come to my attention that my blog has a lot of jokes no one will understand because they're random references to video games, old books or video games... hahaha sucks to be anyone reading this! :P I know I'm awesome because I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!

1 comment:

Bella said...

okay people he has finally cracked. some of you were saying that he would just stay on the edge of sanity and insanity but no. im sad to say that he has finally fallen into complete insanity...

ah well. we will just hav to join him:P

Bella x