Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dear Video Ezy

Dear Video Ezy

Your store has reached a new found level of unfavourability as you have shown that you have many short comings in the world of business and entertainment. Your selection of DVD's doesn't seem to grow despite the ever increasing amount of movies released each year, suggesting that you throw away most of them, the less popular or obscure ones. Basically the ones I want to watch. Though I still manage to find things within the store, my family and I have never managed to actually get out a random selection of 6 DVD's without at least one or two of them being scratched and partially if not fully not working to which you simply clean the DVD's (then probably throw them out without replacing) which NEVER EVER WORKS. We having cleaning things at home, you are treating us as simpletons.

I am constantly finding things out of alphabetical order or in the wrong category and you keep shuffling what genres to put near the Adults only section. It should have stayed with Horror because little kids don't watch MA15+/R18 slasher gore films, but they do watch classic (well, I do), sci-fi, drama and action.

Your incompetence has forced us to stop a family tradition that has gone back as far as I can remember: to borrow films from you every holidays to enjoy. I hope you're happy that you have left my holidays bland, boring and more internet reliant than ever thanks to your young and seemingly antisocial staff.

Enclosed in this envelope you will find a resume and job application. I look forward to hearing from you, as I desperately need money.

Thank you :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

5-Posts and a Webcomic

5 blog posts in a month!? Whoa, man haven't been this blog-pumped since February! (This year, last year Feb was like whooaaa extreme blogging. Though nothing compares to the good old days when it started when I got up to 10 posts in a month. Wow, losing my game) Got to keep my blogging muscles in shape, don't want to get blog-flab... (the other kind of blog-flab, as opposed to the flab you get from excessive sitting on the computer and blogging... one must achieve balance between the two in life)

I didn't actually have something to blog about, I just thought "Yay! I could make it to 5 blog posts in a month! Keep going!" Though the wonderful Caitlin Hill way out did me with her BEDA thing and did 15 in August. Good for her, I'm not really competing with her, just saying... she blogged. She blogged alll ovveerrr that internets. Oh yeah. That's good yeah. That's good blogging, yeah I'd like to read her posts if you know what I mean! (That's not innuendo, I'm just turned on by the internet)

Another thing I'd like to point out to you is the hilariously dark and depressing art of John Campbell. (Who does the webcomic pictures for sad children which is absurd, dark, and incorporates magic realism into the comic to help you go along with the bizarre twists and turns of the comic. Here is an example of how it is odd: LINK! and remember, there's alt-text so hover your mouse! And read on for the next 2 or 3 strips at least. It's part of a story. The girl who appears in the next two met him at a party and for some reason butterflies seem to be attracted to her, which is why you'll see lots of them eventually.) John Campbell also did an art show somewhere somewhen, I don't know either... but I do know is that he posted a few photos of it on his tumblr!


Ya'll just got LINKED! I love it. It's very simplistic, but it's odd, it's amusing yet dark and it's different. I've got "A Brief History of Art" as my desktop background.

Great, now I'm reading through Pictures for Sad Children webcomics, I will have to drag myself away from them to do any work. When I get into a webcomic I read it all the way through from the beginning of it's archive until I catch up with the creator. Then I get bored because I don't get to read 100 posts per night and have to wait a few days until the next one... eventually I find a new webcomic to read all the way through, by the time I've gotten through that the older ones got newer ones so I go through the couple that have accumulated. I do it especially with Questionable Content by J. Jacques and Cyanide and Happiness by Kris Wilson, Rob DenBleyker, Matt Melvin and Dave McElfatrick (hehe they have amusing surnames) because Questionable Content has a running storyline throughout it's entire publication, and I often just forget about C&H for a while and then come back to it when I have nothing else. The system works.

Update on MY webcomic... I swear I'll get round to it during December! When I have a job, when I have more time to get it going. I don't want to start it then have an assignment due and then lose interest because I got busy. Ah December, I look forward to you greatly. I will create many things then, not just webcomics.

Now I am looking at Abstract Expressionism on the internet. At first glance one might go "this is gibberish! this is nonsense! It is terrible!" But on closer inspection you can see "Well this guy actually has talent, this is interesting, this is very meaningful..." ... but that only happens like... 1 in 5. The REST are gibberish! nonsense! terrible! It's like some metal bands, where they take all the stereotypical parts of metal, fast drum beats, screaming, fast riffs, and mash them up together without understanding the actual reason behind it, or the nuance of proper music. Some people create bizarre art, others just paint a yellow line down a brown background and go "I'm brilliant!" No. Minimalism can be done, and it can be done with talent. You do not have talent Barnett Newman! Aghhh!!!

End scene.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm on the train right...

So there I was, on the train, wearing 3-quarter camouflage pants, converse shoe look a likes and my collarless shirt with superman on it with no jacket because it was hot. I was playing my Pokemon Yellow (original copy from the 90's) on my old Gameboy Advance (not the SP), my long untamed, unbrushed and curly hair on my shoulders complimenting my untended to hobo beard... just listening to some alternative/experimental rock band from Canada on my non-iPod mp3 player and taking up space on the train because I'm slightly overweight.

A very hot girl sits down next to me.

Oddly enough, the idea that perhaps striking a conversation with her did not occur to me to be a likely thing to occur in the near future.

"So heard about the upcoming Green Lantern movie? Dude is weak to like... yellow..."

Which is even worse than Hancock's weakness... which is true love. Awww... (which is quite the weakness, and we should learn to overcome that and be strong even when a girl is nearby...) Sorry I meant SPOILERS!!! There, now you can read the sentence that I just wrote. Happy? Good. Let's move on.

Though there did turn out to be a nerd girl on the train! I saw her at the Esplanade waiting for the next train, as we had both been forced off the one we were on already because it was terminating (WHY!? WHY NOT JUST KEEP GOING LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO!?) and she was playing Pokemon on her Gameboy Advance SP (DAMN HER! She's semi-old school but still more advanced/richer than I?) Then on the way home she was on the train once again. Ah, a nerd girl on the train! If only I talked to her... if only she was more attractive... Not that she was unattractive, but she looked misleadingly fit for a girl playing Pokemon. Admit it, you go for runs don't you? DON'T YOU!? You're an athlete luring me in with your Pokemons...


Trains. They're on strike again. Why? Why indeed? I suppose we'll be getting news reports on it. Perhaps even I'll write one! I am a journalist.... student after all! Although it is a bit ambitious for me seeing as I've never actually interviewed anyone , this is actually only my second assignment and I doubt the government department of transportation returns 1st year Journalism students' phone calls. I will most likely end up thinking of a more realistic idea for my assignment... but oh well. Next time there's a strike and I've actually become a confident/competent journalist I will be there! I will not be turned away! I will watch my step and mind the gap as I enter the door, but that door will be your office door mr... whoever! (Or ms or mrs) Or... I will phone you! But either way, I shall get my interview.

Thankfully every time there's a strike I somehow manage to coincidentally leave home hours early. Which is good for me, but it can't possibly keep going forever... soon, I shall be stuck at a train station missing something important all because of YOU! YOU TRANSPERTH!

Turns out this sort of thing is not local (DUH) and can be found everywhere... even London! :O

Click on this link for a funny flash animation song!

Enjoy that song? Yeah I found it amusing too... oh wait sorry I mean: Warning! Contains harsh language and should not be listened to by small children... with parents nearby. Oh I'm bad at the reasonable forewarning aren't I?

Well goodnight stalkers :) Enjoy my life.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Generation of Fug

Have you seen the latest generation of Pokemon!? I'm looking through them as we speak and one thing has jumped out at me...

...they're fugly.

Man, kids these days... Kids these days aren't even as old as the franchises they follow! Hell, I actually am younger than some of the most famous children's franchises that are still around today... TMNT for one (yes, it's from the 80's! ) Transformers is another. I'm not really a big follower of either (though I do love those mutant turtles... fond memories as a kid watching them). Pokemon on the other hand consistently makes me feel like a kid again as I keep going back to it to play the game again or check when the next movie comes out (I haven't seen past movie 4... so going "wow #13 came out in Japan a while ago!" doesn't really excite me that much). I am older than it! Yay? I remember as a little kid turning on the TV to see this bizarre yellow mouse electrocuting a 10 year old boy repeatedly and thought that it was worth watching. You know as far as pilots for children's TV shows go, forced animal fights and child abuse is pretty interesting and will definitely get you an audience of some kind, even if part of it is concerned parents going "You shouldn't be watching this!"

My mother doesn't like Pokemon... she thinks it's pointless.

She's wrong! No!

But back to the point: The new pokemon are ugly. Some of them are no longer animals, they're just... things. Stupid pointless things.

One of them right, is a blob of icecream... it evolves into an icecream cone... which then evolves into... a double icecream cone! My goodness!

Damn it's ugly. I'd much rather eat it than catch/train it. Can you imagine that? Go Baibanira! (It's called that in Japanese) The opponent used Sunny Day! Baibanira melted... you lost the match. But yeah, if you're hungry or your pokemon is hungry, just take it out of it's pokeball and start to lick it. Lick it good. At first it thinks you're giving it affection in a bizarre way, but no, it soon realises the horror that awaits it... it starts to struggle, starts to scream it's name as it's mind wraps around the concept that you are going to kill and devour it slowly. It knows it can't escape and it accepts it's fate as you murder it in cold blood....

... right in front of a staring child...


A lot of Pokemon also seem to just be the same as old ones only slightly different. For example: Here's the less threatening/interesting version of the already ugly Carvanha.

Whyyy? It doesn't even do anything! It doesn't evolve it just sits there being ugly! Not even Dark type Ugly, just... a fish with serious need of some glasses.

You know as far as eating your Pokemon go, this next one you probably would. It's basically a moogle... only turned into a shroom.

Actually, this one isn't that ugly... it's kinda cute. I don't know why I had a problem with this one earlier it's actually all right... besides the fact that it is obviously a pokeball turned into a mushroom with a pig nose. Previous generations have had hideous pokemon too. Generation 1 had Mr Mime, Gen 2 had Dunsparce, Gen 3 had Huntail, Ludicolo, Shelgon, Hariyama and so on, Gen 4 had Purguly, Probapass, Mamoswine, Bidoof, Budew, Amipom, Buizel... OK the list goes on and on... And my LEAST favourite... CARNIVINE!

IT'S SO HIDEOUS! I was repulsed when I first encountered it, I didn't want to catch it I wanted to set it on fire until it died. What is it!? Why does it look like a poorly made muppet!?


So yeah, I see the trend here in Pokemon is that they will get increasingly ugly. I fear to see Gen 6 when they one day develop that. Hunchback versions of old pokemon everywhere! Pokemon that resemble squabbling inbred rats mixed with birds that did it with trees, pokemon that start to resemble machines instead of animals. A sad clown with only half a face and a tail, a monkey that lives underwater and resembles a half goat with insomnia. Nothing is too bizarre for Pokemon! Hell, they took Tauros and gave him a freaking affro:


Well, all in all... I still cannot wait to play Black and White :) Come on, get released in Australia! Woo! Apparently no Pokemon from prior generations appear in the Ishuu region itself which sucks a lot... for most things... but on the bright side: NO ZUBATS! I hate caves because of them. You just keep running into so many Zubats! They're not even worth the experience they give you for killing them!

All images are the official artwork of the talented Ken Sugimori.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Chrome Can't Spell

OK, Google Chrome (for those who don't know) is an internet browser designed by Google that has a spell check feature built into it so you know when you're spelling things wrong: a very important concern to anyone who has ever used the internet... duh.

List of words that Google Chrome should think are words but doesn't:



I decided to try and ask Google why it made a spell check program that didn't even think the name of program it was part of was even a real word (note: Google didn't invent the word Google, it's been around for quite some time...) and the program was designed solely for ONLINE WEBBROWSING yet neither of these things are accepted as real things either... but you know, when you go to Google to search for "Google website" you just get Google again... I realised that Google couldn't solve ALL my problems then and there... and I cried...

Then I realised that hidden somewhere on the edge in fine print was a link to something Google related besides Gmail and Google maps (Gmail is also not a word, neither is hotmail... but twitter is...) and found a way to ask about a technical difficulty or error when using it, and I type in my question "Why doesn't Google Chrome recognise words like GOOGLE and ONLINE?" and then to send it off to the forums to await a response I click "send".

Then everything stuffs up... no, sorry, you CAN'T ask a question, we won't let you access that page any more.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Google's Gonna Get me Married

Remember the last post I posted? I'm Beethoven (named in reference to the episode of Community where they have a Halloween party and Abed dresses at Batman, and he says "I'm Batman" in a deep gruff voice... then he and Troy have a conversation about candy corn looking like traffic cones and how if they were to wake up as a ginger bread man they'd eat themselves, they wouldn't even question it because they look so tasty...)

Of course you do! Because you totally read this... Well, I know at least one of you does (yes, don't you feel proud that I am alluding to your existence in a blog post? You're welcome. It's a friendly thing to do, alluding to the other's existence...) so that's good.

Well, I'm talking about it because I noticed the shiny "stats" button that it gives you when you log onto the dashboard of blogger. I get to check my post views! I can check where my traffic is coming from! I can see just how unpopular I really am! But no, it actually surprised me that I do seem to get views on this thing. But one thing that entertained me greatly was that I discovered that when you type in "I want to marry beethoven" into Google (excluding the quotation marks) the first thing you get is my blog! I found that quite hilarious that I not only am the highest on a Google search, but that someone actually typed that in and clicked on my blog! "I want to marry beethoven!" "I'm beethoven" "OMG CLICK!"

So I'm wondering what other searches result in a hit from Google... hmmm...

"norway pineapple frisbee"

There. That in quotation marks does not garner any hits, so if you type it in with the quotation marks I am the only one that should pop up once I have published this. Yay!

Now I must rest.