Saturday, December 13, 2008

Reverse that mans' Polarity! (Twilight)

Reversing the polarity solves everything! That and sticky tape! Sticky tape that you have reversed the polarity of works better than anything else in the world but is reversed only to Chuck Norris, Elmo and Jesus and so mere mortals cannot waste the limited supply of reversed polarity sticky tape. Reversed Polarity Stick Tape (or RPST) is also used to power Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver. I don't know what that has to do with anything. I've been exceptionally random occasionally recently to be honest (I am far too honest too, I have got to the point that I feel like I don't just need to tell people the truth but everything entirely even if they didn't ask... hence I have a blog?) so I've been coming up with weird things about Monkies in Pinatas and strange things to do with Muffins.... why those need capitals who knows? "Muffin" is now a pronoun. (And you shall worship it?) Anyhoo...

Stephanie Meyer has trapped me in a world without consideration for pace or realism. Curse you Stephanie Meyer and your slow paced yet strangely enjoyable novels about a boy who is a bizarrely bizarre oddity who doesn't age. My word! How shocking! Being 709 I have no particular interest in 110 year old vampires but will still like to see he movie. That doesn't make sense! I get annoyingly addicted to the Twilight series and everytime I get near the book I need to read it... but then after a while realise that I can escape and thus do so and actually have a life... It is essentially a book specifically designed to appeal to female teenage audiences not guys. It creates a pitiful and pathetic female character that very few girls can actually relate to... the only thing is, the girls who read the book... don't know that. OK, sorry to Bella (the person Bella not the fictional character Bella) and Rayne and... Brooke ect and to anyone reading this who is a diehard fan of Twilight (chances are, you're a girl!) because this isn't going to rave and rant on about how good it is but then again I'm not going to say it's bad either. Let me continue. OK, the character doesn't think she's good looking, she thinks she's bland and boring and pathetic and really isn't the most popular person and (and I'm using too many "and"s) keeps comparing herself to these vampires and thinks that people always look and are better than her. I have noticed, as probably every guy in the world with a brain, that girl's will often have the same opinion about themselves as Bella. Now, you take a character that ISN'T ACTUALLY LIKE ANYONE but everyone seems to think they are like (like hell you are people! If you read the book you'll notice that you're nothing like Bella besides the fact that you don't like yourself too much and that's unjustified) and you give this character this goal, this dream, this inevitable idea that she will one day be perfect and she will have the most perfect and handsome and loving and caring guy who will never age, who will never die, never leave you and you can live together in perfect happiness for all eternity in each others arms.... and in achieving having this guy for yourself you also inherently become perfect yourself and all your physical blemishes and pathetic little trips and falls and inability to do anythingness leaves and goes away because you are now an immortal being. Now who doesn't want the perfect guy who is sexier than anyone else, completely devoted to you and will never age to have to themselves?

That is why that the book is perfect for young teenage girls. Because they have this fantasy to escape to of a perfect life because they think they're not really worth much. They think they can relate to Bella's imperfections... but they really can't. I'm sorry people but a lot of you just are nothing like this character in almost every way so it's... a book that is successful because the youth of today hates itself? Because quite frankly, no offence to the book or anything, but each book always starts off very slowly, it's not too intense on plot until near the end when stuff actually starts happening and there's real obvious danger and trying to kill people (or, not even killing anyone) and stuff. It's good but people who are obsessed with it, are girls...

Midnight sun on the other hand...


It's written from the point of view of Edward and doesn't appeal to a female audience nearly as much as Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn because it talks more about blood and internal struggles as compared to confused wondering and long descriptions of how hot Edward is... I love it, I am addicted to Midnight Sun and keep wanting to read it and staying up late because of it! I like Edward... he's awesome (and Jacob is annoying). I really want Stephanie to continue to write it dammit so when I get to the end it'll be the proper end! But oh well, maybe one day.

I don't think I was going to blog about that at all but did. OK, I just said my opinion....

Why do my blog titles never have anything to do with the content of them!? :S OK! I'm adding in "(Twilight)" to the title of this post. Maybe that will warn away a few of the anti-twilight people I know of... who refuse to conform to the masses and read the damn book. Quite frankly why should they give in? (Don't yell at me Twilight fans! Don't yell at me!) It is not the greatest book of all time, it might not even become a classic and not everyone needs or should read it.... I only encourage people to read Midnight Sun I don't encourage other people to read Twilight (Although unfortunately you should read Twilight if you're going to make sense of Midnight Sun) because I really don't think it needs me to help it get read. It has it's legions of followers who are all secretly wanting to be vampires! Anyone dare say they hate Edward Cullen and in 3 seconds you'll be on the floor being mobbed by the nearest teenage girls as the screech their eery death screeches of anguish and hatred at you! "EDWARD CULLEN IS SO HOT! HOW DARE YOU!" and then you be dead.

... I actually wanted this post to be not-serious and funny but it's become very very serious... I am not joking about that last part about the teenage girls attacking you in waves and waves of angry slapping across the face. There is nothing funny about enraged Edward-Fan beatings... it happens twice daily in the US alone.... think about it...

Oh yeah, plus I visited the terrorists lair today and she straightened my hair. I was too tired from job hunting (Terrorists also force me to become one of the working masses for some bizarre reasons) so I was like "meh..." but I wasn't too tired to refuse to let her paint my nails. NO! No, you can't paint my nails... I don't mind straight hair just no nail painting!
I'm a smexy fishy... yes... it used to be a lot more straight than that but I took that picture who knows how many hours afterwards. Oh well. I think I look good with long flowing straight hair, a beard and a moustache don't you? Of course you do! I AM YOUR MASTER! OK, gone back to being weird! Woo!

1 comment:

Brooke said...

I agree with what you said about Bella. And that we do think we relate to her because of the imperfections she seems to believe she has, but that very few others do.
Also, Bella is rather strong physically in the sense she seems to have a high pain-threshold, and yet anything mentally seems like it could break her. I think a lot of girls really do feel that way, however much they try to hide it.

Not only this, but EVERYONE wants to be with some one who they consider perfect beyond words, and who sees them in the same light. By Bella finding that person, whether he was a vampire or not, girls would automatically be jealous of Bella, but so much so that they yearn to be like her.
If people are lucky enough to find the one that they are meant to be with for the rest of their lives then they are insanely lucky.
And for girls who are mentally hurt, from perhaps family issues, love issues, relationships.. anything, I think it just gives them hope. Something to hold onto..

I dont find Bella an overly nice person. I think she's a little self centred sometimes, and she is very clingy to Edward, but really, no one is perfect.

I think the story line is really well done. Just personally. I think all 4 of them have great story lines. You are right. They arent absolutely amazing beyond words in the sense that they will become classics. But they are definately great reads, and ones that I tend to find enjoyable, no matter how many times I read it..