Thursday, September 11, 2008

Magpies

Magpies... No not some weird type of pie that involves whatever the hell a "mag" is... and no that's not a reference to a gun mag so no... no the pie is not going to shoot you... it's not even a pie as I said it's a bird... Yes, we in Australia have weird names for our indiginous flora and fauna (Because of the Aborigines... or is that spelt Aborigenes?... No probably the first... anyhoo yeah they named the things first so we have to call them what they called them... well at least one tribe there's over 300 different Aboriginal languages but most of which are no longer used or known) so we have things called Kangaroos, Koalas, Wombats, Bilbys (woo!) and Numbats ect and all of them are wonderful animals...

... except magpies... Yeah you know while walking along to the busstop in the morning (as I usually do on a schoolday) and I see these Magpies nearby and they just looked fat... yeah it's spring now and they're fat... I don't know how birds can actually get fat (what are they doing? Eating Mcdonalds?) because they need an awful lot of energy to fly around due to the fact that they're making forces that need to counteract gravity (Physics is fun... now to find out how much birds weigh to calculate how much work they do and how much force is needed to get off the ground! Because... I'm nerdy... but hate maths) Yeah seriously though the world is warming up, food prices are going up, people can barely afford homes or petrol for their cars... plus there's an obesity epedemic amongst children... and NOW BIRDS! Now birds are obese... Yeah birds are obese now I don't know how but they are and it's just... well it's just... nothing really... I just thought I'd mention that I saw some fat birds near traffic lights... they didn't even fly away from me or try to hop away like birds normally do when you walk by them. Maybe they're so fat they're apathetic towards exercise? Oh no! Fat children's behaviour is rubbing off onto our native animals! Next we'll be seeing fat kangaroos or fat kookaburras... that is if you ever get to see one... Seriously I recently heard a kookaburra laugh and I recorded it on camera because it's just so rare to hear one of those birds and I have no seen one since my trip to Margaret river and went for a car ride through the bush/hills and before margaret river I hadn't seen one in years. So yeah, Kookaburras are rare and just coming to Australia does not mean you'll see one... or even any native Australian animal besides good old Magpies (probably because those are the only ones that aren't on the endangered species list...) and if you try to go near Magpies they just might swoop you. Yeah Magpies are very vicious animals at times and will swoop down at you and attack you with their talons and beaks and AK-47's ect... They don't like people sometimes and I thankfully only been swooped at once in my life... But the swooping for people might decrease because like I said: The birds are FAT! and subsequently too lazy to attack innocent people.

Another thing I'd like to say about Magpies... They're very confused birds. OK, the Bilby as we all know (*cough*) is nocturnal. Now there are a few other native Australian animals that only come out at night but Magpies are not one of those. But pretty much everytime I'm awake at midnight I can hear them outside my window! Why are they up late at night!? Magpies aren't nocturnal! I've never heard them up at night before but recently they've decided that they're make a bit of noise for me before I go to bed... So you know we've got Fat insomniac birds in Australia... who are also gender confused... not for any particular reason other than I said they were! I want to make them look as bad as I can in my smear campaign against Magpies! :P Nah I have nothing against them... animals don't have gender issues... But yeah... Obese insomniac indigenous flora... Only in Australia huh? :P

1 comment:

Hayden said...

YOU SIR!!!!
ha, got you in your too.