Thursday, September 23, 2010

Generation of Fug

Have you seen the latest generation of Pokemon!? I'm looking through them as we speak and one thing has jumped out at me...

...they're fugly.

Man, kids these days... Kids these days aren't even as old as the franchises they follow! Hell, I actually am younger than some of the most famous children's franchises that are still around today... TMNT for one (yes, it's from the 80's! ) Transformers is another. I'm not really a big follower of either (though I do love those mutant turtles... fond memories as a kid watching them). Pokemon on the other hand consistently makes me feel like a kid again as I keep going back to it to play the game again or check when the next movie comes out (I haven't seen past movie 4... so going "wow #13 came out in Japan a while ago!" doesn't really excite me that much). I am older than it! Yay? I remember as a little kid turning on the TV to see this bizarre yellow mouse electrocuting a 10 year old boy repeatedly and thought that it was worth watching. You know as far as pilots for children's TV shows go, forced animal fights and child abuse is pretty interesting and will definitely get you an audience of some kind, even if part of it is concerned parents going "You shouldn't be watching this!"

My mother doesn't like Pokemon... she thinks it's pointless.

She's wrong! No!

But back to the point: The new pokemon are ugly. Some of them are no longer animals, they're just... things. Stupid pointless things.

One of them right, is a blob of icecream... it evolves into an icecream cone... which then evolves into... a double icecream cone! My goodness!

Damn it's ugly. I'd much rather eat it than catch/train it. Can you imagine that? Go Baibanira! (It's called that in Japanese) The opponent used Sunny Day! Baibanira melted... you lost the match. But yeah, if you're hungry or your pokemon is hungry, just take it out of it's pokeball and start to lick it. Lick it good. At first it thinks you're giving it affection in a bizarre way, but no, it soon realises the horror that awaits it... it starts to struggle, starts to scream it's name as it's mind wraps around the concept that you are going to kill and devour it slowly. It knows it can't escape and it accepts it's fate as you murder it in cold blood....

... right in front of a staring child...


A lot of Pokemon also seem to just be the same as old ones only slightly different. For example: Here's the less threatening/interesting version of the already ugly Carvanha.

Whyyy? It doesn't even do anything! It doesn't evolve it just sits there being ugly! Not even Dark type Ugly, just... a fish with serious need of some glasses.

You know as far as eating your Pokemon go, this next one you probably would. It's basically a moogle... only turned into a shroom.

Actually, this one isn't that ugly... it's kinda cute. I don't know why I had a problem with this one earlier it's actually all right... besides the fact that it is obviously a pokeball turned into a mushroom with a pig nose. Previous generations have had hideous pokemon too. Generation 1 had Mr Mime, Gen 2 had Dunsparce, Gen 3 had Huntail, Ludicolo, Shelgon, Hariyama and so on, Gen 4 had Purguly, Probapass, Mamoswine, Bidoof, Budew, Amipom, Buizel... OK the list goes on and on... And my LEAST favourite... CARNIVINE!

IT'S SO HIDEOUS! I was repulsed when I first encountered it, I didn't want to catch it I wanted to set it on fire until it died. What is it!? Why does it look like a poorly made muppet!?


So yeah, I see the trend here in Pokemon is that they will get increasingly ugly. I fear to see Gen 6 when they one day develop that. Hunchback versions of old pokemon everywhere! Pokemon that resemble squabbling inbred rats mixed with birds that did it with trees, pokemon that start to resemble machines instead of animals. A sad clown with only half a face and a tail, a monkey that lives underwater and resembles a half goat with insomnia. Nothing is too bizarre for Pokemon! Hell, they took Tauros and gave him a freaking affro:


Well, all in all... I still cannot wait to play Black and White :) Come on, get released in Australia! Woo! Apparently no Pokemon from prior generations appear in the Ishuu region itself which sucks a lot... for most things... but on the bright side: NO ZUBATS! I hate caves because of them. You just keep running into so many Zubats! They're not even worth the experience they give you for killing them!

All images are the official artwork of the talented Ken Sugimori.

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