The following is an email I sent to my friends who had requested a list of things to get me for my birthday (which was months and months ago. Man, I sure hope I get some of these gifts soon...) and I thought I'd share it with you today because it's very special to me. I hold this list close to my heart at all times hoping that one day it will be complete.... no one loves me enough to let me achieve this dream though.
#1 Electric Guitar
#2 A cute kitten
#3 A really REALLY cute kitten
#4 A monkey
#5 An even bigger monkey
#6 A turtle
(OK you can guess where my mind is...)
#7 A tree... fully grown. Nothing that can fit in a pot. seriously, get me a redwood that towers above my house...
#8 Any book by Tom Holt or Terry Pratchett (I don't care I only own one "Guards Guards!")
#9 Any CD by Tool
#10 A old-fashioned pocketwatch
#11 A brick!
(OK you're probably thinking this list of things isn't serious.. I don't know why you would think this I honestly would enjoy you getting me a brick/monkey/turtle/giant tree/book.... that'd be awesome!)
#12 Any of the following Apocalyptica albums: Cult, Plays Metallica by four Cellos and their self-titled Apocalyptica
Failing any of these things then some money is fine.... failing money then a card is fine.... failing a card then a hug is fine... if u do not have any arms and therefore cannot hug me then licking my face passionately like a dog is fine... (lets hope u have arms) failing that then you are in dire need of urgent medical attention because ur arms and tongue have somehow been cut off between now and saturday and u probably should not be attending my party because of the severe injuries u have sustained... i shall send u a get well card as soon as i can. If you are not suffering from a life threatening injury/illness/psychological disorder then i'll see u on saturday (hopefully) and ur presence can be my present! because i really took a long time trying to think of that (VERY SERIOUS AND REALISTIC) list of 12 things for u to somehow magically purchase me with money I didn't know u had... and so I really don't mind if u don't get anything on that list at all... all i really expect is for u to wear clothes.... (Aren't you so glad that the fact that you showed up was a gift enough for me to be happy?) yay! having guests at a party will be fun*... feel free to wear whatever clothes u wish hey they can even be proper clothes instead of pyjamas if u really want them to be i don't mind it's a party! let's dress sensibly! woo!
I got two bricks for my birthday. It was a good day.
*It sure will be.